WOW! We have snow!

Experiencing the journey of finding your own spirit reflected in the world around you is why you are here.

Flooded with Love

There are those days when your child tests your wit and you want to scream and kick -then as they peacefully sleep or do something silly you have the "awww" moment and you can't stop grinning. As I am sure many parents know it's hard allowing them to become the person they're meant to be without putting some kind of conditions upon them. Trying to control them so you can feel in control. It's hard banging heads with a spouse or partner when you both have been raised in completely opposite households and have completely opposite parenting styles. However, as you go along you learn, you compromise, and you figure it out.

Right now Boo has been pretty trying. Not trying all the time - he just has his moments. Te has always been independent and has always liked to do it Te's way - he's very persistent. I bought a book a few months back called "Raising the Spirited Child" and in it it describes like five temperment types. Our boy is definitely persistent with an edge of intense. I would say both his parents are persistent and Jeff is definitely intense so no wonder the kid likes to do it his way. Now we are learning how to allow him to be an active part in most decisions concerning him in which he can be an active part and channeling his energy. Boo likes it his way, and mostly only his way - so you definitely have to pick your battles. I know at times Jeff thinks I am too lenient but I am not controlling like Jeff and I definitely have a higher tolerance level. I always try to put myself in Te's shoes and be reasonable. Jeff on the other hand has a tendency to be forceful, but in the last week he's changed a lot...I think he's having some "ah-ha" moments and realizing the conditions or boundaries he puts on Te - when he could more flexible and everyone has a win-win situation. It's all a learning experience and like they say, kids do not come with instructions. It's wonderful to learn and grow and Te just opens our eyes wider and wider. Perhaps the biggest reward kids teach is tolerance, if only everyone could remember what they were like and respect the child inside of themselves we might all be in a little happier place :)

Realization

I have always been one to learn about herbs and health, but never one to commit 100% because I have a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to committing to myself. In regards to Te, that is a whole other story, I do my best to keep my son healthy as possible. In past month I have now acquired my second cold. The first one lasted over two weeks and now I am about 4 or 5 days into another one that will probably go the distance of 10 days. I discovered on Monday that my right eye is bloodshot in the corner and I've got something going on on my scelera - I think I might have a cold in my eye too - if it doesn't clear I'll see the allopathic doctor.
Anyways - I started my health & nutrition class ten days ago (I had to restart from August) and it goes through May. Right now were becoming quite aware of our food choices. For a while now I've been working up to going on a cleanse or at least a 7 day juice fast - it's just that juicing is time consuming and I am short on time in the mornings. That said however, once I start juicing I know I'll have more energy. So the two colds and the weird thing in my eye have finally brought me to a cross in the road where I tell myself it's time to focus on you and your health. I do not want to come upon a severe crisis and try to work my way to health, I need to do it now and prevent a crisis situation.
So today I am experimenting with eating more raw. My goal for now is to try and eat 80% raw. I do not know if I can quite give up my coffee yet... So this day forward I will try and do my best to document my experience of active change within myself.
For lunch I made myself a salad that included 1 medium tomato, half an avocado, a clove of garlic, a squeeze of lemon, a light drizzle of olive oil and some fresh ground pepper.
This going raw will be a challenge - but right now I'm kind of motivated after being stuffy in the head for almost a month. So here goes to being healthy and whole!

Procrastination

I know when running a business it's imperative to be fairly efficient in handling customer returns and so forth when it comes to photographs. However, I guess my side photography business takes a backseat to everything I do - it's the last on my lists of "to do's." I need to change that - or I need to tell people it takes a couple months to see a return - and, if you haven't heard from me, pester me. Some people might say, "Well, it's not my job to pester you." Yes it is if I told you so - plain and simple. And the thing is, if you don't get pissy with me because my lack of being more aggressive in turning around your prints, often times if it has taken me awhile you'll end up with some great perk/s. Since I came back from Africa, like everything else, what happened before I left kind of got lost when I returned and it's taken me five/six months to catch back up to my life. It's not so much I was lost - it is more of me establishing healthy boundaries for myself and my family. I have a tendency to do a bajillion things at once - and I am learning how to do a bajillion things within reason without losing my head in the clouds and losing sight of my family. This little heads-up was obviously instigated by a disgruntled customer. So be it.

Evolution

Time moving forward - project progressing. Sometimes it seems it takes forever, yet there is never enough time to get 'er done. I admit I procrastinate, something I need to change - but I really do work best under stress - even if I am bitching all the way. I am not bitching about my project I've been working on for Small Village cause I've enjoyed it; it's just taken me forever to manifest it cause I've had trouble trying to wrap up the experience. Thus far I am pretty pleased with my production I just need to get the music I want swapped out and to add the captions and I am done. Kind of exciting and I believe those who see it will enjoy it. Now I finally have something to distribute. It has also motivated me to keep trucking along and put our entire trip into a presentation for all of us who traveled together. The DVD I've been working on just showcases our projects so it works two-fold and can also be used down the road for gaining sponsorships, marketing and so forth. It just brings the whole experience alive every time you reminisce through the images. It is pretty pathetic when I haven't even shown my family images of where I've been. So seeing the light at the end of the tunnel - knowing we can sit down at Thanksgiving or Christmas and share in my experience it's rather gratifying. Maybe it will give each of them a candle of light - a new perspective - an explanation for my passion.

Wednesdays with Te

So I have started working from home on Wednesdays - although the work normally doesn't start until after dark. I spend the majority of my day hanging and playing with Te. Yesterday was Duana's birthday and since last weekend the boys (Te, Kobe & Devin) have been wanting to see each other. They are so classic. When I call Duana of course I have to speak to both Kobe & Devin since Kobe normally picks up. From there the conversation goes on to "I want to talk to Te." So yes, it's pretty sweet to hear the one-sided conversation between friends. So yesterday good friends gotta share most of their day together.
Te and I started our day taking Stan on a hike near Dry Creek Cemetery. Both Te & Stan had their first snake encounter. A little bull snake on the trail on our way down the hill. Te was definitely more curious then Stan. When Stan went to sniff the snake of course the snake reared up and started flashing his tongue. He ran and hid behind me and Te while cautiously peering out between our knees. Te on the other-hand was completely enthralled in the snake and we stood on the trail and watched the snake until he slithered off up the hill.
After the hike we dropped Stan off and proceeded to Duana's. From there the boys just played and played. No naps mind you. They even did well at the gym where Duana teaches a BodyPump class - and all she asked of her close friend, husband, and mom was to double her numbers on her birthday. So we did. After working out we were crazy enough to take 3 young boys to the restaurant to eat (Chuckarama). By this time I think they had to be close to delirious having had no naps. I must say they actually did quite well. We sat in a corner booth and locked them in from both sides. Sporadically under the table, in the window... Anyways the night ended with the boys wrestling. As we were walking out of the restaurant Devin fell down and Te immediately jumped on top of him. That was quickly corrected as we walked out. Then as we all parted our ways the boys ran a few laps on the grass and dog-piled on another. It is such a great feeling to see how much they love each other from an early age.

