29 days and counting

We are 29 days away from departure to South Africa - talk about being nervous and excited. It's time to buckle down and start assembling all the items I need during travel. I have a friend who intends to host a party for me so that I can acquire my necessities that still need purchase - which is an awesome gesture. It frightens me in a sense knowing I will be away from my baby for 16 days - he will be a changed little dude - much like his momma when I return. Every day Te changes, he makes new discoveries, says new things, constantly evolving and absorbing his world around him. The boy is a chatterbox so I am sure I'll get an earful when I come home, I am hoping that when I call home from South Africa that he will be delighted to talk to me on the phone. The other day I was telling SVF Founder, Jeannine Smith, that this whole experience seems too surreal and that it will continue to be surreal even when I come back home. I still can't believe we're going to South Africa. I guess Africa was one continent I never really gave much thought too - until I met Jeannine - and then it was a matter of "who knows, if ever, maybe." Well it's none of those things, it's real, and I leave in 29 days. Thanking God every day for this wonderful opportunity to grow in spirit knowing when I return I will be different - always in a good way - and grateful that God made it happen for me.

Today a toast to my daddy - to teaching me about letting my soul sing and dance in this physical manifestation, that this reality is only temporary and that we are meant to make the most of living. It is a profound experience - an opportunity to grow in spirit - and every day grateful to be alive. Thank you daddy, Happy Birthday.

BW Kitty

I think this a sweet image of BW - our rescue kitty I found in our neighbors' outdoor shed next to our fence when he was just weeks old. He had two brothers and a young momma who had been abandoned a year earlier. I managed to give one of his brothers away (Yoda) and his other brother MJ died when he got into some anti-freeze when we were trying to catch them. We had to employ a cat-trap to capture BW; he is a rather keen cat. Momma kitty was friendly so we were able to catch her with ease - and get her fixed - no more reproducing and our back neighbors took her in and plumped her up. BW has always been half-wild. For a time he use to play with ole Maxey Boy before Stan the Man came along. Once Stan came along as a pup BW quit playing with Max. However, in our new digs and over the course of the past couple months - Stan & BW have become the best of friends. They play together, sleep together, and sun themselves on the deck together. It is very cool to see the bond they share. Before moving to dad's house BW would be on the prowl and you wouldn't see him except maybe once a month - either it comes with age - or it's the new place but nowadays he's always staring in at us through the glass door. He likes attention now - and willingly let's Jeff handle him. He's a beautiful kitty - and the kind I like - needs limited attention and lives outside.

Small Village Foundation 2007 Youth Mission Team

This is most of our team - we're missing two people from Arizona, one at college at UPS, and one from Wyoming. We embark to South Africa May 30, 2007. 35 days and counting. We were all a little giddy with excitement at our last meeting - it is a very exciting time in all our lives.

Time moving swiftly

Saturday was the first day of the 2007 Market Season - more vendors and more patrons - everyone excited for Spring. It was a beautiful sunshiny day with a few bursts of wind that saw some photograph panels, wood furniture, and a canopy taking flight. Every week is a learning experience of how to keep your stuff secure - I've learned you just don't put up your walls and if the wind is blowing you put everything down low. If it's raining you try to move as much of your stuff inside of the canopy drips and be sure you bring your plastic totes to keep all goods dry.

I'll admit - my last two weeks have been a little over the top in preparation of Market. I am busy at TomKat designing and printing art and print paraphernalia for other fellow vendors along with all our other business, staying up late making inventory for Market, scheduling photo shoots, and attending emergency meetings - while at the same time making time for Te and picking up around the house. Yesterday and today it's like my body is saying "we need rest!" I feel more tired then usual - I don't normally work on 5 hours a sleep - I need 9. So tonight I anticipate watching Heroes (yay!) and going to bed early. We will be attending the Nihon Matsuri in Salt Lake City for the 3rd year - so after tonight the rest of the week will again be dedicated to late nights. May proves to be a busy month ahead. Lots of photography shoots and preparing for South Africa.

