Click on my profile to view additional photos on my photo blog. Peace.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Surreal Experience
I am a spiritual being having a human experience. I think there are many truths and one must follow what speaks to their heart. Religion is a controversial subject and is one I chose not to identify with - I think religion in and of itself creates barriers among mankind resulting in individuals living literally instead of between the lines.
I think it is a constant soul urge/craving to want to know ones higher purpose. Prior to descending to this place we call earth I believe we know each other - like I believe Te knows his ancestors. A philosophy both my dad and my aunt have both questioned, yet never judged. I think there are certain souls we've agreed to share this experience with and many of these souls of expression include our families and friends. There are also those individuals you just run into that you've agreed to meet at some place in time where you give each other a wake-up call, a redirect, a challenge, a connection. Thursday, January 25, 2007 was one of those experiences where I met souls I made a previous agreement with and we found each other in Vegas at the Kahuanaville in Treasure Island.
For the past couple months I would say I have been desperately trying to be open to Spirit - it's probably a practice I've been subconsciously actively pursuing since my dad past. I desperately want to be OK with the things I know intuitively and not be afraid to say what I hear when it happens instantaneously. So intention is one of those practices I've been pursuing.
What happened in Vegas last Thursday night includes a couple of happenings. One where you outwardly express a thought - and bam - it happens, then it just oddly happens again where later you go "wow, that's pretty cool and crazy" rolled into one.
My friend Paula and I descended on Vegas at 340pm Thursday afternoon. We checked into our condo and kind of kicked our feet around for a couple hours before we got motivated. We hitched a ride on the shuttle to the Monte Carlo and a taxi ride to Harrahs. We headed to Harrahs on a lead that there was a free disco. Harrahs is pretty much across the street from Treasure Island. I'd never really seen the Treasure Island show and Paula made a point that I did. As we stood on the boardwalk in anticipation of the show we looked across the water at the Tangerine and thought it looked to be a cool place to check out. Keep that thought.
After the show we walked through the doors of Treasure Island to complimentary drink coupons at Kahuanaville and passes to Tangerine. Ironically there is no dress code at the Tangerine on Tuesdays and Thursdays so our jaunt to the Tangerine appeared to be doable. Paula and I proceeded to Kahuanaville and enjoyed complimentary drinks, entertaining bartenders, and good eats. This is also where we met our cohorts for the night and where the soul connection took place.
Rich was in town on business, just closed a business deal that day and was leaving on Friday. There are those people who are trying to pick up chics and then there are those just in pursuit of conversation with the opposite sex with zero alterior motives - this was one of those instances. Rich was the facilitator of the evening. We made his acquaintance along with about two other people, Vinnie and John, and told them we would meet them at the Tangerine. We met them along with about five other people (men & women) at the Tangerine on the VIP balcony overlooking the water where the show previously took place. It is not normal to have spiritual conversations with people the first time you meet; however, about five of the people we met and hung out with for the night had a definite soul connection. I knew them from somewhere beyond the boundaries of this material world - and it is an experience that cannot be expressed in words, it is just something that needs acknowledgement. Paula and I partied like rockstars and definitely felt our drunken retribution on Friday. Another mindful experience happened on Saturday when we sat down for a the only moment at the slots and Paula commented to me, " I am going to sit down over there by that lady, I have a feeling." Less then five minutes later she was back with a $308 redemption ticket in hand.
Whoever thinks you cannot have a spiritual experience in "Sin City" is wrong. It can and it does happen - I know cause it did and I am grateful.
I think it is a constant soul urge/craving to want to know ones higher purpose. Prior to descending to this place we call earth I believe we know each other - like I believe Te knows his ancestors. A philosophy both my dad and my aunt have both questioned, yet never judged. I think there are certain souls we've agreed to share this experience with and many of these souls of expression include our families and friends. There are also those individuals you just run into that you've agreed to meet at some place in time where you give each other a wake-up call, a redirect, a challenge, a connection. Thursday, January 25, 2007 was one of those experiences where I met souls I made a previous agreement with and we found each other in Vegas at the Kahuanaville in Treasure Island.
For the past couple months I would say I have been desperately trying to be open to Spirit - it's probably a practice I've been subconsciously actively pursuing since my dad past. I desperately want to be OK with the things I know intuitively and not be afraid to say what I hear when it happens instantaneously. So intention is one of those practices I've been pursuing.
What happened in Vegas last Thursday night includes a couple of happenings. One where you outwardly express a thought - and bam - it happens, then it just oddly happens again where later you go "wow, that's pretty cool and crazy" rolled into one.
My friend Paula and I descended on Vegas at 340pm Thursday afternoon. We checked into our condo and kind of kicked our feet around for a couple hours before we got motivated. We hitched a ride on the shuttle to the Monte Carlo and a taxi ride to Harrahs. We headed to Harrahs on a lead that there was a free disco. Harrahs is pretty much across the street from Treasure Island. I'd never really seen the Treasure Island show and Paula made a point that I did. As we stood on the boardwalk in anticipation of the show we looked across the water at the Tangerine and thought it looked to be a cool place to check out. Keep that thought.