Creative Consciousness

Whoa. This weekend I was planning on driving to Hailey (ID) with Te and go visit my cousin Bean - the weather was kind of poopy on Friday - thinking inward - nothing set in stone. The day cleared by noon and I decided to do some things around town. I got slightly distracted when I had the opportunity to go to Quality Art on a Saturday. Normally my Saturdays are filled by Market and I never have a chance to leisurely roam the aisles. I admit I was rather excited. I was going to splurge on a few things for myself as well as pick up some more paint for my Africa project. As it turns out I ended up buying more art supplies that are really meant for Te. Since we were in the neighborhood I decided to stop by Reham's to say howdy. Instead Te & I stayed for about 3 hours. Reham has a big show in Vegas in just under ten days and I decided to help her build inventory. I would of probably stayed into the early hours of darkness had it been unnecessary for Te to nap. My 2nd mosaic ever was a round mirror with a fish and some seaweed. Once I got my creative juices flowing they continue to flow. I came home, put the boy to bed, went downstairs and put a good thick coat of "Sand Between Your Toes" on the downstairs hallway. It's a nice warm color I picked out to make the basement a little more homey. Then a few window appliques - a fish, BSU -for Te to stick to the windows. And finally Saturday night concluded with Te and I watching "A Christmas Story" and me completing a crocheted hat for Te this winter. My night ended with me laying stir crazy in bed thinking of all these ideas to mosaic.
I made three more mosaics while Jeff attended to Te today. I am flipping addicted right now cause it feels so, so, so good to be creative. It's terrible when you forget what it feels like to be beyond passionate or should I say just tuned in. I can't stop - I am remembering what it feels like to live, breath, and dream about making art. This goes beyond just taking photographs. Painting, mosaicing, glass fusing those make me feel centered - active meditation. My mind is spinning, spinning, spinning.
Lest not forget the simple beauty of also watching Te grow up. I haven't written much about his progress like I did the first year with my "Notes to Te, " I need to be more consistent. A sweet story today. I was perusing the ads in the Sunday News and Te as usual has to come and get into my business. I see a Shopko ad and it has a toy catalog handout and I tell Te "Hey check this out," so I have a moment to finish reading what I am looking at. He thumbs through the ads all seriously pointing and commenting on things he sees and he asks me all serious, "how you get these toys momma?" I tell him you have to buy them. He proceeds to say, "I need to buy these toys momma." Lately everything with Te is, "Te will do it." Inquisitive questions of "Why do baby's fart?" Just normal humbling anecdotes of a developing child. Gotta love it. Tonight he is sleeping in his new bed set-up which includes a headboard that is housing all his books. So it is past midnite at this moment and he's still in his room trying to read by the hallway light. The books I knew might pose a temptation so in due time hopefully rhe newness of his new bed assembly, etc. will wear off so his little head is down for rest before the new day dawns.
Wow. I am kind of all over the place. I said my head was spinning!

October 10, 2007

I was perusing a CD of images from last Spring when we were working on my dad's house and found sweet, sweet pictures of Te-bug. Boy they grow fast. He was only just over a year so of course he was still a little rolly-polly guy. Anymore - he's lanking out and turning into a little boy. Most days he talks about now he grows big and strong. He is so much fun to watch - grateful for our blessing.

Today is one of those days where I feel flooded with emotion - where I just want to scream and kick and cry - I miss my dad, I miss him - I miss him - I miss him. I don't know what triggers these types of days other then when I feel like I am stomping through this world and it feels like there is no one of this plane who understands me. I was just listening to a song while the credits ran on the movie, The Wild, and I started to cry. Te asked me, "What's wrong momma, you sad? Are you crying momma? why?" Through my tears I said, "I miss my daddy." Te then says, "You miss your daddy momma, he in Heaven. It be OK momma." As he takes a hand pats me on the shoulder and then embraces me with a hug. Then he tells me some more that it will be OK and then he offered up his Mater Truck for me to play with - just what my heart needs.

Veggie Tunnel

Posting an image of the progress of our vegetable tunnel that we built, planted, etc. with about 8 villager women and the farmer, Mr. Mlaba who owns the land. Mr. Mlabais the gentleman on the right actually dug dirt from his own garden to use in these bags for planting the spinach plants in the veggie tunnel. It looks like Theo on the left who was the gentleman who actually found the land for us to build our project. It was one of our most successful. When I get my photos organized and posted I will upload the process it took to build this sustainable tunnel.

Sidenote: Mr. Mlaba has the MOST incredible singing voice. The first day we completed work we gathered in prayer - but I was kind of clueless at the instance it was taking place - and he started singing praise and it just warmed you up and gave you goosebumps. It was such a beautiful offering of spirit.

Vicariously

Today I talked with my friend Allison, who traveled to South Africa with me, and found out she will be doing her Ameri Corp stint at Camphill Village in Capoke, NY. I am kinda, sorta jealous of her because is sounds like a very enriching and exciting experience. She's doing things I wish I had when I was her age - but instead was too scared of something or apprehensive to truly set myself free. Don't get me wrong, I would of flown, but someone would of had to push me a little and those who needed to push me to express myself probably didn't really know my innermost hearts desires. Really my problem was that for ten years after my grandma died it took me forever to heal. When I finally found peace I was settled into a relationship that kept me pretty well content. Now that I would really like to abandon ship and travel the world and our country practicing goodwill - I am limited in scope because now I have a family. One of my obstacles is not so much having a child, but having a husband who gets it but doesn't get it. It's one of those things that's a little hard to explain. He supports me in what I do and I would love to physically share these experiences with him, but he's not a traveler, he's a lot of what I am not and at times it's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just doesn't get it. Some people might call me selfish, others might call me selfless. I know that when I travel and leave Te with Jeff or my family I have faith that everyone will be more then OK, Jeff worries and thinks about things not being OK. How does someone overcome that worrisome pessimism? I am also of the mindset that Te can come along, but Jeff again puts up the armor and says no. I pray by the time Te is eight he'll have the opportunity to travel and share in my hearts desire and his dad will have more faith in the "OK". I know we have a lifetime ahead of us to share together, but I know already at a young age he has so much to give - and the sooner you can share something with them outside of themselves the door swings wider and the global community gets smaller. I learned at a young age from my grandma about giving back, I also learned the trait from my Aunt TT. Te will learn it first in his community - then spread his wings as his community grows as he grows. So even though I can't go to CampHill like Allison, I can go to Camphill and visit Allison and that's what I plan to do, Te in tow.

Something Wonderful

Today I received a delightful email from my South Africa friend Debbie who put my art project in motion. Originally the plan was for my project to take place when we had the Youth Exchange with the United Church Boarding School in Yeoville, Johannesburg. However, they forwarded our itinerary just a couple days before departure and it appeared we would have no time to implement the project because the kids would be matriching (testing) and in between testing they had ALL sorts of activities planned. So I left my canvas in Centocow when we departed for the city and told Debbie what the project was about. Ironically a couple days before I told her about my project she had been visiting with the nuns at the mission and the nuns had commented on how they desperately needed something for their walls. So with that said, the wheels were in motion. Debbie said she would get the four canvases dispersed among some children and have them paint their interpretation of the senses of peace. The senses of peace being smell, taste, feel, see, etc. So this is a canvas in the works and according to the teacher this is the first time these students have ever used paints. I can hardly wait to receive my canvas that will most certainly be treasured in my house wherever I go.

