Vicariously

Today I talked with my friend Allison, who traveled to South Africa with me, and found out she will be doing her Ameri Corp stint at Camphill Village in Capoke, NY. I am kinda, sorta jealous of her because is sounds like a very enriching and exciting experience. She's doing things I wish I had when I was her age - but instead was too scared of something or apprehensive to truly set myself free. Don't get me wrong, I would of flown, but someone would of had to push me a little and those who needed to push me to express myself probably didn't really know my innermost hearts desires. Really my problem was that for ten years after my grandma died it took me forever to heal. When I finally found peace I was settled into a relationship that kept me pretty well content. Now that I would really like to abandon ship and travel the world and our country practicing goodwill - I am limited in scope because now I have a family. One of my obstacles is not so much having a child, but having a husband who gets it but doesn't get it. It's one of those things that's a little hard to explain. He supports me in what I do and I would love to physically share these experiences with him, but he's not a traveler, he's a lot of what I am not and at times it's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just doesn't get it. Some people might call me selfish, others might call me selfless. I know that when I travel and leave Te with Jeff or my family I have faith that everyone will be more then OK, Jeff worries and thinks about things not being OK. How does someone overcome that worrisome pessimism? I am also of the mindset that Te can come along, but Jeff again puts up the armor and says no. I pray by the time Te is eight he'll have the opportunity to travel and share in my hearts desire and his dad will have more faith in the "OK". I know we have a lifetime ahead of us to share together, but I know already at a young age he has so much to give - and the sooner you can share something with them outside of themselves the door swings wider and the global community gets smaller. I learned at a young age from my grandma about giving back, I also learned the trait from my Aunt TT. Te will learn it first in his community - then spread his wings as his community grows as he grows. So even though I can't go to CampHill like Allison, I can go to Camphill and visit Allison and that's what I plan to do, Te in tow.