After the show we walked through the doors of Treasure Island to complimentary drink coupons at Kahuanaville and passes to Tangerine. Ironically there is no dress code at the Tangerine on Tuesdays and Thursdays so our jaunt to the Tangerine appeared to be doable. Paula and I proceeded to Kahuanaville and enjoyed complimentary drinks, entertaining bartenders, and good eats. This is also where we met our cohorts for the night and where the soul connection took place.
Rich was in town on business, just closed a business deal that day and was leaving on Friday. There are those people who are trying to pick up chics and then there are those just in pursuit of conversation with the opposite sex with zero alterior motives - this was one of those instances. Rich was the facilitator of the evening. We made his acquaintance along with about two other people, Vinnie and John, and told them we would meet them at the Tangerine. We met them along with about five other people (men & women) at the Tangerine on the VIP balcony overlooking the water where the show previously took place. It is not normal to have spiritual conversations with people the first time you meet; however, about five of the people we met and hung out with for the night had a definite soul connection. I knew them from somewhere beyond the boundaries of this material world - and it is an experience that cannot be expressed in words, it is just something that needs acknowledgement. Paula and I partied like rockstars and definitely felt our drunken retribution on Friday. Another mindful experience happened on Saturday when we sat down for a the only moment at the slots and Paula commented to me, " I am going to sit down over there by that lady, I have a feeling." Less then five minutes later she was back with a $308 redemption ticket in hand.
Whoever thinks you cannot have a spiritual experience in "Sin City" is wrong. It can and it does happen - I know cause it did and I am grateful.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Te is 2!
WOWZA! How time flies and the sweet babe grows older. Te still fascinates me, I think every parent elated with their child will tell you they are fascinating - whether they are two or twenty-two. I hope that my elation with my son today only grows stronger as he ages and that as a parent I will have the ability to continue to have patience, understanding, forgiveness, and a pure heart to not place limitations or judgements on my love for my child. I know from my own experiences as a child what that means - and unfortunately there are children and adults who have experienced conditional love. The love I received as a child and continue to receive as an adult is unconditional - however, I know how children's actions can sometimes warrant unpleasant reactions. So for me it is important to always walk with an empathetic heart, listen, and be grateful for being blessed with a child. On Sunday we celebrated Te's birthday a day early and his two friends Kobe & Devin Morales came to party, along with Duana, grandpa Tom, Uncle Jon, cousin Robert, Auntie Gramm & Pop-Pop Steve. We celebrated with dessert before dinner, and a lovely rendition of Happy Birthday. I think Te must of been embarrassed since once we all started singing he began to hit himself in the face and bury his face into the table. He was on the verge of crying so I think he was not particularly fond of our singing. Te received a special gift from Tom, Jon & Jeff - Jon & Jeff's 35+ year old Wonder Horse with new springs and new wood. I k new the instant it was brought into the house it would warrant crying words of "mine, mine" and the inability to share - which it did. However, Kobe & Devin did manage a little riding time. All in all it was a nice and quiet low-key celebration. As he ages I am sure they will become more rambunctious and interesting. For now - thanking God for Te, family, friends and shared memories.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
WOW
I just watched a video called the Invisible Children (rough cut). In the spring of 2003, three young American men traveled to Africa in search of a story that could change the world. It is both a disgusting an inspiring story that made my heart go "Mannnnnn." It is a film that exposes the 20 year-long war on the children of Northern Uganda. And how they mostly live in fear of being abducted by rebel forces and forced to fight as part of the violent army. Jeannine Smith, the Founder of Small Village Foundation, and the mission organizer for my mission to South Africa gave it to me to view as an example for the kind of feel we would like to perhaps portray during the mission. Obviously we probably will not encounter violence - but something deeply moving - that inspires individuals to be involved. We need to see that Africa along with many other mishaps of the world as world problems - humanities problems, that together we can help one another - that we are not separate from our brothers and sisters who live here on Mother Earth. It is very easy for people to make excuses or to be detached when it is out of sight out of mind. I know a handful of people who think that the power of one is nothing - when in fact - a ripple eventually becomes a tidal wave.
I was just outside in the studio talking to Jeff about the movie. I was crying while I was talking - it really rocks your core. I feel like the Universe is putting things into motion for me, unfolding my destiny. I have always wanted to start a non-profit where I could bring necessities to needy communities in the Philippines (my momma's home country) - yet now I think that God is directing me to South Africa. In hindsight it is enlightening when you start to see how things were put in motion - long before you are aware of the direction. The journey has already begun - I will now for the next four to five months immerse myself into African history - watch movies, read books, get creative in gaining sponsorship for my trip as well as funding a play pump for a village. Life is an amazing thing - and when one gets involved on the heart level it's powerful.
Be not afraid.
I was just outside in the studio talking to Jeff about the movie. I was crying while I was talking - it really rocks your core. I feel like the Universe is putting things into motion for me, unfolding my destiny. I have always wanted to start a non-profit where I could bring necessities to needy communities in the Philippines (my momma's home country) - yet now I think that God is directing me to South Africa. In hindsight it is enlightening when you start to see how things were put in motion - long before you are aware of the direction. The journey has already begun - I will now for the next four to five months immerse myself into African history - watch movies, read books, get creative in gaining sponsorship for my trip as well as funding a play pump for a village. Life is an amazing thing - and when one gets involved on the heart level it's powerful.
Be not afraid.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Vacation all I ever wanted...