Life rolling along

It's been ages since I've sat down to write. A lot has obviously happened in the last month. We were in and out of town the last six weeks so that would partially explain my writing absence. This summer has flown by with my trip to Africa and then these past six weeks of traveling to Sandpoint, Salt Lake, and Seattle. I am getting closer to formulating my thoughts about my Journey in June. I need to get my thank yous out to all the people who supported me in my project. I try to explain the experience but I really can't - the only way anyone will know what it's like is to travel there. So - in my attempt I am writing about what we did, including photos, and a couple stories written by our students. With a "thank you packet" perhaps I can illustrate the experience. Once I manage to get the thank you packet completed I will post a blog or a link from my developing web page.
Ironically a few weeks back I put the intention out there of "how can I go to Africa every year or every other year?" The Universe responded by introducing me to a few more people involved with organizations that travel to Africa and now I have to figure out how I can convince Jeff to allow me to continue this desirable pursuit.
So beyond Africa our summer has included spending Saturdays at the Market. We went to Sandpoint the 2nd weekend in August and had a little mini reunion among old friends. Merris had me rolling with laughter - I have not cried or laughed so hysterically where I couldn't breath in eons. The last weekend in August we spent in Salt Lake for Diane & Ray's wedding and a Nodzu family reunion. It was nice to actually see the WHOLE clan minus Uncle Tom (Guzman). Then this past weekend we were in Seattle for the BSU vs. UW game (which stunk) and we were able to share our time throughout the weekend with my mom & Beboot, niece, nephews, sisters, and brother-in-law. Te is now learning the families - names that is - before we went to Salt Lake I was rattling off all the names of the Nodzus and he told me to quit talking. There was like 50 of us. He's gotta learn the names, cause at Thanksgiving there is usually about 30 of us. The little people's names are easy to retain since that's the company he keeps - but when I showed him a picture of Tom and his siblings he referred to all of them as grandmas and papas. Go figure. More tomorrow.

Deadline

I can thank my friend Reham for talking me up and giving me a deadline. I could probably talk and talk forever about what I want to do with my pics from Africa and now she has me processing my presentation. I want to actually do a pretty large scale installation - and now Dana, the reporter who wrote the great story about me & Jeff, knows I have this "Africa idea" and plans on reporting about whatever I manifest in November. It has definitely been a work in progress in my mind - now I have to physically put it together - which means I have to start to identify with what South Africa and it's people meant to me, how it changed me, what we as individuals can do to help others, etc. It's a pretty monumental undertaking - I guess that means I have to start taking a day off from work just to get this thing built ...that's OK! I will inform all of you when it all starts to come together and those that are resourceful friends that can help - you'll be getting phone calls or emails here shortly!

It's been awhile

Well - I haven't been blogging consistently the past couple weeks because I haven't been on my computer at night as much as I normally am. In fact, I've kind of shunned the computer on the weekends as well so I don't get much photo editing or blog thinking writing done. Oh well. There has definitely been some exciting stuff going on in our lives. Most recently the Idaho Statesman ran a nice article on Jeff and I in the Sunday Life section. http://www.idahostatesman.com/387/story/125115.html It's nice to be recognized. This last week at Market I sold a couple mobiles and a chick painting so I need to get busy and work, work, work. Especially with the article coming out I should have a full booth to complement. I am also going to pursue a venue in Eagle for selling some of my personal art so we'll see how it starts to pay off!
Wednesday begins our six weeks of coming and going. We're headed to Sandpoint this weekend for a mini-reunion with friends and family. Next week we're home. The 22nd we're off to Salt Lake for a Nodzu wedding, home the 1st & 2nd; then off to Seattle for the BSU vs. UW game where we'll be fortunate enough to stay with my mom and visit with my sisters, nephews, and niece. Jeff will be exhausted from traveling for awhile after the 8th - he's not one for traveling so much - me on the other hand am extremely excited to see family and the country along the ride.

Super Fabulous Sunday

Yesterday the Temeister and me ventured up to the Beach on the Main Payette just south of Banks with my good friend Julie and leisured in the sun and river for about 2.5 hours. It was awesome to just getaway for a couple hours and out of town - it is amazing what it can do for my attitude. We hung out on the sandbar which is perfect for Te since it's so shallow, and perfect for me since on one side it's almost like walking into the deep end. He was so self-contained and easy it was perfect. We managed to get home with three hours to spare to prepare for the BBQ we hosted last night for Tom's birthday, my birthday, & LaDawn's birthday. I worked non-stop from the moment I walked through the door until Duana & clan showed up at 6pm. Te slept until 545pm so that was an added bonus. Te had a fun-filled day with the river, friends, and family. Devin & Kobe are his best buds - it is fun to watch their dynamics evolve - they'll be very much like brothers as they get bigger and older. I am grateful for my relationship with Dui - for myself and for Te. Celso even managed to make an appearance which made all the better. I'll get some pictures posted of yesterday. Sundays are now my designated days to go to the Payette with Te - minus next weekend when Julie, Te, & I will be attending the Goddess Fest for some palm reading or something of the sorts :) In the Fall Sundays will turn into hiking days. I also did not turn my computer on the entire weekend which was a feat in and of itself - but actually very very liberating, so I think it will also be a new practice.

Trade

Anymore when I take photos of Te he insists that it is his turn to take pictures. He knows the difference between my camera and his dad's camera and I am now starting to teach him about the different parts of an SLR camera - thus far we've learned "viewfinder." My camera is a bit heavy for a little tyke to hold so we always make sure the strap is around the neck and have faith it will be safe in little hands. I know the weight can be a little cumbersome because today when I was commuting to work on my bike I was questioning myself on why my bag felt heavier today, I remembered I had my camera and it is always loaded with a 28-200 lens. Anyways in order for me to get the two photos I got of Te yesterday morning he had to take about five pics of momma - the best one of Te's is posted here and you can tell the before and after shot once I made a compromise with Te that if he let me take his picture eating his peanut butter and nutella toasted sandwich for breakfast he could take a photo of me.

35....

Whoa - I cannot believe I am 35. I don't feel 35. In fact, I don't think you ever really feel your age. Like my dad - I use to get so frustrated with him because I thought he should act more his age - or at least more grown up, and appear responsible. However, when I reflect back now - it's like how? Yes, you can be and act responsible at any age - but there is no harm in seeing the world through a child's eyes, or hearing with a child's ears - as Bernie Seigel would say "you will realize how funny life really is." So here's to my dad, as I age, I realize how much I really just want to feel childlike in my body. Meaning, seeing and experiencing life with a not so serious attitude. Life is short - it's meant to be a wonderful ride. Light and dark are the same, just reflect on the lessons you seek and set ego aside.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

New photos on the photo blog...http://changinghat.blogspot.com

Wow! A Title!

