Fibroid Journey Day 6

I will try to post daily from here forward to reduce the rambling. I need to think about a name other than Fibroid Journey - something witty and fun. Something along the lines of reclaiming back my uterus...

Today, Day 6, has been a relatively good day. Heavy on the print work schedule but I did manage to get my Roobios Tea down this morning along with some water. Blended up a smoothie before walking out the door to spend a few hours running the copier. Brought along my tasty snacks compliments of Raw Cuisine Delights (Chili Nuts & Pecan Wheels). Sustained me till dinner which was at 630p. Made spaghetti with meat sauce for the boys along with a spinach salad that included obviously spinach, feta cheese, strawberries, walnuts, and blueberries. I blended up a 16 oz smoothie to accompany my fresh picked tomato salad. Tonight's smoothie was stirred up with coconut milk & water along with some swiss chard to veer from the norm. My smoothie tonight definitely tasted more green than the others in the past - it was tolerable. That doesn't sound good, but it was, I've just mixed better in the past. Working a few more hours in the evening and more raw reading to conclude the night. Still need to mix up my Essiac Tea. Cross our fingers that happens tonight once I return home after a few more hours of printing.

Fibroid Journey Day 4 & 5

Saturday, Day 4, was Market day. I managed to pack myself in the wee dawn hour a raw walnut snack and some fruit to get me through my day. No more breakfast sandwiches from Fletchers Curbside Eatery ~ no more coffee either. When you're at a Market and there is an abundance of fresh produce raw food choices are not hard. It's a matter of what you want to pair together or not. I usually have my leatherman but seldom pack a kitchen knife. So tossing up a salad or breaking open a melon could be cumbersome. I opted for something simple. I got a nice sample serving of guacamole from The Flaming Avocado (best stinking guacamole ever) and sought out a nice medium size zucchini. Dean, the Market chef, was kind enough to slice it up and voila...I was a happy dipping queen.

Fast forward to the afternoon. I was tired. Been on my feet all day. Think I was feeling the after effects of hiking, rebounding & gastrointestinal junk that was still working itself out. My tailbone & hip flexors were screaming at me throughout the day. I laid down for an hour and rested. Got up took another shower for the day and proceeded to blend up a smoothie for the day. The family was headed to the Western Idaho Fair ~ and we know that Fair food is not raw-friendly food. I split my smoothie into (2) 16 oz servings and drank one on the way. Lots of walking around, lots of petting and talking to the animals, lots of fun and laughter as the kids explored all the rides they were qualified to ride. I ate an unbuttered piece of corn while everyone else feasted on gyros and butter delicious corn. Home about 11p and the rest of the smoothie down the trap. I failed earlier to get all my greens in for the day, I was hungry, so I opted to eat before bed. I fell asleep much sooner than I had anticipated. So - no tea for the night. I did try to drink the Gotu Kola/Holy Basil tea down (vericose veins, hemmerhoid, circulation) but Toni was right - it does not taste good. Next time I guess I'll plug my nose.

Sunday, Day 5, another Market day. This time East End Market at Bown Crossing. It's Sunday, I get to sleep in! With the ability to sleep in I had time this morning to prepare a smoothie before heading out for the day. I've been sticking to my base smoothie from Day 1 mostly to keep it simple and also because my fridge is packed with an abundance of other crap and I don't have much room. Early morning water drank, smoothie in hand and out the door I go. Good day in regards to feeling like the bloat is going away. About 9 pounds down from the last time I weighed with baby still in belly. Bought myself some triple olive spread from Urban Rustic Gourmet and sliced up some more zucchini as an accompaniment. Bought some kale and swiss chard. Lucky enough to receive in kind some gladiolas for the week, sweet corn and cucumbers. Again no coffee so I drank lots of lemon water compliments of Turk and Heather the Crepe car peeps. Home about 240p. Watched the end of a crazed wacked out movie with Nodzu. Took the dogs to the river to swim. Home around 530p and boogied our little booties to Periple Wines in Garden City where Boise Urban Market was being hosted. Great looking food. According to Jeff - great eats! He came stuffed...