Vacation had to get away...vacation. I desperately need a vacation. A minimum of 365 days would do. I just completed my Masters on Tuesday. I have been on vacation from any kind of housework and so forth for the past five days. I've been gearing up for the Holidays sorta - we picked up our tree and some decorations. You can only guess with the Broncos going to the Fiesta Bowl that our tree is in fact blue and orange and we're going to top it with a minature helmet.
I went to Market this Saturday. It poured a little, all in all a great day. I went to a show after the Market with Mike at Paul & Mary's. I made a little money, and the money I made I spent. It was a great afternoon mingling with other artist and talking about life. It is enlightening when you meet new people who are of similar mind - itt doesn't matter where you fo or what you do you always manage to fill your circle with similar people. Never two alike, but of similar philosophies - always complementary.
So - I cancled my plans for Hawaii and am going to Centacow, South Africa instead. Funny how the Universe listens. I am going on a mission trip with the Small Village Foundation May 30 - June 15, 2007 with a group of young adults. Originally the mission team was full then a gentleman couldn't go and a spot opened up. I meet with Jeannine on Tuesday to find out what the mission entails. My primary objective is to be the photo, video, journalistic documentator. I am a bit scared or leary to be away from Te for two weeks, yet I know all things will be grand in my absence. I will just miss my sweet boy.
Great things are knocking at the door. I need to be open and fearless.
I went to Market this Saturday. It poured a little, all in all a great day. I went to a show after the Market with Mike at Paul & Mary's. I made a little money, and the money I made I spent. It was a great afternoon mingling with other artist and talking about life. It is enlightening when you meet new people who are of similar mind - itt doesn't matter where you fo or what you do you always manage to fill your circle with similar people. Never two alike, but of similar philosophies - always complementary.
So - I cancled my plans for Hawaii and am going to Centacow, South Africa instead. Funny how the Universe listens. I am going on a mission trip with the Small Village Foundation May 30 - June 15, 2007 with a group of young adults. Originally the mission team was full then a gentleman couldn't go and a spot opened up. I meet with Jeannine on Tuesday to find out what the mission entails. My primary objective is to be the photo, video, journalistic documentator. I am a bit scared or leary to be away from Te for two weeks, yet I know all things will be grand in my absence. I will just miss my sweet boy.
Great things are knocking at the door. I need to be open and fearless.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Febrile Seizure
Today is suppose to be the last official day of my MBA study, however, instead of completing my project at this moment I am blogging instead. A lot has happened since my last note. It seems there are always new challenges stretching my faith and trust in the dynamic world we live in.
Te picked up a cold around the 10th of November that lingered for about ten days. We managed to manage the cold great and steered clear of the wheezes. Two days after the cold seemed clear out Te picked up a lovely belly bug which lasted for about a day and a half - in conjunction with getting the flu shot - so it could of all been relative. So for Thanksgiving we decided to stay home from Salt Lake - our friend Ryan sprang on that he wanted to rent our little house - so something that had not been a priority for a long time suddenly had to be done, and done quickly. Instead of having five days off from work - I worked almost every day through the holiday which took away from my study time in my original attempt to complete my class early. Who am I fooling? I always work best under the gun - the last minute gun. Anyways - Jeff spent most of his free time working on the house. Granted we all had a nice holiday it culminated in Te picking up yet another viral thing sometime during the week and having a febrile seizure Sunday (26) at about 840ish.
Talk about a surreal experience. Little buddy had been feverish all day and I was managing it with Tylenol - now I know the trick of alternating between Motrin and Tylenol every three hours - however, that does not reduce the possibilty of having a febrile seizure. Te was sitting next to me on the couch when he starting convulsing. Flipping scarier then shit...I knew what was happening or assumed I did, I've read about them. All my reading is not wasted time or energy. I picked him up held in on my side in my arms - told Jeff to call 911 and I was looking out the window to see if my neighbor Gus' lights were on. They were and I hussled out the door - he was actually outside taking out his garbage and I asked him if he could help me, he's a nurse anesthesis (?). We laid Te on his side in their living room and the paramedics were at the house about three minutes later. The seizure probably lasted about four minutes. Te and I rode the ambulance to the hospital. We could of probably managed without the ambulance ride - however, when you are riding unchartered territory - it just eliminates the undue additional stress. All in all, we learned that febrile seizures do not cause any harm, that he more then likely will not have another. His temperature was 105+ when we checked into the ER. It is not so much how high the temperature gets it is how fast it goes up or down. The least I can say is we have definitely had our fare share of growing experiences this year. As I complete this chapter of my life I see great things are knocking at our door.
We just bought another kiln and another potters wheel. Jeff has been a busy bee again which gets me excited. Now that I will be done with school when the little man goes to bed I myself will be able to go out into the studio and work a couple hours a night. It is going to be awesome to be able to let my creative juices flow and flourish.
Also - remember to root for those Boise State Broncos on New Years Day when we take on the Oklahoma Sooners! Jeff is going for the three day gala - I am flying the day of the game. Since Te gets asthmatic with colds and now has had a febrile seizure Grandpa Tom is a little leary staying home alone overnight with Te. Understandable - except when you're with the little guy all the time - the challenging times are mostly fast forgotten since he's so busy and such an enlightening experience.
GO BRONCOS! And the funny thing is - they're playing in Cardinal Stadium - sponsored by my soon to be alma mater, UoP.