Mr. Te is amazing as usual. Very busy little dude. We've had some battle of the wills, typical two-year-old behavior challenging his boundaries. I am not one for swatting him on the rear, yet at times that has been the most effective. However, I have been trying a new method that involves consequences - timeouts work sometimes, swats on the bum work sometime....however, telling him that if he continues to do something he's been asked to stop will result in "x" - it always results in a postive response. For example, yesterday we went to a birthday party and one of the rules is no one plays on the top bunk bed. Te wanted to climb the ladder and I told him, "If you climb that ladder we're going home." Te did not climb the ladder.

Yesterday in route to the birthday party Te informed us his best friend is Coho. Our orange male tabby cat. It was pretty sweet. What the kid knows, what he comprehends it is all so amazing. He's smart as a whip and the memory he has is phenomenal. I just Thank God for our gift.

Growing Up

They always say children grow like weeds. It is always overwhelming how quickly Te changes. He is such a beautiful and amazing little dude. Last Friday we picked up his bed and he slept well on Saturday night. Momma on the other hand cried. Sunday he woke up about four times, inquiring, "mom? mom?" - eventually I put him in his bed beside ours about 4am. Two more nights he slept in his bed - then the other night I asked if he was going to be a big boy and sleep in his bed while momma went to sleep in her bed. Te said, me sleep momma bed. I may of not been so lenient except I was tired and I knew one way or the other I was going to have to lay down with him to help him go to sleep. So - he is again sleeping in the bed beside ours. I don't mind - and I know eventually I do have to let him move on into his room across the hall and be persistent about it, yet I am not anxious. I find it quite comforting listening to him sleep - although I have been told I will find great pleasure in redeeming my bed & bedroom back. In due time.
Since Te's bed has come into the house the cats seem to hang around in his bedroom more then before. In fact the first night, both Coho & Spike, slept at the foot of Te's bed. The other day Te went into his bedroom and Jeff called me to tell me that Te found Spike on his bed and told him as Spike got up to leave, "get out, get out, get out of my business." The things they pick up.

Everyday Te amazes me - so desperately trying to keep the memories fresh.

Today as we left Auntie's I asked Te if he wanted to go home or go for a hike. He answered by saying, "the river." So we went for a little walk along the Boise River banks off Parkcenter and across from Warm Springs Golf Course. Te ran down the Greenbelt across the bridge and down the dirt path. We threw rocks in the river, got our feet wet. It was a beautiful day.

Delayed Anticipation

We were suppose to leave for St. George, UT on Friday except Te came down with a cold and there's no way were leaving the vicinity until we know his breathing is in the clear. Last year during Spring Break we ran to the Oregon Coast with the Marleys and exasperated a cold Te had that landed us in the hospital. Granted we are running off to warmer weather - it just makes sense to stick put when your kid needs breathing treatments every few hours. Usually day 3 is the climax of most of his colds and then it's on the downhill slope. We anticipate departure on Monday. However, if we are unable to travel to St. George to drink in Zion National Park or St. George's 28th annual Art Festival - we'll live no different. In fact, if we stick close to home for a week it may potentially be more productive in regards to preparing for Spring, Market, and finding order in our lives after a year. I love to roadtrip and I love to leave the valley - however, sometimes the Universe tells you to just stay put - the lesson you need to learn is right in your backyard. We are fortunate that we see many sunny days - and if I check out the weather channel perhaps the valley has some awesome weather to behold. I am open to whatever falls into our lap.

Something sweet. Yesterday before going to the doc to check out this crap on Te's face - I had Te dressed with his jacket on and everything ready to go. He needed his nose cleaned since he had a bunch of dried boogs from his cold. Normally when I am trying to get Te to focus on what I am saying I take his sweet face in my hand and make him look at me while I address him. He told me he didn't want me to clean his face. He proceeded to place his two little hands on my cheeks and said to me, "momma look at me, look at me momma." I said yes. "Momma no clean face." It was truly one of those sweet and very very endearing moments.