This week Te & I have had our fair share of quality time and I think it's reflecting in his responsive behavior. If I could stay home with my sweet man I would - every day - cause they grow super fast. Fortunate for him & daddy they get to spend their days together. However, this week I took Wednesday off since I was terribly sour on Monday & Tuesday and it helped my attitude a bit. All in all - we've had four activities outside of the house and without daddy where Te has had a fantastic time - a party, the river, the new park with water features, a play date with cousins. It's been more then good. As a result I think I was blessed today with his immediate responses to my commands or warnings which does not normally happen. Yes, I try to make him listen to me - but my boundaries are not as inhibiting as Jeff's - and I do try to let him just be. However, there are those moments in time where I just need him to listen to make my life easier. Since I've come home from Africa I have been way more consistent with shortening my boundaries a bit so that in the long term I don't drive myself insane due to me falling short in the early years. And I was blessed with progress today.

Aching for Change

I would say the most evident transformation from my experience to Africa has resulted in me not wanting to go back to the way things were. I have been aching for change in my life for probably more then a year, maybe two - but in the last 4 weeks it's like my mind is saying as well as my heart and my soul - change is now. The change I am aching for and embracing mostly falls on the work front. Working for family has it's ups and downs - and more often then not the ups far out weigh the downs. However, I am extremely underpaid for what I do, so with that said, I know my enthusiasm at work suffers which results in me being lackadaisical. If I want a raise then it falls in my lap to go out and solicit business so we can afford to give me a raise. If everyone was passionate about our business and actively trying to make the business grow and succeed perhaps my attitude would be different. But everyone is just doing it - going through the motions - that's it. Working hard for other people with really no reward. Yes, I am rewarded with the relationships I've created with our customers, I can continue to have those relationships without the overhead. The last couple days I have been more sour then usual, and before it starts affecting my relationship with my husband I need a pretty swift attitude change. I get sour with the biz, which I get sour with the in-laws, which I get sour with Jeff. Granted I should refrain from getting sour with Jeff - I just often times feel like I am in a rut and I am desperately trying to crawl out. I need to get rid of my sense of obligation to his family and pursue my passion. All will be fine and probably more grand if I reduce the amount of time I share at work. And if I make the time to get the hell out of town.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Te is such a sweet boy. Every day he amazes me with his stamina, sense of adventure, and his boy tendencies that keeps me on my toes. God Bless him. He is a good boy. A moment of quiet contemplation, a brief reprieve.

It's A Small World After All

So Saturday night at Cheryl's wedding I was sitting down snacking and sipping a beer when I met Miles Pietsch. He told me I've probably seen him in Boise, or at least his brother Scott who is an acupuncturist who looks just like him - except he's 6'6". I talked with Miles through out the night and he seems to be good people. Tonight as we were setting up for First Thursday on the block before the Grove I looked over at a potter who was setting up her stuff as I talked to my friend Mike and said, "I'll be right back, I'm going to see if this guy is Scott." I walked up and talked to Erin (the potter, Scott's wife) and pointed to Scott and said, "Is his name Scott?" And she's like, "yea." So then I proceeded to tell them the story of Miles this past weekend - and who would of thunk 4 days later I would be shaking hands with his brother.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

One Blue Moon Saturday. This was a self-portrait taken the morning of Cheryl's wedding shortly after we finished hiking for the morning and relaxing in the hot tub sipping wine prior to her monumental wedding day - 14 years of patiently waiting for the time to be just right -for Joe that is.

Headstone

Friday, June 29, 2007 I was in Richfield, Idaho to document my cousin's (Ciara) wedding. It was the first time I'd been back to Richfield since we buried my dad - and the first time I saw his monument. I wish in hindsight I would of remembered to bring some flowers. I thought it was pretty classic that the locals were living it up with ol' Mikey as is evident by the Mardi Gras beads. I know there are many people who miss the three dimensional spirit of my dad. There are so many moments in my life that pass that I wish he was here as my sounding board and as my comforting shoulder. I know he comforts me. I had a dream a couple weeks ago - a night when I was wishing my dad was still on the earth plane. I remember having two vivid dreams that showed me images of him writhing in pain had he continued his existence beyond his scheduled date of departure. Then following those dreams I had another image of me sleeping face down on my bed (formerly my dad's bed) with my dad over the top of me with one hand on my shoulder while he bent over and kissed me on the back of my head. It was a message telling me that he is still with me. The kiss was where you would find the "angel kiss" so many children come into this world with - it was a nice blessing.

Rrroarr On

Boy, it's probably a good thing God blessed me with Te; otherwise who knows what this party chic would be doing. This past weekend I spent time in Richfield & Ketchum documenting both a cousin's and good friend's wedding. My first photo opp was Friday night in Richfield and this party girl was fairly mild and put herself to bed at midnight knowing Saturday was a full-planned day. I woke early Saturday and headed North to Ketchum for all the pre-func before the wedding & pictures. We spent part of the morning hiking and early afternoon soaking ourselves hopping between the hot tub and the river up Warm Springs close to Frenchmen's Hot Springs. Early afternoon was spent watching girls fix their hair and apply their make-up. We headed to Baker Creek, documented one of the most beautiful weddings, and then it was off to Apple's Grill & Bar for a full night of partying and getting one's groove on. I stayed fairly responsible while drinking up until the jello shots came out - and I think the liquor did me in. Once I got some liquor in me, my rroarr was on and I partied till a bit past day break. Sometimes I wonder about myself and my party-girl tendencies, but at least now I have a sweet boy that keeps fairly sane. Had my family been with me the night would of been cut short by eight hours - I'm sure of it. Anyways - it's always good to let yourself loose occasionally - and pray that God keeps one safe.

Image of Africa

I posted a handful of images on my photo blog: http://changinghat.blogspot.com from Africa. I have thousands of images to weed through - it may take me awhile.

I Cry For Africa

In all honesty I was not sure of the impact that Africa would have on me spiritually or emotionally. It is a beautiful place with beautiful people - where it feels like my heart bleeds. While I walked I probably did not appear so humble, nor while I talked. Since I've been home however, I am starting to realize the impact or footprint it impressed upon my soul. The first night I was home lying in bed - I cried - I cried for a country I already missed. A sort of loneliness in my heart, wondering when my next opportunity will come to fly home again. They say if you start going to Africa - you have to be prepared to make continuous trips - because Africa is home to all mankind.