Te picked up a cold around the 10th of November that lingered for about ten days. We managed to manage the cold great and steered clear of the wheezes. Two days after the cold seemed clear out Te picked up a lovely belly bug which lasted for about a day and a half - in conjunction with getting the flu shot - so it could of all been relative. So for Thanksgiving we decided to stay home from Salt Lake - our friend Ryan sprang on that he wanted to rent our little house - so something that had not been a priority for a long time suddenly had to be done, and done quickly. Instead of having five days off from work - I worked almost every day through the holiday which took away from my study time in my original attempt to complete my class early. Who am I fooling? I always work best under the gun - the last minute gun. Anyways - Jeff spent most of his free time working on the house. Granted we all had a nice holiday it culminated in Te picking up yet another viral thing sometime during the week and having a febrile seizure Sunday (26) at about 840ish.
Talk about a surreal experience. Little buddy had been feverish all day and I was managing it with Tylenol - now I know the trick of alternating between Motrin and Tylenol every three hours - however, that does not reduce the possibilty of having a febrile seizure. Te was sitting next to me on the couch when he starting convulsing. Flipping scarier then shit...I knew what was happening or assumed I did, I've read about them. All my reading is not wasted time or energy. I picked him up held in on my side in my arms - told Jeff to call 911 and I was looking out the window to see if my neighbor Gus' lights were on. They were and I hussled out the door - he was actually outside taking out his garbage and I asked him if he could help me, he's a nurse anesthesis (?). We laid Te on his side in their living room and the paramedics were at the house about three minutes later. The seizure probably lasted about four minutes. Te and I rode the ambulance to the hospital. We could of probably managed without the ambulance ride - however, when you are riding unchartered territory - it just eliminates the undue additional stress. All in all, we learned that febrile seizures do not cause any harm, that he more then likely will not have another. His temperature was 105+ when we checked into the ER. It is not so much how high the temperature gets it is how fast it goes up or down. The least I can say is we have definitely had our fare share of growing experiences this year. As I complete this chapter of my life I see great things are knocking at our door.
We just bought another kiln and another potters wheel. Jeff has been a busy bee again which gets me excited. Now that I will be done with school when the little man goes to bed I myself will be able to go out into the studio and work a couple hours a night. It is going to be awesome to be able to let my creative juices flow and flourish.
Also - remember to root for those Boise State Broncos on New Years Day when we take on the Oklahoma Sooners! Jeff is going for the three day gala - I am flying the day of the game. Since Te gets asthmatic with colds and now has had a febrile seizure Grandpa Tom is a little leary staying home alone overnight with Te. Understandable - except when you're with the little guy all the time - the challenging times are mostly fast forgotten since he's so busy and such an enlightening experience.
GO BRONCOS! And the funny thing is - they're playing in Cardinal Stadium - sponsored by my soon to be alma mater, UoP.
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
Changing Behavior
I think one of the hardest parts to being a momma is listening to your child cry your name when you know you have to let them continue to cry so that everyone can create a new behavior. Right now I a teaching Te how to put himself to bed, I enjoy laying down with my son, however there are times when I lay with him up to 40 minutes where most of the time momma falls asleep for the rest of the night. Falling asleep with Te would not be such a big deal except I always have such a full plate that there are many things I need to work on once Te goes to bed...one of them being school, another being inventory for Market, homework from work - you name it - I always have something that needs to be done.
The past few days I myself am creating new behavior. My plan is to work myself up to getting up at 430/5am so it allows me to get to work earlier so I can get off earlier and have more of my day to spend quality time with Te. If I can get to work by 530/6am I can come home by 130pm and have a good eight hours to hang, play, and learn with Te. Normally I leave for work around 945/10am which lets me leisurely wake up with Te and get him started for the day, the downfall is I don't get home until 630/7pm and thus only have a couple hours to enjoy Te time. So I want to change that so I have more time for Te, Jeff, and myself.
I have four more weeks of school left - talk about being excited for a new chapter! It's like I am going to have a new lease on life. I need to start making my garden plans, marketing my photography and designing, busting out inventory for next Market season...the story of my life. Go, go, go - except once I turn my days around I'll be hiking in the afternoons with my kid on my back or at my heels. I cannot wait to feel like I have my life back. It is hard not to lose yourself when you go to school no matter how hard one tries.
Always remember to love life and be grateful for this experience.
The past few days I myself am creating new behavior. My plan is to work myself up to getting up at 430/5am so it allows me to get to work earlier so I can get off earlier and have more of my day to spend quality time with Te. If I can get to work by 530/6am I can come home by 130pm and have a good eight hours to hang, play, and learn with Te. Normally I leave for work around 945/10am which lets me leisurely wake up with Te and get him started for the day, the downfall is I don't get home until 630/7pm and thus only have a couple hours to enjoy Te time. So I want to change that so I have more time for Te, Jeff, and myself.
I have four more weeks of school left - talk about being excited for a new chapter! It's like I am going to have a new lease on life. I need to start making my garden plans, marketing my photography and designing, busting out inventory for next Market season...the story of my life. Go, go, go - except once I turn my days around I'll be hiking in the afternoons with my kid on my back or at my heels. I cannot wait to feel like I have my life back. It is hard not to lose yourself when you go to school no matter how hard one tries.