Patience

Today in yoga class as I lay during my last five minutes of meditation my mantra is I am an artist, I am me, It is my gift to share with others, To teach and empower by showcasing my vulnerability. As I think about my gift and what I have to give, Jenny the instructor reads a little ditty about Patience. The first sentence is what caught me. "Patience is the most powerful, yet difficult spiritual lesson." With that said, it directed me to reflect on what I learned from Tonya, my psychic consultant, about how my lesson in this lifetime is "patience." It was actually kind of a spiritual epiphany. Patience is tolerance. That's what I learned today. Now my lesson is to learn patience with myself and others. I need to remember how I treat Te and how I have an abundance of patience with him - and apply in my life to everyone and everything. Since my psychic reading I feel like I am flying - that the gates have swung wide open and I am being flooded with information that really truly sets me free. Freedom comes in the disguise of learning to actually love yourself - the elimination of ego.

And when we talk about ego - today I fell again in yoga class trying to do this insane pose -and it was noted that falling is wonderful cause at least I am pushing beyond my boundaries, extending myself beyond my ego. When I fall, I laugh...I learn and it's beautiful...I just pick myself up and keep on trying.

Giddy Anticipation

We are four days out until we runaway to the Southwest Corner of Utah - off to St. George, UT and Zion National Park. I am really excited for this experience - I have not had this kind of anticipation in a really long time. I feel it will be a truly nurturing experience for me and my family. I fortunately started working out again about a month and a half ago so I should be strong enough to pack Te around for 4 or 5 days as we explore the picturesque park. I have never been so I am anxiously exploring trails. My trail selection is limited however based on the fact that Jeff is not one for heights so we have to chose those within reason. I am sure we will encounter our challenges with Te being two and wanting to be on the ground - hopefully the movement and serene beauty of the landscape will keep him content and we'll definitely find those moments for him to stretch his legs. So - in a week I look forward to posting images of where we've been.

A Master in the Making

Kids in general are amazing. I often wonder where or how Te retains or knows the things he does. Yesterday we went to Opal's 4th birthday party and last night as we laid in bed we talked about the party. Te reminded me that there was a "horse cake." It took me a moment and then I confirmed that yes there was a horse cake - in fact it was a unicorn. As we spoke of the unicorn Te told me they could fly. Of course that made me wonder - how the heck does Te know unicorns can fly? As I discussed it with Jeff later, Jeff told me about how a couple days ago Te put two sticks on the ground - put his feet on them - and then said, ski. It proves they are WAY more in tune with their surroundings then we like to perhaps believe. Anymore if Jeff and I start to have a little arguement - the first response from Te is "stop." Such a keen soul.

However, no matter how brilliant they are - they still need to be directed. After the party yesterday Anna sent us home with a can filled with a little bouncy ball and a wiffle ball. Note to self and other parents alike, no wiffle balls until fingers are too fat or big to fit in the holes. A lesson well learned yesterday as Te managed to get his middle left finger stuck in a wiffle ball. I had to convince him to let me cut it 1/2 way off if he wanted a steamer. I told him he had to let me eliminate so of the ball so he could hold the cup. Te would of been content to keep it on his finger - when I intially tried to take it off he put his hand in his lap and told me, "it good momma, me lap." So the remaining part of the ball had to be removed as Te took a nap. A little one hour ordeal trying to be creative and think of "how the hell am I going to get the damn ball off the kids finger." Anyone who has ever had to contend with a two-year-old and their will knows it's not an easy task - and I still woke Te up in writhing pain as I tried cutting the remainder of the ball off. So remember, note to self, no wiffle balls.

Tonight we spent some time painting with tempura paints - so here's a glimpse of what we painted and more images are posted at changinghat.blogspot.com.

Nice to meet you

So you wonder what kind of memory retention little people have - like what their first memory is - especially someone like me who frankly has forgotten many memories in my life that are played back to me by family and friends. Te was bitten by Stan on October 14, 2006. We don't talk about it alot - he knows Stan bit him. He tells you when you pull back his hair to apply vitamin E. The scars are clearing up nicely which is a relief to me, and probably an even bigger relief to Jeff. It was less than a month ago before the redness on the forehead scar started dissipating that Jeff wanted me to call the plastic surgeon. I have made a point to not make any kind of deal out of it cause I never want Te to have any hang ups. I am pretty certain he will not. That was five months ago.
Today - he kind of threw me off guard when he was done eating his dinner he clasped my hand in both of his little hands, started shaking it, and saying, "nice to meet you, nice to meet you." My dad taught him that little gesture - probably more then a year ago - and probably not much since he passed. It was very cool and at the same time very trippy. It just proves his memory retention goes back at least a year.
I know Te has a pretty sound memory - his retention level is phenomenal - his comprehension too. I love that little dude - he teaches me new things every day. Thank God for our blessings, no need to count them, because this whole experience called life is really all a blessing in disguise.