Perspective

I have a lot to say about South Africa - however this post is not exclusive to my South Africa experience, that will come later. I just feel inclined to comment on how when one is extracted from their regular routine of things how priorities and perspectives are shifted. What I saw in South Africa did not shift my priorities and perspectives like it may have many others, it just extracted me from my regular routine of things and made me come home with new priorities, thus shifting my perspective. The month of May I was completely and totally out of control. I was very excited to have numerous photo shoots on top of working at TomKat and the Market, but I had zero time for family or pleasure. I knew that I would come home from South Africa safely - cause usually when I am packing the day I leave - it means life will continue as normal. Even up to the day I left Tom called me into the shop to work on some damn rush job prior to departure which seriously pissed me off. I am done with being a part of the "I demand it now" society. Being in South Africa our itinerary had us running every day - that is something I would change. Africa was awesome, the people, the places - all on a different schedule then us Americans. Our days were packed with needing to be somewhere and needing to be somewhere now. The only people I am going to allow to demand my attention now include my husband, my baby, and my family & friends. However, when I say family I do not mean TomKat since it is our family business. The people we help & service at TomKat are going to get their work in a timely manner - just not yesterday. So, we'll see if I keep my new perspective...I can't wait to go back to Africa.

Melting down

Boy! Today was an overwhelming day. I know there is only so much I can do before I leave and some things just have to wait. I think the past ten days has put me in a situation where I've been assessing all these responsibilities I have and how I need to start establishing boundaries and prioritizing what is truly truly important to me. I'm a giver - and I have a tendency to give and give and give and seldom ask to take. I don't even allow myself to take from myself. That has to change. I was in and out of the shop today desperately trying to get a job done by tomorrow and although I don't mind the job - the job is running me - limiting my commitment to my family, pleasure time with friends, and effectively packing for South Africa. I have for more then two years talked about taking one day off per week for time with Te. The time is now and I have to quit talking about it.

Last night was the first time my boy has ever said, "I love you." He says he loves things like pizza, but never I love you to Jeff or myself. So last night out of the blue Te says to me, "I love you." I tell Te back, "I love you." And Te again replies, "No, I love you." A running conversation for about five minutes. It was sweet and so what I needed to hear when the nerves and emotions are getting the best of me and causing me to meltdown to tears cause I am feeling so overwhelmed with responsibilities.

I know when I get back - shit is still going to need attending to - I'll have to take another vacation just to redeem my sanity. There may also be a little PMS in the ingredients list...

Hugs

My sweet friend Reham forwarded me this You Tube clip and it inspires me to want to hug everyone. What our world needs is more love and if I can be a vehicle for inspiring others to be led by their hearts then so I must follow my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Also if you take the time to watch the entire video -remember what it feels like to be loved - to be embraced. The real ringer for me, and I really do not know if every child works like mine with a pure heart, but my kid is a hugger. He loves to hug his friends, often time surprising them from the rear and everyone topples over. My son loves to hug his friends so much that depending on the day sometimes he has to be disciplined from sharing his love so exuberantly. It can be overwhelming. I hope that Te and the people he surrounds himself will continue to hug the shit out of each other - with so much enthusiasm that everyone feels the love.

And to all the kind and generous souls that make my heart swell with love and gratitude for supporting me and our mission team in our pursuit to do good in Africa, thank you, thank you, thank you. Today I received yet another check and I am really overwhelmed with emotion - it makes my heart sing. It is truly fabulous!

A hike with Te

9 days and counting

Two weeks from today I'll be going on a river trip with hippos and crocs and then traveling off to Shakaland for a stayover. The anticipation is over-the-top. I can hardly contain my excitement. I know I'll miss my family and especially my sweet boy, but I'll come home and have so much exciting adventure and lessons of love to talk about. I had a revelation the other day while laying down with Te as I put him to bed that I would more then likely cry myself to sleep a couple nights cause I know I will miss him so. For two weeks I won't be able to hug and kiss on him, but my profound ability to love will be shared with many more children who don't get the hugs and love they need or want from parents who do not exist. So many things to do in preparation since I always do things under the gun. I need to make myself about four lists so I know what's going on here, what I need to do and bring to prepare for Africa, what I need to do to help Jeff - make sure all my child care is lined out. It's mind-boggling, however, what doesn't get done will have to wait and in all reality not really a pressing matter.

Anticipation...

19 more days and we'll be on a plane routed to Johannesburg, South Africa. Time moves so swiftly that what now feels like forever, will be here shortly. We'll be in South Africa for two weeks - and we have at this moment just over two weeks before departure. Oh how I will miss my boy. He changes and grows each day - and it will be enlightening to see his evolution upon my return. I am trying to prepare Jeff for my return home so to lighten the emotional load when I come home and decompress. Jeff of course had to remind me that I still have to contend with the attention of a two-year-old who will be over the top gleeful to see his momma. We'll see though - perhaps Te will have tons of question. He knows I am going to Africa to help kids and keeps asking and telling me he wants to help babies. In due time we will give him the opportunity to give back and at an early age learn the gift of giving. Right now he's sitting beside me watching Brother Bear and he is so endearing. The little habits, body language, everything that already defines who he is - my goal is to help him to develop into a strong spiritual individual who leads with his heart and through examples like South Africa can I teach my child about giving. So looking forward to this most blessed experience. May God watch over us and our families keeping us all safe while we help him spread his love.

Head Shot

Jeannine from SVF said she needed a head shot of me for my lanyard so I did a quickie self-portrait series at work at arms length. Thought these were kind of funny so I am posting them to remind me of what a dork I am! Had a great maternity shoot today - and today it is a beautiful day in the Valley.

1973

This is the image I was talking about where Jeff & Te look so similar - the expression and everything. Sweet boys, eh?

A boy and his horse

Today Pop-pop Tom came over with a bag and a box of photos for Jeff and I to peruse. There is a Nodzu family reunion coming up in August prior to Jeff's cousin's (Diane) wedding in Salt Lake. Karen who is organizing the event wants everyone to provide baby pictures. It was fun to go through the images and see the connections among family and friends. I happened upon a photo that I had to extract from the pile because it is an image of Jeff when he was about two - the same age as Te, and they look almost identical. I think it's the expression - I will get it posted as soon as I scan it in.

I took this pic yesterday when Te & Jeff were arriving at the Market before Te caught a glance of his momma. I think it is such a endearing image.

29 days and counting

We are 29 days away from departure to South Africa - talk about being nervous and excited. It's time to buckle down and start assembling all the items I need during travel. I have a friend who intends to host a party for me so that I can acquire my necessities that still need purchase - which is an awesome gesture. It frightens me in a sense knowing I will be away from my baby for 16 days - he will be a changed little dude - much like his momma when I return. Every day Te changes, he makes new discoveries, says new things, constantly evolving and absorbing his world around him. The boy is a chatterbox so I am sure I'll get an earful when I come home, I am hoping that when I call home from South Africa that he will be delighted to talk to me on the phone. The other day I was telling SVF Founder, Jeannine Smith, that this whole experience seems too surreal and that it will continue to be surreal even when I come back home. I still can't believe we're going to South Africa. I guess Africa was one continent I never really gave much thought too - until I met Jeannine - and then it was a matter of "who knows, if ever, maybe." Well it's none of those things, it's real, and I leave in 29 days. Thanking God every day for this wonderful opportunity to grow in spirit knowing when I return I will be different - always in a good way - and grateful that God made it happen for me.