Always remember to love life and be grateful for this experience.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 16, 2006
Reality Check
Boy - sometimes reality slaps you in the face and brings you back to earth. This past weekend (10-14-06) was both awesome and traumatic. Friday night Jeff and I went to our friends, the Woodalls, for a rager in Hidden Springs. It was funny since Jeff took a detour down Dry Creek and I told him it really felt like we were going to a rager traveling down a dirt road where the night sky was clear. I have really been practicing just being - trying to eliminate criticism and work from my core with love. Prior to shifting my brain on the dirt road ride - I had told Jeff that if I was driving I would of taken the more leisurely route through town. Hitting the dirt road made our ride more leisurely after we got off the fast pace of Hwy 55. Jeff is always in a hurry and normally I am trying to smell the roses. So it was rather ironic - cause I was partly annoyed with him going the fast lane. However, I acknowledged the fact to Jeff that he had taken a serious detour and then the light switched in my head - I rolled down the window and started drinking in the nice distraction of being consumed by the cool crisp fall air. Once Dry Creek teed into Seaman's Gulch I pointed South and told Jeff to go right. Ironically he followed my lead which is very abnormal - and within a half mile we were at our destination. The detour Jeff took was a spontaneous one - we both knew it would eventually take us where we were going - just how was not certain. It was a great night out after spending the previous weekend in the hospital due to Te's asthma acting up.
Saturday was also a great day. We hadn't been to Market for two weeks since we were in SLC for a football game, and then Te was in the hospital. They forgot to chalk our space in and so I made room for us and enjoyed a beautiful bluebird fall day. Spent a great evening hanging out - just me and Te - then I was a dumbass and left the room with Te and Stan (our dog) alone while I went to the bathroom. Te must of got up at the same time I did and got in Stan's face. Stan was cornered and had nowhere to go - resulting in Te getting nipped on the nose. The nip resulted in Te falling and doing a banger on his forehead - all in all - resulting in 11 stitches. Talk about trauma. Jeff was at some UFC kind of thing and so I had to recruit the neighbors to take us to the ER Jeff does not deal well with stress so I definitely got an earful. My weekend started out great - then it got sour fast.
Saturday was also a great day. We hadn't been to Market for two weeks since we were in SLC for a football game, and then Te was in the hospital. They forgot to chalk our space in and so I made room for us and enjoyed a beautiful bluebird fall day. Spent a great evening hanging out - just me and Te - then I was a dumbass and left the room with Te and Stan (our dog) alone while I went to the bathroom. Te must of got up at the same time I did and got in Stan's face. Stan was cornered and had nowhere to go - resulting in Te getting nipped on the nose. The nip resulted in Te falling and doing a banger on his forehead - all in all - resulting in 11 stitches. Talk about trauma. Jeff was at some UFC kind of thing and so I had to recruit the neighbors to take us to the ER Jeff does not deal well with stress so I definitely got an earful. My weekend started out great - then it got sour fast.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Brainstorm
I am starting to feel my heart opening - it tingles - it is very liberating and I am thankful for that. All the junk we chose to pack close to our heart, constricting it and not allowing our hearts to give love. People talk about love, but do they really mean love. This is a wonderful ride I am on now - realizing by loving it enables you to let go - in every sense - be it one's spirit dancing to stares - who cares. Grounded in spirit.
I am feeling pretty great right now. I was just settling in to figuring out how I want this year's Market calendar to look and as always when I get a chance to be creative my brain goes on overload with ideas. I decided in my obnoxious brainstorm that as soon as school ends and the Market ceases for four months - I will sit down and write a grant. A grant to fund my documentary series on the lives of the producers - farmers, artisans, etc. Bringing the identity home - creating awareness and appreciation , memories. Still images. I am in a unique position since I have been a part of the Market family for three years, I know a lot of the vendors, am quite sociable if I say so myself, flexible. Intuitively this is what I hear myself saying I need to do, I will do, and it will be recognized. Not so much recognition for me - but recogntion of how important it is to sustain what we have, nurture it and help it grow. If we let a few do a job for millions, eventually the few die off and so do the millions.
It is something I can pay myself to do so that I can take time away from the printshop to work on the project with Te in tow - a friend in tow - who knows. Opening people's heart. It might be a one year project - or a forever project - which is beautiful by me.
Following the ebbs and flows of the producers.
Heart song. Heart opening, heart growing, heart singing. Bringing it home.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Love is everything, It has no conditions
I have been reading this book about Love by Deepak Chopra. It is good for my spirit. Since I finished my last class, Market Research, last Monday I have been on this quest towards liberating my soul. I feel great things are coming and am opening myself up to all possibilities. Instead of being my own worse judge - I am surrendering to love. Loving myself enables me to love others more completely. To have gratitude. It is something I have been seeking my whole life. Recognizing my spirit. I have six more weeks of class and then my Masters is complete. Right now I am remembering how to Master myself. Love is spirit. It is hard for us to remember what it is like to feel divine - I will remember, I want to remember in my conscious state. To be liberated - actively pursuing freedom - freedom of spirit.