I on the other hand was lucky to come upon Raw Cuisine Delights and indulged in a sort of cabbage salad with corn, cilantro & fresh lime squeeze with an apricot, date dessert that was made with a walnut crust. I bought myself some snacks to take home and try: Greens to Go (which most would probably not like...it's VERY green tasting ~ trust me); Fire Fritters(?) spicy, sticky, gooey bar kind of concoction; Chili Nuts that included walnuts and almonds dehydrated with some chili spices, garlic powder, and Braggs amino acid; and then a little cookie treat,Pecan Wheels (?) that were kind of macaroon like. The little cookie delights were made with squash, coconut, agave nectar, vanilla. A super yummy and healthy cookie I'd be glad to pack in Te's lunch pack. A little Roobios tea downed for the night & more raw reading to conclude the night.

Fibroid Journey Day 2 & 3

My week went to shit quickly. Just a lot of work and not a lot of time to nurture myself. Your day takes on a different appearance when you have to mindfully care for yourself. I was able to get down to smoothies yesterday - 1 fruit smoothie compliments of Tree City since it was 4pm and I was still running pick ups and deliveries (a slight detour from my regimen since it had frozen yogurt). Minus 2 bites of sauerkraut & a pear it was all I had in my belly. Finally whipped up a veggie smoothie on my way to work at 9pm for another 3 hours with a handful of grapes. Managed to get my Rooibios tea down. Still need to mix up my Essiac to drink with my Red Clover before bed. Won't have time to make the Essiac tea until Saturday night since it's a process. I'll have to can it. Only a slight headache.

Day 3, today has been more manageable. Still crazy busy in the afternoon but was able to go for a morning hike & get my bimonthly massage. I had a massage last week too since I got all junked up. Junked up again this week in the shoulders - I told Shawna it all came about Wed when my week went to shit. In a couple weeks we'll work on my abdomen, etc. since everything should be purged & the hCG out of my body.

Drank one smoothie today that consisted of: 1 c plain goat kefir, 1 c OJ, 6 kale leaves, 1 c spinach, handful of parsley, 1 c strawberries, 1/2 c raspberries, 1/2 c blueberries, tsp of kelp and a tsp of brewers yeast. (not too shabby)

My late afternoon snack & again part of dinner included: 2 c of cherry tomatoes, basil, 1/8c of raw walnuts, sea salt, pepper, 1/2 tsp of kelp, 1/2 tsp of brewers yeast and a light drizzle of Extravanganzo Garlic infused Olive Oil.

Dinner included: tomato salad,a strawberry, blueberry & broccoli salad, and more sauerkraut. For some reason stinking sauerkraut is the bomb ditty bomb.

Managed to make it to the Co-op to pick up some Sun Warrior protein powder. All day I've had a stinkin' backache. We'll see if it resolves itself here soon when my bowels get back in order. I've been having movements daily but I seriously need to unload and my body just isn't there yet. Otherwise I feel pretty good. I was terribly tired on Thursday and a little tired today - which might be resolved once I get a full 8 hours without interruption...

I'll add photos once my computer cooperates.

I am addicted to cofffee...shit!

So I had to admit at the end of Day 1 that I am indeed addicted to coffee. I can randomly break the habit at times ~ and everyone suggests not doing it cold turkey ~ but really why should I prolong the process? I had to take a nap in the late afternoon so I didn't have to medicate myself. It helped. I still have a slight headache today but nothing I can't manage. I just keep reminding myself of the bigger picture and the decision is not hard. I do however love my coffee ladies. So yes - I'll be that freak lady asking for a cup of hot water for my tea just so I can visit with my girls. (They've become quite good friends over the past 2-3 years.)

I fortunately already have a K-Tec high tech blender that I use on occasion. In fact I used it a lot when I first learned about my fibroids ~ it will mill grains, make soup, etc. All that fancy shit.

Day 1 Food included:

Breakfast Smoothie: 1 cup hemp milk, 1/2 c orange juice, 1/2 c water, 6 kale leaves, 1 cup spinach, 1 cup blackberries, 1 cup strawberries, 1/2 an avocado, handful of parsley.

Large Fuji apple & handful of raw unroasted walnuts

1/4 cup of fresh sauerkraut

Dinner Smoothie: 1 cup hemp milk, 1/2 c orange juice, 1/2 c water,6 kale leaves, 1 c spinach, 1 cup blackberries, 1 cup strawberries, 2 tbsp coconut oil, teaspoon of brewers yeast.

1/4 cup of fresh suaerkraut
Liquid: red clover tea; roobios tea, lemon water

I would like to get to the point where I can drink a warmer smoothie. Don't get me wrong - I don't want it hot - but closer to body temp so my spleen is allowed to work less. I believe my body is too damp & wet. I need a little more fire. So if I remember today I'll throw in some cayenne to spice me up!