Today a toast to my daddy - to teaching me about letting my soul sing and dance in this physical manifestation, that this reality is only temporary and that we are meant to make the most of living. It is a profound experience - an opportunity to grow in spirit - and every day grateful to be alive. Thank you daddy, Happy Birthday.

BW Kitty

I think this a sweet image of BW - our rescue kitty I found in our neighbors' outdoor shed next to our fence when he was just weeks old. He had two brothers and a young momma who had been abandoned a year earlier. I managed to give one of his brothers away (Yoda) and his other brother MJ died when he got into some anti-freeze when we were trying to catch them. We had to employ a cat-trap to capture BW; he is a rather keen cat. Momma kitty was friendly so we were able to catch her with ease - and get her fixed - no more reproducing and our back neighbors took her in and plumped her up. BW has always been half-wild. For a time he use to play with ole Maxey Boy before Stan the Man came along. Once Stan came along as a pup BW quit playing with Max. However, in our new digs and over the course of the past couple months - Stan & BW have become the best of friends. They play together, sleep together, and sun themselves on the deck together. It is very cool to see the bond they share. Before moving to dad's house BW would be on the prowl and you wouldn't see him except maybe once a month - either it comes with age - or it's the new place but nowadays he's always staring in at us through the glass door. He likes attention now - and willingly let's Jeff handle him. He's a beautiful kitty - and the kind I like - needs limited attention and lives outside.

Small Village Foundation 2007 Youth Mission Team

This is most of our team - we're missing two people from Arizona, one at college at UPS, and one from Wyoming. We embark to South Africa May 30, 2007. 35 days and counting. We were all a little giddy with excitement at our last meeting - it is a very exciting time in all our lives.

Time moving swiftly

Saturday was the first day of the 2007 Market Season - more vendors and more patrons - everyone excited for Spring. It was a beautiful sunshiny day with a few bursts of wind that saw some photograph panels, wood furniture, and a canopy taking flight. Every week is a learning experience of how to keep your stuff secure - I've learned you just don't put up your walls and if the wind is blowing you put everything down low. If it's raining you try to move as much of your stuff inside of the canopy drips and be sure you bring your plastic totes to keep all goods dry.

I'll admit - my last two weeks have been a little over the top in preparation of Market. I am busy at TomKat designing and printing art and print paraphernalia for other fellow vendors along with all our other business, staying up late making inventory for Market, scheduling photo shoots, and attending emergency meetings - while at the same time making time for Te and picking up around the house. Yesterday and today it's like my body is saying "we need rest!" I feel more tired then usual - I don't normally work on 5 hours a sleep - I need 9. So tonight I anticipate watching Heroes (yay!) and going to bed early. We will be attending the Nihon Matsuri in Salt Lake City for the 3rd year - so after tonight the rest of the week will again be dedicated to late nights. May proves to be a busy month ahead. Lots of photography shoots and preparing for South Africa.

Mr. Te is amazing as usual. Very busy little dude. We've had some battle of the wills, typical two-year-old behavior challenging his boundaries. I am not one for swatting him on the rear, yet at times that has been the most effective. However, I have been trying a new method that involves consequences - timeouts work sometimes, swats on the bum work sometime....however, telling him that if he continues to do something he's been asked to stop will result in "x" - it always results in a postive response. For example, yesterday we went to a birthday party and one of the rules is no one plays on the top bunk bed. Te wanted to climb the ladder and I told him, "If you climb that ladder we're going home." Te did not climb the ladder.

Yesterday in route to the birthday party Te informed us his best friend is Coho. Our orange male tabby cat. It was pretty sweet. What the kid knows, what he comprehends it is all so amazing. He's smart as a whip and the memory he has is phenomenal. I just Thank God for our gift.

Growing Up

They always say children grow like weeds. It is always overwhelming how quickly Te changes. He is such a beautiful and amazing little dude. Last Friday we picked up his bed and he slept well on Saturday night. Momma on the other hand cried. Sunday he woke up about four times, inquiring, "mom? mom?" - eventually I put him in his bed beside ours about 4am. Two more nights he slept in his bed - then the other night I asked if he was going to be a big boy and sleep in his bed while momma went to sleep in her bed. Te said, me sleep momma bed. I may of not been so lenient except I was tired and I knew one way or the other I was going to have to lay down with him to help him go to sleep. So - he is again sleeping in the bed beside ours. I don't mind - and I know eventually I do have to let him move on into his room across the hall and be persistent about it, yet I am not anxious. I find it quite comforting listening to him sleep - although I have been told I will find great pleasure in redeeming my bed & bedroom back. In due time.
Since Te's bed has come into the house the cats seem to hang around in his bedroom more then before. In fact the first night, both Coho & Spike, slept at the foot of Te's bed. The other day Te went into his bedroom and Jeff called me to tell me that Te found Spike on his bed and told him as Spike got up to leave, "get out, get out, get out of my business." The things they pick up.

Everyday Te amazes me - so desperately trying to keep the memories fresh.

Today as we left Auntie's I asked Te if he wanted to go home or go for a hike. He answered by saying, "the river." So we went for a little walk along the Boise River banks off Parkcenter and across from Warm Springs Golf Course. Te ran down the Greenbelt across the bridge and down the dirt path. We threw rocks in the river, got our feet wet. It was a beautiful day.

Delayed Anticipation

We were suppose to leave for St. George, UT on Friday except Te came down with a cold and there's no way were leaving the vicinity until we know his breathing is in the clear. Last year during Spring Break we ran to the Oregon Coast with the Marleys and exasperated a cold Te had that landed us in the hospital. Granted we are running off to warmer weather - it just makes sense to stick put when your kid needs breathing treatments every few hours. Usually day 3 is the climax of most of his colds and then it's on the downhill slope. We anticipate departure on Monday. However, if we are unable to travel to St. George to drink in Zion National Park or St. George's 28th annual Art Festival - we'll live no different. In fact, if we stick close to home for a week it may potentially be more productive in regards to preparing for Spring, Market, and finding order in our lives after a year. I love to roadtrip and I love to leave the valley - however, sometimes the Universe tells you to just stay put - the lesson you need to learn is right in your backyard. We are fortunate that we see many sunny days - and if I check out the weather channel perhaps the valley has some awesome weather to behold. I am open to whatever falls into our lap.

Something sweet. Yesterday before going to the doc to check out this crap on Te's face - I had Te dressed with his jacket on and everything ready to go. He needed his nose cleaned since he had a bunch of dried boogs from his cold. Normally when I am trying to get Te to focus on what I am saying I take his sweet face in my hand and make him look at me while I address him. He told me he didn't want me to clean his face. He proceeded to place his two little hands on my cheeks and said to me, "momma look at me, look at me momma." I said yes. "Momma no clean face." It was truly one of those sweet and very very endearing moments.