How Many Times?

I know for many raised in the Christian world that reincarnation does not happen. Yet to me it seems very real and possible - perhaps because of my many inquisitive meetings with clairvoyants and other seers and healers over the course of my lifetime. I think from a young age I've always sensed something beyond this dimension - how do you explain hearing your named constantly called in the wind every night, or while stepping of the back porch?! A simple explanation to some would be, it's all in your head - but is it really?
I believe in God and I also believe in reincarnation. I think when we come to this plane we come to grow in spirit - why would you not continue to return to further the growth of your spirit? I think to be lost and found once again - serving up new lessons in each lifetime, reconnecting you to home, to God - and expanding God's knowledge of himself. We are all a part of God - and as each of us grow in Spirit, thus God grows in Spirit.
Today I will share a little of my last psychic reading that I had today with a woman named Tonya Somers. It was conducted via the phone and she never asked any leading questions other than what my name was and when I was born. I had a list of about ten questions I wanted to address if we had time - one being whether or not my dad, Harry, my grandma, or anyone else for that matter on the other side had anything to share with me. Of course my dad came through loud and clear and wanted Tonya to let me know that yes "I can walk on water." With that said, he started to dance on the water. She described his personality clear as day, said he was somewhat of a jokster and smart ass/allecky kind of energy. I asked how many lifetimes we've shared because I know - I've seen it in my astrological chart - that we've shared many. 17 times was the confirmation and that we have willing gone back and forth between the parent and child role. My dad also said that he was ready - meaning ready to be our next child. Girl, boy he doesn't care - we've both been both sexes before so he's ready to come back and be my child - and I will know it's him because I will recognize his eyes. He also makes him self present to Te which I thought was very cool.
Beyond my daddy coming through to chat both of my grandmothers and my friend Harry came through as well. My lola, according to Tonya, was very funny - she is a very busy soul traveling the globe checking in on all her children and grandchildren. I told Tonya that her children have issues and she said she knows they all have issues and that she use to be a screamer. My Grandma Wilson came through and said she is with me, that whenever I smell flowers or scents that is her presence. Grandma wanted me to know that she loves my child, Te - which I thought was awesome. Harry said he appreciates me, that he wanted to know me (much like I wanted to know him too!), his legs are good he can walk now, is glad to have me in his life, and that he meant to show me good things about men. And we've supposedly shared 3 lives together.
I also asked about my relationship with my friend Julie, which I found out we've shared 42 lifetimes together. We've always, always wondered why her dog Roxy loves me so much - I think it boils down to Roxy knowing me 42 lifetimes as well. Her and Julie have shared every lifetime together. Jeff is a young soul, 25 lifetimes, and this is our first real life together - although I've had had close ties to his family lineage for over two hundred lifetimes. I have been a native american at least 23 times, and each of those manifestations I've been with Te - I am uncertain of our relationship I forgot to ask, but we were in the same tribe.
One important question I had was why I am so apprehensive about the spirit world, ie. seeing it, interacting with it - beyond prayer - and it's because I've been burnt and stoned at the stake when I manifested into the world as a white person. As a native american I was like a shaman of sorts and communicating with spirit was accepted.
So - come to find out - I was curious how many lives I've supposedly lived and the number is...500. I was like holy caca. Then I inquired how many lifetimes Te has lived...this is amazing...13000. 13000. I have also been told that Te had a vanishing twin - and one of Te's spiritual guides told Tonya her name and her name is Sassy. Sassy has spent many lifetimes with Te and chose this lifetime to be one of his guides, Sassy is Te's vanishing twin. I have also been told that my stepdad, Bebot, has been Te's dad in a previous life. In fact, he's been his dad twice - once in Pennsylvania and once in Thailand. I have four spirit guides: Charlotte, James, Buffalo Running, and Shitakoa. I asked a few more questions - and it's all been very enlightening. Now I think Jeff is intrigued.
I am not telling anyone to believe what I believe - that there is a thing such as reincarnation - I'm just saying follow the path that feels right to you and do not be afraid to explore who you are and what your role is in this manifestation. My challenge/lesson(s) for this lifetime include patience, manifesting my creative self, and owning and trusting my intuition. It's true, I've shifted and I am grateful for this added conscious awareness.