YO! Momma. Wake up!

This is the beginning of a new path I am pushed to pursue after numerous years of neglect. I have this trait (like many others) where I can ignore myself and not so much everybody else. This past year I've experienced many growing pains ~ especially in the last 4-5 months - that have made me ponder what really is important in my life. First beginning with the fact that Jeff & I had a "coming to Jesus meeting" back in late March. Our marriage was failing because we were both neglecting our relationship and each other. We lost sight of each other. Plain and simple.

Skip forward to June. (I missed my period in May and attributed it to stress. Yes I took a pregnancy test that came back negative. Having a baby at this juncture in time was not particularly welcomed since Jeff & I both needed to actively pursue each other with no additional distractions then what was already present.) The undying question for a few weeks was "got your period yet?" "No. If it doesn't come in June I'll go see the doctor." If I didn't get my period it was either I was pregnant or my fibroids were causing problems. On our way home from camping at Hells Canyon we started discussing being "one and done." We had Te we were happy. No need to go down the endless sleepless nights and dirty diapers regimen again. We were good. Te is 6. Te is pretty independent.

As always the Universe had something else in mind. A couple days later I pee-ed on a stick. We were pregnant.

I started spotting around mid July. Not a big deal really. I mostly spotted in the morning when I first woke up but throughout the day I rarely did. Had an ultrasound the first week of August and we attributed it to a fibroid that was resting on my cervix.

Monday, August 8, as the day was breaking I was experiencing a complete miscarriage in an outhouse at the Riviera (Marley property on the river near Sandpoint - my usual August haunt). Right at 14 weeks. I didn't realize I was in labor until the whole process was done and over. Lasted about an hour before I caught the baby. (The experience was way more intense and crazy then I need to write here). It looked just like they say - a baby. All 10 fingers and toes, ear buds forming, eyes rotated around, bright white fingernails. It was really quite amazing - and mortifying at the same time.

Saturday, August 13, I thought I was prolapsing. Completely freaking out in my head - didn't engage Jeff on my freaky ride. This experience was worse than delivering the baby. My mind was playing horrible, horrible tricks on me!

Monday, August 15, after seeing the doctor I finally had had enough and had a slight breakdown. I know I have fibroids. I know they grow in pregnancy. It's been 7 years since I really gave a shit about them. I discovered that my largest one is the size of a baseball and it's resting on my rectum. I discovered I had an ovarian cyst (probably a result of the pregnancy) the size of a plum resting on the fibroid on the rectum. My next biggest fibroid rests against my bladder. No wonder I thought I was prolapsing. All the shit is putting pressure on my vaginal canal. Good news - I'm not prolapsing!

So the "me journey" begins. I was told if I wanted to have any more babies I would have to have a myemectomy. Before I got pregnant I didn't think so much about a second child. Once we got pregnant - you get excited - and now I think I would like a second child. However, it will be a result of whatever God & the Universe thinks is true. If I can bring my body back to homeostasis through diet, yoga and just mindfulness - and am able to shrink and or eliminate the fibroids - we will try for a second child. I desperately do not want to be cut open. If I have to have a myemectomy to try for baby number two, baby number two will be a true blessing.

Now I recognize all the innuedos of my body that are a result of the fibroids. I want to eliminate them so I don't get constipated, so I don't have to pee ALL THE TIME, so I don't have back pain, so I don't have bloat, etc. etc. Most if not all of my discomfort that I've adapted to are a result of the fibroids. So today - although my story was not too brief - is when I start the mindful dietary changes and physical recognition of me coming back into balance.

SHS 1990 Class Reunion, August 14, 2010

The Phoenix is Rising

It’s been such a long time since I listened to my own subtlety’s. My song, my rhythm, my breath. I have been lost for so long ~ completely and voluntarily giving up my own self-knowledge for just a mundane dance. Too afraid to know myself, too afraid to love myself. To completely release my fear of vulnerability to be free. Freedom. They say freedom is in the mind ~ its a state of being. I see this...I see this now and not through a creative mind...but a creative mind.

I am digging deeper to know who I am. To love who I am. To be who I am. I want to know my core. I cannot explain this random babble other then the fact that I truly feel blessed to be alive. To see actual beauty within myself. To see me and to love, love, love to BE. Playing has a way of allowing us to BE free.

The Journey has begun. August 1, 2009. The rear-view mirror has been very auspicious!