Patience

Today in yoga class as I lay during my last five minutes of meditation my mantra is I am an artist, I am me, It is my gift to share with others, To teach and empower by showcasing my vulnerability. As I think about my gift and what I have to give, Jenny the instructor reads a little ditty about Patience. The first sentence is what caught me. "Patience is the most powerful, yet difficult spiritual lesson." With that said, it directed me to reflect on what I learned from Tonya, my psychic consultant, about how my lesson in this lifetime is "patience." It was actually kind of a spiritual epiphany. Patience is tolerance. That's what I learned today. Now my lesson is to learn patience with myself and others. I need to remember how I treat Te and how I have an abundance of patience with him - and apply in my life to everyone and everything. Since my psychic reading I feel like I am flying - that the gates have swung wide open and I am being flooded with information that really truly sets me free. Freedom comes in the disguise of learning to actually love yourself - the elimination of ego.

And when we talk about ego - today I fell again in yoga class trying to do this insane pose -and it was noted that falling is wonderful cause at least I am pushing beyond my boundaries, extending myself beyond my ego. When I fall, I laugh...I learn and it's beautiful...I just pick myself up and keep on trying.

Giddy Anticipation

We are four days out until we runaway to the Southwest Corner of Utah - off to St. George, UT and Zion National Park. I am really excited for this experience - I have not had this kind of anticipation in a really long time. I feel it will be a truly nurturing experience for me and my family. I fortunately started working out again about a month and a half ago so I should be strong enough to pack Te around for 4 or 5 days as we explore the picturesque park. I have never been so I am anxiously exploring trails. My trail selection is limited however based on the fact that Jeff is not one for heights so we have to chose those within reason. I am sure we will encounter our challenges with Te being two and wanting to be on the ground - hopefully the movement and serene beauty of the landscape will keep him content and we'll definitely find those moments for him to stretch his legs. So - in a week I look forward to posting images of where we've been.

A Master in the Making

Kids in general are amazing. I often wonder where or how Te retains or knows the things he does. Yesterday we went to Opal's 4th birthday party and last night as we laid in bed we talked about the party. Te reminded me that there was a "horse cake." It took me a moment and then I confirmed that yes there was a horse cake - in fact it was a unicorn. As we spoke of the unicorn Te told me they could fly. Of course that made me wonder - how the heck does Te know unicorns can fly? As I discussed it with Jeff later, Jeff told me about how a couple days ago Te put two sticks on the ground - put his feet on them - and then said, ski. It proves they are WAY more in tune with their surroundings then we like to perhaps believe. Anymore if Jeff and I start to have a little arguement - the first response from Te is "stop." Such a keen soul.

However, no matter how brilliant they are - they still need to be directed. After the party yesterday Anna sent us home with a can filled with a little bouncy ball and a wiffle ball. Note to self and other parents alike, no wiffle balls until fingers are too fat or big to fit in the holes. A lesson well learned yesterday as Te managed to get his middle left finger stuck in a wiffle ball. I had to convince him to let me cut it 1/2 way off if he wanted a steamer. I told him he had to let me eliminate so of the ball so he could hold the cup. Te would of been content to keep it on his finger - when I intially tried to take it off he put his hand in his lap and told me, "it good momma, me lap." So the remaining part of the ball had to be removed as Te took a nap. A little one hour ordeal trying to be creative and think of "how the hell am I going to get the damn ball off the kids finger." Anyone who has ever had to contend with a two-year-old and their will knows it's not an easy task - and I still woke Te up in writhing pain as I tried cutting the remainder of the ball off. So remember, note to self, no wiffle balls.

Tonight we spent some time painting with tempura paints - so here's a glimpse of what we painted and more images are posted at changinghat.blogspot.com.

Nice to meet you

So you wonder what kind of memory retention little people have - like what their first memory is - especially someone like me who frankly has forgotten many memories in my life that are played back to me by family and friends. Te was bitten by Stan on October 14, 2006. We don't talk about it alot - he knows Stan bit him. He tells you when you pull back his hair to apply vitamin E. The scars are clearing up nicely which is a relief to me, and probably an even bigger relief to Jeff. It was less than a month ago before the redness on the forehead scar started dissipating that Jeff wanted me to call the plastic surgeon. I have made a point to not make any kind of deal out of it cause I never want Te to have any hang ups. I am pretty certain he will not. That was five months ago.
Today - he kind of threw me off guard when he was done eating his dinner he clasped my hand in both of his little hands, started shaking it, and saying, "nice to meet you, nice to meet you." My dad taught him that little gesture - probably more then a year ago - and probably not much since he passed. It was very cool and at the same time very trippy. It just proves his memory retention goes back at least a year.
I know Te has a pretty sound memory - his retention level is phenomenal - his comprehension too. I love that little dude - he teaches me new things every day. Thank God for our blessings, no need to count them, because this whole experience called life is really all a blessing in disguise.

How Many Times?

I know for many raised in the Christian world that reincarnation does not happen. Yet to me it seems very real and possible - perhaps because of my many inquisitive meetings with clairvoyants and other seers and healers over the course of my lifetime. I think from a young age I've always sensed something beyond this dimension - how do you explain hearing your named constantly called in the wind every night, or while stepping of the back porch?! A simple explanation to some would be, it's all in your head - but is it really?
I believe in God and I also believe in reincarnation. I think when we come to this plane we come to grow in spirit - why would you not continue to return to further the growth of your spirit? I think to be lost and found once again - serving up new lessons in each lifetime, reconnecting you to home, to God - and expanding God's knowledge of himself. We are all a part of God - and as each of us grow in Spirit, thus God grows in Spirit.
Today I will share a little of my last psychic reading that I had today with a woman named Tonya Somers. It was conducted via the phone and she never asked any leading questions other than what my name was and when I was born. I had a list of about ten questions I wanted to address if we had time - one being whether or not my dad, Harry, my grandma, or anyone else for that matter on the other side had anything to share with me. Of course my dad came through loud and clear and wanted Tonya to let me know that yes "I can walk on water." With that said, he started to dance on the water. She described his personality clear as day, said he was somewhat of a jokster and smart ass/allecky kind of energy. I asked how many lifetimes we've shared because I know - I've seen it in my astrological chart - that we've shared many. 17 times was the confirmation and that we have willing gone back and forth between the parent and child role. My dad also said that he was ready - meaning ready to be our next child. Girl, boy he doesn't care - we've both been both sexes before so he's ready to come back and be my child - and I will know it's him because I will recognize his eyes. He also makes him self present to Te which I thought was very cool.
Beyond my daddy coming through to chat both of my grandmothers and my friend Harry came through as well. My lola, according to Tonya, was very funny - she is a very busy soul traveling the globe checking in on all her children and grandchildren. I told Tonya that her children have issues and she said she knows they all have issues and that she use to be a screamer. My Grandma Wilson came through and said she is with me, that whenever I smell flowers or scents that is her presence. Grandma wanted me to know that she loves my child, Te - which I thought was awesome. Harry said he appreciates me, that he wanted to know me (much like I wanted to know him too!), his legs are good he can walk now, is glad to have me in his life, and that he meant to show me good things about men. And we've supposedly shared 3 lives together.
I also asked about my relationship with my friend Julie, which I found out we've shared 42 lifetimes together. We've always, always wondered why her dog Roxy loves me so much - I think it boils down to Roxy knowing me 42 lifetimes as well. Her and Julie have shared every lifetime together. Jeff is a young soul, 25 lifetimes, and this is our first real life together - although I've had had close ties to his family lineage for over two hundred lifetimes. I have been a native american at least 23 times, and each of those manifestations I've been with Te - I am uncertain of our relationship I forgot to ask, but we were in the same tribe.
One important question I had was why I am so apprehensive about the spirit world, ie. seeing it, interacting with it - beyond prayer - and it's because I've been burnt and stoned at the stake when I manifested into the world as a white person. As a native american I was like a shaman of sorts and communicating with spirit was accepted.
So - come to find out - I was curious how many lives I've supposedly lived and the number is...500. I was like holy caca. Then I inquired how many lifetimes Te has lived...this is amazing...13000. 13000. I have also been told that Te had a vanishing twin - and one of Te's spiritual guides told Tonya her name and her name is Sassy. Sassy has spent many lifetimes with Te and chose this lifetime to be one of his guides, Sassy is Te's vanishing twin. I have also been told that my stepdad, Bebot, has been Te's dad in a previous life. In fact, he's been his dad twice - once in Pennsylvania and once in Thailand. I have four spirit guides: Charlotte, James, Buffalo Running, and Shitakoa. I asked a few more questions - and it's all been very enlightening. Now I think Jeff is intrigued.
I am not telling anyone to believe what I believe - that there is a thing such as reincarnation - I'm just saying follow the path that feels right to you and do not be afraid to explore who you are and what your role is in this manifestation. My challenge/lesson(s) for this lifetime include patience, manifesting my creative self, and owning and trusting my intuition. It's true, I've shifted and I am grateful for this added conscious awareness.

