Thursday, December 09, 2010
Sunday, August 30, 2009
The Phoenix is Rising
It’s been such a long time since I listened to my own subtlety’s. My song, my rhythm, my breath. I have been lost for so long ~ completely and voluntarily giving up my own self-knowledge for just a mundane dance. Too afraid to know myself, too afraid to love myself. To completely release my fear of vulnerability to be free. Freedom. They say freedom is in the mind ~ its a state of being. I see this...I see this now and not through a creative mind...but a creative mind.
I am digging deeper to know who I am. To love who I am. To be who I am. I want to know my core. I cannot explain this random babble other then the fact that I truly feel blessed to be alive. To see actual beauty within myself. To see me and to love, love, love to BE. Playing has a way of allowing us to BE free.
The Journey has begun. August 1, 2009. The rear-view mirror has been very auspicious!
Friday, February 20, 2009
A bit detached
The past few weeks I've been feeling a little detached from my life. Not something intentional ~ but something worth noting. I've been so overwhelmed with working, crappy drama that I normally avert from, trying to get paid on receivables and so forth that life has been a bit too much.
My older sister Michelle and her boyfriend Joe came for a visit these past few days. I was able to visit a little not a lot due to my current print workload. However, yesterday I finally listened to all my own talk about "living in the now" and decided to set my work aside in the afternoon and get a short respite. We went to Skinny Dipper hot springs and met the man, Ken, who actually developed it. It was quite an interesting afternoon involving a bit of good cardio, bathing in the springs and drinking in the beauty of the day with good conversation. I even drank a "Mil's Best!" (Union made at that) to top it off.
Then today - back to the grind and back to feeling like a grumpy bitch. I know the end of the tunnel is close - hopefully two more weeks and I will have some of my personal liberty back and I can start hiking regularly, getting the garden ready for the season, clean my house and start some spring sprucing.
I think it was Osho who said it's harder or more difficult to live in misery then ecstasy. You have to work at being miserable. So here's to working towards ecstasy. I can do the grind and think of all the exciting things that are close on the horizon.
My older sister Michelle and her boyfriend Joe came for a visit these past few days. I was able to visit a little not a lot due to my current print workload. However, yesterday I finally listened to all my own talk about "living in the now" and decided to set my work aside in the afternoon and get a short respite. We went to Skinny Dipper hot springs and met the man, Ken, who actually developed it. It was quite an interesting afternoon involving a bit of good cardio, bathing in the springs and drinking in the beauty of the day with good conversation. I even drank a "Mil's Best!" (Union made at that) to top it off.
Then today - back to the grind and back to feeling like a grumpy bitch. I know the end of the tunnel is close - hopefully two more weeks and I will have some of my personal liberty back and I can start hiking regularly, getting the garden ready for the season, clean my house and start some spring sprucing.
I think it was Osho who said it's harder or more difficult to live in misery then ecstasy. You have to work at being miserable. So here's to working towards ecstasy. I can do the grind and think of all the exciting things that are close on the horizon.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Blessed
I really haven't written in ages. Frankly I've been too busy to sit down and ramble. I don't plan to ramble tonight - just want to note how grateful I am that I am so blessed. Although I am at moments experiencing some seriously stressful times because I really don't know how I might survive financially or how I am going to provide for my family - I just pray and keep the faith. Tonight I sat down and started cutting out images and words for my vision board. Over the course of the past couple days I must really be tapped into to the universal energy because I've subconsciously made some choices that were exactly right on - so the time is now - to start manifesting. Why wait or have expectations for another day when if you really believe just let life unfold.
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Te's thoughts
Tonight when I got home with groceries and Te was putting the veggies away in the fridge. He didn't miss a beat when I asked him if it would be OK for dad to drop him off at school tomorrow and I would pick him up. Te's response, "I think that sounds wonderful, uhhhh...but sorry...no." So there you have it. The kid is really quite frank - I love it.
I also learned that Te's food preference is "Paul & Mary Jean's" - our friends who own Cucina di Paolo. I called earlier on my way home and asked if I could bring him something home to eat, "Something from Paul & Mary Jean's."
*This is a self-portrait 12/3/2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
Dirty Laundry
A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the
wash outside.
"That laundry is not very clean", she said.