A bit detached

The past few weeks I've been feeling a little detached from my life. Not something intentional ~ but something worth noting. I've been so overwhelmed with working, crappy drama that I normally avert from, trying to get paid on receivables and so forth that life has been a bit too much.

My older sister Michelle and her boyfriend Joe came for a visit these past few days. I was able to visit a little not a lot due to my current print workload. However, yesterday I finally listened to all my own talk about "living in the now" and decided to set my work aside in the afternoon and get a short respite. We went to Skinny Dipper hot springs and met the man, Ken, who actually developed it. It was quite an interesting afternoon involving a bit of good cardio, bathing in the springs and drinking in the beauty of the day with good conversation. I even drank a "Mil's Best!" (Union made at that) to top it off.

Then today - back to the grind and back to feeling like a grumpy bitch. I know the end of the tunnel is close - hopefully two more weeks and I will have some of my personal liberty back and I can start hiking regularly, getting the garden ready for the season, clean my house and start some spring sprucing.

I think it was Osho who said it's harder or more difficult to live in misery then ecstasy. You have to work at being miserable. So here's to working towards ecstasy. I can do the grind and think of all the exciting things that are close on the horizon.

Blessed

I really haven't written in ages. Frankly I've been too busy to sit down and ramble. I don't plan to ramble tonight - just want to note how grateful I am that I am so blessed. Although I am at moments experiencing some seriously stressful times because I really don't know how I might survive financially or how I am going to provide for my family - I just pray and keep the faith. Tonight I sat down and started cutting out images and words for my vision board. Over the course of the past couple days I must really be tapped into to the universal energy because I've subconsciously made some choices that were exactly right on - so the time is now - to start manifesting. Why wait or have expectations for another day when if you really believe just let life unfold.

Te's thoughts

Tonight when I got home with groceries and Te was putting the veggies away in the fridge. He didn't miss a beat when I asked him if it would be OK for dad to drop him off at school tomorrow and I would pick him up. Te's response, "I think that sounds wonderful, uhhhh...but sorry...no." So there you have it. The kid is really quite frank - I love it.

I also learned that Te's food preference is "Paul & Mary Jean's" - our friends who own Cucina di Paolo. I called earlier on my way home and asked if I could bring him something home to eat, "Something from Paul & Mary Jean's."

*This is a self-portrait 12/3/2008

Window Shopping

Photo Credit: David R. Day, American Photo Source

Dirty Laundry

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the
wash outside.

"That laundry is not very clean", she said.
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap"

Her husband looked on, but remained silent.

Everytime her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
the young woman would make the same comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see
a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I won der wh o taught her this?"

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and
cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life. What we see when watching others,
depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

This was sent to me by a friend.

CMT

Country Music Channel I think is what it stands for...

Sometimes I watch it for kicks - Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders "Training Camp" and Redneck Weddings. Redneck Weddings - oh it's awful, humorous for sure, but kind of awful when a brother marries a sister - who cares if she's adopted!

Anyways - they have a show called "Crossroads" where musical artists play together and collaborate on singing each others songs. Last night I watched it because my niece Chelsea had watched it earlier in the evening and it was a repeat. Crossroads last night featured Taylor Swift & Def Leppard. It was awesome. I became a new fan of Taylor Swift and went out and bought an album today. When she was singing I was thinking about my young friend Taylor Marley and envisioning her on stage performing - it is easy to do if you know my friend. I talked to Mikey today and she said a while ago that Mackey curled her hair put on a hat and looked just like Taylor Swift, sort of ironic.

Taylor Swift
 
More CMT Music
 
More CMT Music Videos

Taylor Swift
 
More CMT Music
 
More CMT Music Videos

It's kind of strange - since yesterday I feel really engaged in my life. I always say "Live like you mean it" and do not get me wrong - I do live my life - but really since yesterday I didn't realize that "auto pilot" has been on for awhile. Just in the last 36 hours I actually feel alive. Can't explain it. Anyways - it's been awesome "waking up."

Peace out.

Art for Art

Yet another one of my many manifestations. If you're in Boise please come check it out!

44th President

As I write this post Barack Obama has been declared the 44th President. He currently has 338 electoral votes to McCain's 129. He has 51% of the popular vote. I pray that God will guide him wisely, justly, and lovingly. May God protect Obama and his family and keep him from harms way. During this time may God protect and love us all kindly as we transition into a new era in the United States of America. No matter what people have been saying or thinking on both sides of the line - nothing could be worse then what we've endured for the past few years. If the Republican party had confidence in McCain's VP selection this would be an entirely different election.