Something to make you smile

I was making dinner last Thursday night (3-8-07) to peer over and see Te filling his nose with almonds. It was a pretty classic scene - hopefully he won't make a habit of stuffing things up his nose. Although I do remember as a young child stuffing some crayons up my nose and thinking for awhile that the crayon is what made me have two nostrils - or cavities in a sense. I just don't want to be forced to dislodge anything other then boogers. Which speaking of boogers, Te thinks they're good. Smile.

March 10, 2007

This particular elephant was born in 1961.

Keeping up...

Yay, I found my momma!

Recap

Last week we had a nice visit from Molly who came to town early to spend time with our family. Duana picked her up from the airport and we all hung out at the house. Te was able to hang out with two of his favorite buddies, Devin & Kobe, and it was the beginning of time well spent with good friends and family. As usual Molly and I managed to drink three bottles of wine and talk to the wee hours of the night. It was refreshing to have Molly time - I think something we really haven't had in a long time. When you add husbands, kids, etc. you usually have to wait until the wee hours to share intimate moments with great old friends.

Friday Jeff, Te & I embarked on a weekend getaway to Salt Lake in hopes of visiting with some of Jeff's family in town from San Diego. Of course we didn't leave as early as we would of liked to - which seems to be a normal occurence. We made it town about 515pm and managed to hang out at Auntie Mae's for just over an hour and half since it's hard to co-mingle with a two-year-old whose been pent up in a car all day, and expecting him to be on his best behavior. New environment, new things to check out and of course test boundaries and nerves. We decided after an hour plus of chasing Te around that we would venture over to Troy & Judy's so Te could hang out with the twins, Josh & Max, who are four. The downstairs of their house is in a nutshell - a mini toy story - at least for Te. We didn't hear a peep out of him for over three hours while we broke in the new WII competing against Josh in numerous games of bowling.

Saturday was filled with three photo shoots and a trip to the zoo. Our first photo shoot began around 11am at Memory Grove Park of cousin Alex, also four. Alex came with two friends so playtime was on. Te was very busy trying to keep up with the bigger kids - he climbed up these steps on the side of a hill at least three times, if not more. To say the least he was loving it. He was also loving wherever his momma was which made for some hard shooting. I had to tell Jeff to carry on with the Okawas when they went to have ice cream so that my two additional shoots would go smoother. I shot some pics of Ray & Diane (more cousins) who are due to be married in late August or early September - and then it was the Watanabe clan. After I was done taking photos of the Watanabes Te & Jeff showed up so Te again was in pursuit of the big kids. Together with the Watanabes and the Okawas we were off to the Hogle Zoo.

The Hogle Zoo was fun. We saw elephants, rhinos, giraffes, monkeys, gorillas, etc. Rode a train. Te I think was too exhausted from running around at the Park for two hours that he was content to ride in the wagon. Of course I strapped him and the intention was only temporary, but he didn't fight it so we just pulled him around.

It is amazing how fast Te grows, what he comprehends, what he speaks about, how he shows compassion. He is at an awesome age where one might wish to stop time - yet, you know there are more exciting and enlightening times ahead. I was thinking the other day about snuggling him and how I would only be able to snuggle him for a few more years. However, I pray he continues to let me snuggle him even as he gets to be a young man, etc. He's my baby. Yet - that might be wishful thinking. I know the addiction will run thin one day, I just pray every day that God will guide me and help Jeff and I to be great parents who have the ability to nurture and guide our child as he needs.