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap"
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Everytime her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
the young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see
a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I won der wh o taught her this?"
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and
cleaned our windows."
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others,
depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
This was sent to me by a friend.
The next morning while they are eating breakfast,
the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the
wash outside.
"That laundry is not very clean", she said.
"She doesn't know how to wash correctly.
Perhaps she needs better laundry soap"
Her husband looked on, but remained silent.
Everytime her neighbor would hang her wash to dry,
the young woman would make the same comments.
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see
a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband:
"Look, she has learned how to wash correctly.
I won der wh o taught her this?"
The husband said, "I got up early this morning and
cleaned our windows."
And so it is with life. What we see when watching others,
depends on the purity of the window through which we look.
This was sent to me by a friend.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
CMT
Country Music Channel I think is what it stands for...
Sometimes I watch it for kicks - Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders "Training Camp" and Redneck Weddings. Redneck Weddings - oh it's awful, humorous for sure, but kind of awful when a brother marries a sister - who cares if she's adopted!
Anyways - they have a show called "Crossroads" where musical artists play together and collaborate on singing each others songs. Last night I watched it because my niece Chelsea had watched it earlier in the evening and it was a repeat. Crossroads last night featured Taylor Swift & Def Leppard. It was awesome. I became a new fan of Taylor Swift and went out and bought an album today. When she was singing I was thinking about my young friend Taylor Marley and envisioning her on stage performing - it is easy to do if you know my friend. I talked to Mikey today and she said a while ago that Mackey curled her hair put on a hat and looked just like Taylor Swift, sort of ironic.
It's kind of strange - since yesterday I feel really engaged in my life. I always say "Live like you mean it" and do not get me wrong - I do live my life - but really since yesterday I didn't realize that "auto pilot" has been on for awhile. Just in the last 36 hours I actually feel alive. Can't explain it. Anyways - it's been awesome "waking up."
Peace out.
Sometimes I watch it for kicks - Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders "Training Camp" and Redneck Weddings. Redneck Weddings - oh it's awful, humorous for sure, but kind of awful when a brother marries a sister - who cares if she's adopted!
Anyways - they have a show called "Crossroads" where musical artists play together and collaborate on singing each others songs. Last night I watched it because my niece Chelsea had watched it earlier in the evening and it was a repeat. Crossroads last night featured Taylor Swift & Def Leppard. It was awesome. I became a new fan of Taylor Swift and went out and bought an album today. When she was singing I was thinking about my young friend Taylor Marley and envisioning her on stage performing - it is easy to do if you know my friend. I talked to Mikey today and she said a while ago that Mackey curled her hair put on a hat and looked just like Taylor Swift, sort of ironic.
It's kind of strange - since yesterday I feel really engaged in my life. I always say "Live like you mean it" and do not get me wrong - I do live my life - but really since yesterday I didn't realize that "auto pilot" has been on for awhile. Just in the last 36 hours I actually feel alive. Can't explain it. Anyways - it's been awesome "waking up."
Peace out.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
44th President
As I write this post Barack Obama has been declared the 44th President. He currently has 338 electoral votes to McCain's 129. He has 51% of the popular vote. I pray that God will guide him wisely, justly, and lovingly. May God protect Obama and his family and keep him from harms way. During this time may God protect and love us all kindly as we transition into a new era in the United States of America. No matter what people have been saying or thinking on both sides of the line - nothing could be worse then what we've endured for the past few years. If the Republican party had confidence in McCain's VP selection this would be an entirely different election.
May this be the stepping stone where the boundaries of creed and color truly begin to disintegrate - that tolerance and acceptance become real not talked about - where we look into a strangers eyes and see ourselves. May this be the beginning of true Christ-like consciousness where we truly love without judgement.
Peace!
May this be the stepping stone where the boundaries of creed and color truly begin to disintegrate - that tolerance and acceptance become real not talked about - where we look into a strangers eyes and see ourselves. May this be the beginning of true Christ-like consciousness where we truly love without judgement.
Peace!
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Luminosity and Knowing
With persistent practice, consciousness may eventually be perceived or felt as an entity of mere luminosity and knowing, to which anything is capable of appearing and which, when appropriate conditions arise, can be generated in the image of whatsoever object. As long as the mind does not encounter the external circumstance of conceptuality, it will abide empty without anything appearing in it, like clear water. Its very entity is that of mere experience. Let the mind flow of its own accord without conceptual overlay. Let the mind rest in its natural state, and observe it. In the beginning, when you are not used to this practice, it is quite difficult, but in time the mind appears like clear water.