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Roadtrip to Sandpoint
This past week was my first road trip by myself in many moons. I have not driven myself across the state in probably ten years without a driving companion. Te came along for the ride - and I learned what life was like on the road as a single parent. Although challenging it was very rewarding - and I realized how much I missed my driving independence. Once I finish my MBA I am ready to start road-tripping it when I get a crazy hair and feel like venturing home to Sandpoint. When I originally left town on Thurs. (Aug. 24) I had anticipated taking I-84. However, upon my departure I was frustrated by the traffic traveling West due to an accident. I flipped a "U"ie on State Hwy something and said, screw it, I am going North. So once I hit Hwy 55 it was clean sailing. No annoying traffic - just me, my kid, the river, and the road.
I had been yearning for a roadtrip for a few weeks - I was very indecisive about whether I was flying or if I was driving to Sandpoint. Traveling by air is convenient with a toddler, however, it can be challenging when you are trying to figure out what is really necessary for a week on the water, and North Idaho weather. When I decided to drive I knew it would give me back some liberation, a bit of freeing of my soul, allowing my self to have conversations with those that have crossed over and a bit of alone time to drink in. Granted Te was in the rear - it was still an opportunity to be free. It was kind of funny - I've become so empathetic and full of emotion - when I got to the trees and smelt their yumminess on my ascent I started to cry. I realized how important trees are to me - they are much of who I am. Although I have thrived in the desert valley of Boise, Idaho - I really, really miss the scent and source of power that trees represent. Trees remind me of home.
Anyways - we were fortunate enough on our roadtrip outside of McCall to see a beautiful deer illuminated in the dusk light looking powerful, beautiful, and empowering on a rise in the road. Accompanied by many of her girlfriends of course. What I love about traveling home to Sandpoint is that the road feels like it's has been imprinted onto my soul. I say that because I could tell you most of the routes through Idaho to get me from Point A (South Idaho) to Point B (North Idaho) - or through Oregon or through Washington from all the numerous road trips I use to take with my Grandma Wilson, my dad, and by myself.
Our trip home included a golf benefit for Deana Dillon, one wedding for Molly and Luke, another wedding for Denise and Dave, reunion with Errin Ford & family and Brian Graves, and finally Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (HFMD). Yep, HFMD is another story. We got to see a lot of old and great friends at Molly's wedding which was hosted by Alex and Laura Wohleib. And more old and great friends at Marley Beach on Sunday when Errin Ford and his family (Lyza and Ella-roo), along with Brian Graves ventured out. Not only that - Te and I were able to reconnect with Kim Kocher and her son Jackson who is two weeks younger then Te. Kim is from Boise and we became acquainted through mutual friends - she moved to Sandpoint to work for Coldwater Creek and Jackson happens to be one of Te's first buddies. Gotta keep that alive :)
When Te and I ventured home on Wed we took a detour through St Maries in route to Fernwood to check out the Nodzu family's property. I was suppose to turn left onto Hwy 5 - missed it, didn't want to turn around, and said I'll do it next time. I actually have not driven Hwy 3 south to Moscow before so it was a bit of an adventure. Made me remember why I hate meeting up with logging trucks on narrow roads! I got to see Princeton and Harvard and a bunch of landscape that was great to drink in from a different persepective. It was nice. I love Idaho - I love life. Just making myself memories and making myself remember.
I had been yearning for a roadtrip for a few weeks - I was very indecisive about whether I was flying or if I was driving to Sandpoint. Traveling by air is convenient with a toddler, however, it can be challenging when you are trying to figure out what is really necessary for a week on the water, and North Idaho weather. When I decided to drive I knew it would give me back some liberation, a bit of freeing of my soul, allowing my self to have conversations with those that have crossed over and a bit of alone time to drink in. Granted Te was in the rear - it was still an opportunity to be free. It was kind of funny - I've become so empathetic and full of emotion - when I got to the trees and smelt their yumminess on my ascent I started to cry. I realized how important trees are to me - they are much of who I am. Although I have thrived in the desert valley of Boise, Idaho - I really, really miss the scent and source of power that trees represent. Trees remind me of home.
Anyways - we were fortunate enough on our roadtrip outside of McCall to see a beautiful deer illuminated in the dusk light looking powerful, beautiful, and empowering on a rise in the road. Accompanied by many of her girlfriends of course. What I love about traveling home to Sandpoint is that the road feels like it's has been imprinted onto my soul. I say that because I could tell you most of the routes through Idaho to get me from Point A (South Idaho) to Point B (North Idaho) - or through Oregon or through Washington from all the numerous road trips I use to take with my Grandma Wilson, my dad, and by myself.
Our trip home included a golf benefit for Deana Dillon, one wedding for Molly and Luke, another wedding for Denise and Dave, reunion with Errin Ford & family and Brian Graves, and finally Hand, Foot, and Mouth Disease (HFMD). Yep, HFMD is another story. We got to see a lot of old and great friends at Molly's wedding which was hosted by Alex and Laura Wohleib. And more old and great friends at Marley Beach on Sunday when Errin Ford and his family (Lyza and Ella-roo), along with Brian Graves ventured out. Not only that - Te and I were able to reconnect with Kim Kocher and her son Jackson who is two weeks younger then Te. Kim is from Boise and we became acquainted through mutual friends - she moved to Sandpoint to work for Coldwater Creek and Jackson happens to be one of Te's first buddies. Gotta keep that alive :)
When Te and I ventured home on Wed we took a detour through St Maries in route to Fernwood to check out the Nodzu family's property. I was suppose to turn left onto Hwy 5 - missed it, didn't want to turn around, and said I'll do it next time. I actually have not driven Hwy 3 south to Moscow before so it was a bit of an adventure. Made me remember why I hate meeting up with logging trucks on narrow roads! I got to see Princeton and Harvard and a bunch of landscape that was great to drink in from a different persepective. It was nice. I love Idaho - I love life. Just making myself memories and making myself remember.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Remembering Life
Sometimes sad news comes in waves...I've been riding many waves the past couple of months. This morning around 11am I received a phone call from my cousin Janene that my Great-Uncle Eddy passed the night before. It had been expected for awhile now, and last week they had hospice come in. A reminder all the same that life is short and sweet and you better drink it in while you can.