Trauma for Te

Today I met Duana at the Gym to check out this new class called Body Vibe to see whether or not she wanted to add the class to her list of possible certifications. Today was Te's first experience in any daycare environment and about 35 minutes into the class - the daycare attendant was beckoning me from the class window to tell me that Te was crying and he wouldn't stop.
Initially I was feeling pretty optimistic that Te would enjoy the gym - it has kids and it has lots and lots of toys that Te doesn't have - and on the car ride over he seemed pretty excited. Te loves kids. So his mantra on the car ride was "gym, gym, gym" with definite glee in his heart. Again adding to my optimism about going to daycare was that Kobe & Devin would be with Te. When we got to the parking lot ironically Kobe & Devin were just showing up so Te was pretty excited to see his friends - he followed them right into daycareland. He was blind.
Like I said, the blinders came off about 35 minutes into class and I had to rescue Te from daycareland. The little bug was crying, standing and staring out the window. I think he was looking for the car - since the first thing he told me was car - meaning, "let's get the hell out of here lady!" I thought it possible to perhaps calm him down and convince him to stay, however, he was very very determined to get the hell out there and not look back. I had to retrieve my things from class and of course took Te with me - I had to go back to daycareland and pay for our one session - and the whaling began again. When we got to the car I had a discussion with him and I think it boiled down to being a little scared, not knowing where mommy was, and hanging out with a bunch of strangers. When we were leaving the parking lot Te proclaimed, "me no like gym."
So our first experience with daycare was obviously not a pleasant one - I am still optimistic - Te needs to socialize with people of his general age group. I think his immune system is getting stronger which encourages me to help socialize the little bug. In time with a few more 1/2 hour sessions I believe the gym will not be so traumatic - I think his behavior is common so not to be detoured from the little dude potentially having a great time.

Speaking of Gratitude

Every day I Thank God and I thank Te for choosing to share his life with us. I think about all the wonderful people Te has in his life and feel very blessed. He is growing so quickly and it's hard to refrain from wanting to stop time. He now speaks in sentences and his comprehension level is flat insane. He climbs like a champ - fearless, virtually fearless. As a parent and a child the teacher and the student goes both way - I am grateful God blessed me with the opportunity to grow spiritually through the experience of being a parent. Although an overwhelming experience if you try to wrap your mind around everything - truly a blessing to grow with one's child. Love makes the world go 'round, believe it, it's true - we are meant to see our reflection in each other knowing we are each connected to one another and we are One in spirit.

Drift Away

Uncle Krackers remix of Drift Away was mine and Jeff's "wedding song." The memory it evokes in my mind is my dad sitting on the picnic table bench with my cousin Rachel with a big-shit-grin and singing and swaying to the music. When I hear the song it lifts me up - it is such a wonderfully vivid image that it is one of the few I cherish. I have a lot of memories of my dad - I miss him dearly - and the other day when I was sick and needing a back rub I was desperately wishing for my daddy's hands. It almost feels surreal. I am present and know that my dad was of this earth plane - yet, it seems like a lifetime ago, which truthfully it is. There is so much to be learned from my dad's life, no matter how often I felt like he needed to be more responsible, as I reflect back I see his lesson to me is truly about living in the moment. Granted he had his bitches and moans - all in all - the guy knew how to get along with virtually everyone and always how to have a great time. Always picking on me - and offering me that sound voice of reason. I miss the middle of the night phone calls. I miss my dad. Read the lyrics and remember his song - it's a good one.

Drift Away by Uncle Kracker

Day after day I'm more confused
But I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know, that's a game, that I hate to loose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

[CHORUS:]
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Won't you take me away
Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time
And I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Won't you take me awayAnd when my mind is free
You know your melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitars come through to soothe me
Thanks for the joy you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony
You helped me along, you're makin' me strong

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away.

My dad was always my savior in a sense - a savior of my sanity, bringing me home and grounding me in the present moment. Aiding me in coming to my own revelations. Ironic how this song is symbolic of Jeff too - although very challenging at times - Jeff is a very grounding force in my life. I guess if I didn't have him or my dad to keep me sane I'd be in the clouds.