May this be the stepping stone where the boundaries of creed and color truly begin to disintegrate - that tolerance and acceptance become real not talked about - where we look into a strangers eyes and see ourselves. May this be the beginning of true Christ-like consciousness where we truly love without judgement.

Peace!

Luminosity and Knowing

With persistent practice, consciousness may eventually be perceived or felt as an entity of mere luminosity and knowing, to which anything is capable of appearing and which, when appropriate conditions arise, can be generated in the image of whatsoever object. As long as the mind does not encounter the external circumstance of conceptuality, it will abide empty without anything appearing in it, like clear water. Its very entity is that of mere experience. Let the mind flow of its own accord without conceptual overlay. Let the mind rest in its natural state, and observe it. In the beginning, when you are not used to this practice, it is quite difficult, but in time the mind appears like clear water.


--The Dalai Lama, in The Dalai Lama: A Policy of Kindness, edited by Sidney Piburn
from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book

Grace

So I have been learning about grace - or shall I say - an interpretation of grace. I don't understand how people do not know, cannot feel, participate or be partly gracious. I think it is an innate part of our spirit - some tap into the wonderful powers of grace, while others do not believe it exists.

The beauty of human consciousness, free will, this experience of growing spiritually called life is an ever-lasting evolution of beingness that has no boundaries, definition, or limits.

I love the synchronicity of life - I love how God provides. Just as I am finally grounded and caught in the printing front I am bombarded with more work to keep me busy, to keep me floating - to provide me with the opportunity to live in grace. Showered by the plethora of wonder and opportunity that always fills my days.

Last night I was reading and I felt like I was a little out of body - in a good way. Pondering, questioning this physical body that my spirits resides in. It really is so surreal when you try to think about what we represent and try desperately to define it. There are no definitions, there are no boundaries - so does that mean we should look at ourselves as limitless, because we are, we are limitless.

Spread your wings and fly - we are meant to soar. Let the sun fill your soul and may you shine like a beacon in the night - bless this life.

Digesting

I wish I had time to sit down, reflect, and digest. My life has been quite overwhelming for the past few months and I feel like I have lost a little of who I am. It may not be an entirely bad thing - since now that I am starting to breath a little deeper I have time to reflect on how I am going to maintain balance.

Being an entrepreneur is great - no qualms there - but I seriously needed a vacation or a slight hiatus before taking on this venture. I needed some serious time to regroup, although now, I am a lot more liberated. I know business is business. I also have the philosophy of if my customer can't wait - then maybe I am not the one to deliver the cake. I do not want to have my life led where I am constantly struggling to maintain my sanity and losing valuable time with myself and with my family.

I am just going to keep keeping on - I like what I do - I am very liberated and that in and of itself is the greatest reward I can give myself in regards to a job or a career. I need to allow people to help me; something I have a really hard time doing. I need to depend on my community of good friends and associates to see things through. Trust myself that I have surrounded myself with quality people.

Cheers.

Holy Cow

The other day Te and I were driving and he made a comment to me about something and my response was "Holy Cow!" Te then inquired, "what does holy cow mean mom?" I said, "holy cow means wow!" Te then says, "Why don't you just say wow mom?" So I went on and said "wow!" A few minutes later after Te has sucked down his strawberry soy milk from Moxie Java he says, "That was frickin' ass good mom!" My ears were like "what?" I said to Te, "What does frickin' ass good mean?" Te says, "It means delicious." My response is then, "Why can't you just say delicious?" Frickin' ass has become his words of choice the past couple days. I am trying really hard not to harp on the words being inappropriate because I don't want him to thinks it's funny and off limits and just continue to say it in spite. It's just like when he use to say "God" and I just kept correcting him with the right words and it turned into "goodness." So frickin' ass good is on the words to transform - especially before it harms the ears of his fellow classmates, teacher, aunties, papas, etc.

Along with that earlier in the week Te informed me that he has camouflage eyes. Do you know what camouflage eyes are? Camouflage eyes are eyes that can see and find anything. He then was watching a Mickey Mouse episode where they were trying to spot some sheep and Te told me, "Mom, Mickey doesn't have camouflage eyes like me."

Gotta love how they grow. More to come now that life is sort of settling down.

Happy Images