Something to make you smile

I was making dinner last Thursday night (3-8-07) to peer over and see Te filling his nose with almonds. It was a pretty classic scene - hopefully he won't make a habit of stuffing things up his nose. Although I do remember as a young child stuffing some crayons up my nose and thinking for awhile that the crayon is what made me have two nostrils - or cavities in a sense. I just don't want to be forced to dislodge anything other then boogers. Which speaking of boogers, Te thinks they're good. Smile.

March 10, 2007

This particular elephant was born in 1961.

Keeping up...

Yay, I found my momma!

Recap

Last week we had a nice visit from Molly who came to town early to spend time with our family. Duana picked her up from the airport and we all hung out at the house. Te was able to hang out with two of his favorite buddies, Devin & Kobe, and it was the beginning of time well spent with good friends and family. As usual Molly and I managed to drink three bottles of wine and talk to the wee hours of the night. It was refreshing to have Molly time - I think something we really haven't had in a long time. When you add husbands, kids, etc. you usually have to wait until the wee hours to share intimate moments with great old friends.

Friday Jeff, Te & I embarked on a weekend getaway to Salt Lake in hopes of visiting with some of Jeff's family in town from San Diego. Of course we didn't leave as early as we would of liked to - which seems to be a normal occurence. We made it town about 515pm and managed to hang out at Auntie Mae's for just over an hour and half since it's hard to co-mingle with a two-year-old whose been pent up in a car all day, and expecting him to be on his best behavior. New environment, new things to check out and of course test boundaries and nerves. We decided after an hour plus of chasing Te around that we would venture over to Troy & Judy's so Te could hang out with the twins, Josh & Max, who are four. The downstairs of their house is in a nutshell - a mini toy story - at least for Te. We didn't hear a peep out of him for over three hours while we broke in the new WII competing against Josh in numerous games of bowling.

Saturday was filled with three photo shoots and a trip to the zoo. Our first photo shoot began around 11am at Memory Grove Park of cousin Alex, also four. Alex came with two friends so playtime was on. Te was very busy trying to keep up with the bigger kids - he climbed up these steps on the side of a hill at least three times, if not more. To say the least he was loving it. He was also loving wherever his momma was which made for some hard shooting. I had to tell Jeff to carry on with the Okawas when they went to have ice cream so that my two additional shoots would go smoother. I shot some pics of Ray & Diane (more cousins) who are due to be married in late August or early September - and then it was the Watanabe clan. After I was done taking photos of the Watanabes Te & Jeff showed up so Te again was in pursuit of the big kids. Together with the Watanabes and the Okawas we were off to the Hogle Zoo.

The Hogle Zoo was fun. We saw elephants, rhinos, giraffes, monkeys, gorillas, etc. Rode a train. Te I think was too exhausted from running around at the Park for two hours that he was content to ride in the wagon. Of course I strapped him and the intention was only temporary, but he didn't fight it so we just pulled him around.

It is amazing how fast Te grows, what he comprehends, what he speaks about, how he shows compassion. He is at an awesome age where one might wish to stop time - yet, you know there are more exciting and enlightening times ahead. I was thinking the other day about snuggling him and how I would only be able to snuggle him for a few more years. However, I pray he continues to let me snuggle him even as he gets to be a young man, etc. He's my baby. Yet - that might be wishful thinking. I know the addiction will run thin one day, I just pray every day that God will guide me and help Jeff and I to be great parents who have the ability to nurture and guide our child as he needs.

Trauma for Te

Today I met Duana at the Gym to check out this new class called Body Vibe to see whether or not she wanted to add the class to her list of possible certifications. Today was Te's first experience in any daycare environment and about 35 minutes into the class - the daycare attendant was beckoning me from the class window to tell me that Te was crying and he wouldn't stop.
Initially I was feeling pretty optimistic that Te would enjoy the gym - it has kids and it has lots and lots of toys that Te doesn't have - and on the car ride over he seemed pretty excited. Te loves kids. So his mantra on the car ride was "gym, gym, gym" with definite glee in his heart. Again adding to my optimism about going to daycare was that Kobe & Devin would be with Te. When we got to the parking lot ironically Kobe & Devin were just showing up so Te was pretty excited to see his friends - he followed them right into daycareland. He was blind.
Like I said, the blinders came off about 35 minutes into class and I had to rescue Te from daycareland. The little bug was crying, standing and staring out the window. I think he was looking for the car - since the first thing he told me was car - meaning, "let's get the hell out of here lady!" I thought it possible to perhaps calm him down and convince him to stay, however, he was very very determined to get the hell out there and not look back. I had to retrieve my things from class and of course took Te with me - I had to go back to daycareland and pay for our one session - and the whaling began again. When we got to the car I had a discussion with him and I think it boiled down to being a little scared, not knowing where mommy was, and hanging out with a bunch of strangers. When we were leaving the parking lot Te proclaimed, "me no like gym."
So our first experience with daycare was obviously not a pleasant one - I am still optimistic - Te needs to socialize with people of his general age group. I think his immune system is getting stronger which encourages me to help socialize the little bug. In time with a few more 1/2 hour sessions I believe the gym will not be so traumatic - I think his behavior is common so not to be detoured from the little dude potentially having a great time.