Tonight I started listening and sorting through some of my music collection looking for songs that move you - to spin! Spinning - where you ride a stationary bike and sweat your ass off if you commit to getting stronger. Duana is instructing a couple spin classes a week now - so I am scanning my library for some good riding songs for her to peruse. It's actually turning into a wonderful experience. When Jeff and I were married I compiled a CD of music and it was part of our invitation - it is evoking great emotions and helping me to remember how much I do love Te's daddy, how grateful I am to have shared the experience with all our family and friends, how grateful I had the opportunity for my dad to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. That my mom and Bebot took the time to prepare one of the yummiest meals, grateful the Marley's love me enough to share the experience of the River with friends and family. I could go on and on - I guess this evening I am full of gratitude. Life is a blessing.

Perplexed

Life is such a hard thing to explain or wrap your mind around. I am always thinking about evolving and ascending - call me crazy - however, I do believe that it is possible. To be like a bodhisattva. One of my saying to Te on a regular basis is to "always remember where we come from and why you are here." I desperately want to keep the door open for him between the physical and spiritual worlds.
Yesterday I had a conversation with Auntie and was telling her about sustainable living. She said it's not a bad idea at this juncture in time - and then she seemed a little distressed. I kind of said huh, and she told me about reading this book called Jerusaleum, and how the end times are near. For many people the signs are probably apparent - I don't really know what the signs are since I don't read scripture and I seldom watch or see the news. All I know is when people talk about "end times" it can be a little scary and distressing. So this "end time" conversation was on my mind last night when I got home. Te must of picked up on how it made me a little uncomfortable because all night long he kept patting me on my chest and saying, "It's alright momma, it's alright."
I know it is alright and I also believe that the end of the world is not what many perceive. I believe the end of the world is the end of the old world and the old order, and we are entering into a new era of consciousness where life is driven by love and not fear. I believe many souls are coming to this earth to teach us that "Yes, we are in fact One. And aiding us in making a conscious shift towards Christ-like love." Our world is what we make it - and every day it ends for some and becomes something brilliant and new for others.
My persistence with trying to keep Te open to the spiritual realm may be working - especially after last nights "love-pats" and when we went to bed and he started talking about tiny ghosts. Although it makes me uncomfortable I really am OK with seeing spirits - especially if Te is talking to them and teaching us about a new way of seeing and believing.

Mean momma!

Thank God Te hasn't outrightly declared me a mean momma today - my level of tolerance is extremely low. For the past three plus days I've been sick and even today I still have remnants of feeling like shit. Period. This morning I had to have myself a two-year-old tantrum in bed when Te insisted on me getting up. I wish there was one morning when mommy could sleep in and Te would just get up with daddy. After my two-year-old tantrum to start the day I've been a bit pissy to my kid. I hope he doesn't hold grudges. Thus far, he doesn't appear so. I've had to growl at him a couple times and that gets his goat and makes him cry, and then tell me "me hold mommy." These little people amaze me the amount of love they have even when you get grumpy.

Shots in the Arms

So the adventure began today as I sought a couple shots in the arms in anticipation of my travel to South Africa. After a half hour wait and another half hour dicussion of recommended vaccinations Nurse Patty finally filled me full of DTap, Hep A & B, and adult MMR booster. I will go back to Central District Health in a month and get my second shot of Hep A & B, typhoid pills, and a polio booster. I was originally not going to get typhoid; however, she said if I was an adventurous eater I might consider it. I am an adventurous eater so I have decided to opt in on the typhoid. I am not one for putting unnecessary substances into my body - yet at the same time - there is no need for me not too when I would much prefer not getting ill or unknowingly passing on something like Hep-A. Nurse Patty had some great suggestions for international travel and sent me home with a folder full of reading material. I had the pleasure of waiting in the lobby for an additional fifteen minutes to make sure I did not have any adverse reactions to the vaccinations. While passing time in the waiting room I was able to read an enlightening news article about AIDS in Newsweek that portayed the 25 years since it's discovery and a timeline of important points in AIDS history. Rather ironic I picked up a Newsweek article about AIDS when I will be traveling to a part of the globe where it has created a whole generation of orphaned children.