Aching for Change

I would say the most evident transformation from my experience to Africa has resulted in me not wanting to go back to the way things were. I have been aching for change in my life for probably more then a year, maybe two - but in the last 4 weeks it's like my mind is saying as well as my heart and my soul - change is now. The change I am aching for and embracing mostly falls on the work front. Working for family has it's ups and downs - and more often then not the ups far out weigh the downs. However, I am extremely underpaid for what I do, so with that said, I know my enthusiasm at work suffers which results in me being lackadaisical. If I want a raise then it falls in my lap to go out and solicit business so we can afford to give me a raise. If everyone was passionate about our business and actively trying to make the business grow and succeed perhaps my attitude would be different. But everyone is just doing it - going through the motions - that's it. Working hard for other people with really no reward. Yes, I am rewarded with the relationships I've created with our customers, I can continue to have those relationships without the overhead. The last couple days I have been more sour then usual, and before it starts affecting my relationship with my husband I need a pretty swift attitude change. I get sour with the biz, which I get sour with the in-laws, which I get sour with Jeff. Granted I should refrain from getting sour with Jeff - I just often times feel like I am in a rut and I am desperately trying to crawl out. I need to get rid of my sense of obligation to his family and pursue my passion. All will be fine and probably more grand if I reduce the amount of time I share at work. And if I make the time to get the hell out of town.