Around 130pm I received another call from Chrissy that our friend Jenny Guthrie had passed. This has us all in an utter state of shock. This is Jenny. Young, vibrant, 34. It's not normal. We are still waiting for the details of what happened. It was said she had been having headaches and she went into the hospital to get checked. They ran some tests and sent her home with Vicadin. She took some Vicadin, took a nap, and never woke up. She leaves behind a beautiful nine year old daughter, her mom, her dad, three sisters, a brother, a husband,a step-son, nieces and nephews - friends. She just celebrated her first anniversary.
Jenny Josephine Guthrie we will miss you.
Around 130pm I received another call from Chrissy that our friend Jenny Guthrie had passed. This has us all in an utter state of shock. This is Jenny. Young, vibrant, 34. It's not normal. We are still waiting for the details of what happened. It was said she had been having headaches and she went into the hospital to get checked. They ran some tests and sent her home with Vicadin. She took some Vicadin, took a nap, and never woke up. She leaves behind a beautiful nine year old daughter, her mom, her dad, three sisters, a brother, a husband,a step-son, nieces and nephews - friends. She just celebrated her first anniversary.
Jenny Josephine Guthrie we will miss you.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Smokin'
The other night I smoked some weed and it helped me shift gears. It helped me shift from the over-the-top-fast-forward-no-time-for-roses speed to relax-feel-grounded-can tap into my emotions - and release mode speed. What is sort of ironic looking backwards to Saturday is the fact that a lady came through my booth at the Market and asked if one of our prints was a marijuana leaf. I told her no, it was a Japanese maple. We then pursued a conversation about her daughter who grows it for medicinal purposes in Northern California. This mother is an advocate for marijuana because of how it has helped her daughter deal with the pain that cancer has played upon her body. I told her I personally thought it should be legalized, she agreed - or not so much legalized she said, just not criminal.
To talk about it's healing property within my own personal soul is a good story for me to remember. Throughout my life I have dealt with many deaths - people close to me, friends and family. From 15 to 18 I experienced the death of my grandparents who raised me, four very close friends, and one schoolmate. Since then I have experienced a handful more. I have always had this knack for suspending my emotions.
Three years ago, my great friend, neighbor, and teacher passed at the ripe age of 97 and a half. I believe we must of had a past life connection or made some sort of agreement before descending on this Earth to one day make friends and I would help him towards his transition. The first day I saw my sweet friend, Harry Warr, was the day we looked at our house to purchase in 1997 and I saw this little old man with his sun hat on standing in the shade of his garage with a hoe in his hand. I remember telling God that I hoped he lived long enough for him to become my friend. Harry at the time of his passing, in June 2002, had become one of my very best friends. Reflecting back I think he was preparing me for the death of my father. Harry was old the day I met him - I knew he didn't have a long existence ahead of him - and I knew in order for me to truly learn from him I had to open my heart. I took care of Harry like a daughter would take care of her father - he was a bachelor, never married - and did not like to depend on his family. However with me and through our trusted friendship Harry felt comfortable leaning on me - I made an agreement with him that as long as I could care for him I would help him stay in his home. While on vacation in Ocean Shores, WA for my mom's 50th birthday Harry had a fall - broke his leg - and had to go into a nursing home to be rehabilitated. During his stay his younger brother Dorsey (95) had contracted pneumonia and was sick in the hospital for a week, and then passed. A day and half after Dorsey passed, Harry let go. Having a month a part helped ease the transition for both of us. Since Harry passed I selectively shut off my heart. Then came Te.
So going back to Saturday and taking a hit to relax I started thinking about my dad. What a beautiful and sincere soul he is and what lessons he has taught me about this life. I was chatting to Jeff about how much dad liked to dance - and it made me realize that I want to live my life where I feel like my spirit is always dancing and rejoicing. (I have not smelt the roses in moons - my plate is plenty full - I look forward to December where I will regain some sanity back. ) With that thought and my continuous philisophical babbling Jeff pondered if I was going to talk for an hour - I said no, and went downstairs to admire Te sleeping. I was already sad and crying a little - then I sat on my bed and sobbed with my whole body as I had a conversation with my dad in my head. I was reflecting on really how humorous it was that I was telling him everything I would be telling him in the physical world inside my head. As I sobbed over my emotions for my father I began to feel liberated, the sobbing was helping me release all the pent up sad emotions that I pack around my heart. I actually felt like I could breath easier if you will. I realized while sobbing that I need to do it more often, I need to feel completely with all of my being, that it is OK to be vulnerable, and that I need to have these emotions to heal. By allowing myself to have these emotions that I so willingly like to hide - it is helpimg me work towards attaining a fuller life. Call me crazy - all this babble from one hit - but that's what it takes to make this chic come down a level, to smell the roses, and really drink life in.
To talk about it's healing property within my own personal soul is a good story for me to remember. Throughout my life I have dealt with many deaths - people close to me, friends and family. From 15 to 18 I experienced the death of my grandparents who raised me, four very close friends, and one schoolmate. Since then I have experienced a handful more. I have always had this knack for suspending my emotions.
Three years ago, my great friend, neighbor, and teacher passed at the ripe age of 97 and a half. I believe we must of had a past life connection or made some sort of agreement before descending on this Earth to one day make friends and I would help him towards his transition. The first day I saw my sweet friend, Harry Warr, was the day we looked at our house to purchase in 1997 and I saw this little old man with his sun hat on standing in the shade of his garage with a hoe in his hand. I remember telling God that I hoped he lived long enough for him to become my friend. Harry at the time of his passing, in June 2002, had become one of my very best friends. Reflecting back I think he was preparing me for the death of my father. Harry was old the day I met him - I knew he didn't have a long existence ahead of him - and I knew in order for me to truly learn from him I had to open my heart. I took care of Harry like a daughter would take care of her father - he was a bachelor, never married - and did not like to depend on his family. However with me and through our trusted friendship Harry felt comfortable leaning on me - I made an agreement with him that as long as I could care for him I would help him stay in his home. While on vacation in Ocean Shores, WA for my mom's 50th birthday Harry had a fall - broke his leg - and had to go into a nursing home to be rehabilitated. During his stay his younger brother Dorsey (95) had contracted pneumonia and was sick in the hospital for a week, and then passed. A day and half after Dorsey passed, Harry let go. Having a month a part helped ease the transition for both of us. Since Harry passed I selectively shut off my heart. Then came Te.
So going back to Saturday and taking a hit to relax I started thinking about my dad. What a beautiful and sincere soul he is and what lessons he has taught me about this life. I was chatting to Jeff about how much dad liked to dance - and it made me realize that I want to live my life where I feel like my spirit is always dancing and rejoicing. (I have not smelt the roses in moons - my plate is plenty full - I look forward to December where I will regain some sanity back. ) With that thought and my continuous philisophical babbling Jeff pondered if I was going to talk for an hour - I said no, and went downstairs to admire Te sleeping. I was already sad and crying a little - then I sat on my bed and sobbed with my whole body as I had a conversation with my dad in my head. I was reflecting on really how humorous it was that I was telling him everything I would be telling him in the physical world inside my head. As I sobbed over my emotions for my father I began to feel liberated, the sobbing was helping me release all the pent up sad emotions that I pack around my heart. I actually felt like I could breath easier if you will. I realized while sobbing that I need to do it more often, I need to feel completely with all of my being, that it is OK to be vulnerable, and that I need to have these emotions to heal. By allowing myself to have these emotions that I so willingly like to hide - it is helpimg me work towards attaining a fuller life. Call me crazy - all this babble from one hit - but that's what it takes to make this chic come down a level, to smell the roses, and really drink life in.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
The Gods are Talking...
I have this bad habit of drinking expensive coffee. I keep telling myself I need to quit to support my new glass passion. Yesterday I went to my regular coffee stand, Executive Coffee, and waited in line for more then ten minutes with only one car in front of me. Who knows what they ordered. I was already late for work - so I could wait no longer - and decided to hit my old coffee house on Vista, Moxie Java. I got out of the car and rambled inside to again be detoured by more then a ten minute wait. This time the two people in front of me ordered 16 coffees to go! I should of walked out after my second eternal wait -but persisted - and was rewarded with a free coffee and free breakfast burrito due to a shift change. Later in the day, about 330pm, I decided I needed yet another coffee. The Gods were seriously trying to detour me for sure - since I ran into a parked car, my brother-in-law's that is. Fortunate for me I didn't damage my truck, and his car was already beat up from a previous accident. All the same - my lack of paying attention and my coffee fixation resulted in carelessness.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Life still moving too fast
Boy - I'll be happy as pig in shit come Dec. 4. It's a monumental date since I will finally be done with school. Life is still on overdrive. Adding a few glass fusing classes to my current life schedule has limited me on just quiet time for myself. Or, at least productive quiet time where I am suppose to be doing homework and instead I feel like cruising the Internet or the T.V. to learn about home improvement projects. Jeff, Te, and I will be venturing North to Sandpoint at the end of August. Redeem some sanity. By that time let's pray our little house in town will be in the mix for being sold. Jeff tore out the bathroom a week ago - now we have to make time to remodel. For some reason we feel inclined to finish texturing all the walls in the rest of the house. I cannot explain why we chose to make more work for ourselves - I guess it's our nature. It will pay off, it is just a matter of finding the time to do everything we need to do. Right now I feel like I am missing out on some quality time with Te - it is a bit frustrating. I will have a six week hiatus from school after Sept. 11 before my final Marketing class begins. I am looking forward to the time to get back to hiking - and trying desperately to commute by bike to work three times a week. I feel like getting my old physical self back - communing with nature which I miss - and grounding my soul. In due time. I'll look back 365 days from now and go "WoW." I know when I reflect back I will see how sound my judgements have been and how looking ahead instead of behind has propelled me forward. Always enjoying the journey.
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