--The Dalai Lama, in The Dalai Lama: A Policy of Kindness, edited by Sidney Piburn
from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book
--The Dalai Lama, in The Dalai Lama: A Policy of Kindness, edited by Sidney Piburn
from Everyday Mind, edited by Jean Smith, a Tricycle book
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Grace
So I have been learning about grace - or shall I say - an interpretation of grace. I don't understand how people do not know, cannot feel, participate or be partly gracious. I think it is an innate part of our spirit - some tap into the wonderful powers of grace, while others do not believe it exists.
The beauty of human consciousness, free will, this experience of growing spiritually called life is an ever-lasting evolution of beingness that has no boundaries, definition, or limits.
I love the synchronicity of life - I love how God provides. Just as I am finally grounded and caught in the printing front I am bombarded with more work to keep me busy, to keep me floating - to provide me with the opportunity to live in grace. Showered by the plethora of wonder and opportunity that always fills my days.
Last night I was reading and I felt like I was a little out of body - in a good way. Pondering, questioning this physical body that my spirits resides in. It really is so surreal when you try to think about what we represent and try desperately to define it. There are no definitions, there are no boundaries - so does that mean we should look at ourselves as limitless, because we are, we are limitless.
Spread your wings and fly - we are meant to soar. Let the sun fill your soul and may you shine like a beacon in the night - bless this life.
The beauty of human consciousness, free will, this experience of growing spiritually called life is an ever-lasting evolution of beingness that has no boundaries, definition, or limits.
I love the synchronicity of life - I love how God provides. Just as I am finally grounded and caught in the printing front I am bombarded with more work to keep me busy, to keep me floating - to provide me with the opportunity to live in grace. Showered by the plethora of wonder and opportunity that always fills my days.
Last night I was reading and I felt like I was a little out of body - in a good way. Pondering, questioning this physical body that my spirits resides in. It really is so surreal when you try to think about what we represent and try desperately to define it. There are no definitions, there are no boundaries - so does that mean we should look at ourselves as limitless, because we are, we are limitless.
Spread your wings and fly - we are meant to soar. Let the sun fill your soul and may you shine like a beacon in the night - bless this life.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Digesting
I wish I had time to sit down, reflect, and digest. My life has been quite overwhelming for the past few months and I feel like I have lost a little of who I am. It may not be an entirely bad thing - since now that I am starting to breath a little deeper I have time to reflect on how I am going to maintain balance.
Being an entrepreneur is great - no qualms there - but I seriously needed a vacation or a slight hiatus before taking on this venture. I needed some serious time to regroup, although now, I am a lot more liberated. I know business is business. I also have the philosophy of if my customer can't wait - then maybe I am not the one to deliver the cake. I do not want to have my life led where I am constantly struggling to maintain my sanity and losing valuable time with myself and with my family.
I am just going to keep keeping on - I like what I do - I am very liberated and that in and of itself is the greatest reward I can give myself in regards to a job or a career. I need to allow people to help me; something I have a really hard time doing. I need to depend on my community of good friends and associates to see things through. Trust myself that I have surrounded myself with quality people.
Cheers.
Being an entrepreneur is great - no qualms there - but I seriously needed a vacation or a slight hiatus before taking on this venture. I needed some serious time to regroup, although now, I am a lot more liberated. I know business is business. I also have the philosophy of if my customer can't wait - then maybe I am not the one to deliver the cake. I do not want to have my life led where I am constantly struggling to maintain my sanity and losing valuable time with myself and with my family.
I am just going to keep keeping on - I like what I do - I am very liberated and that in and of itself is the greatest reward I can give myself in regards to a job or a career. I need to allow people to help me; something I have a really hard time doing. I need to depend on my community of good friends and associates to see things through. Trust myself that I have surrounded myself with quality people.
Cheers.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Holy Cow
The other day Te and I were driving and he made a comment to me about something and my response was "Holy Cow!" Te then inquired, "what does holy cow mean mom?" I said, "holy cow means wow!" Te then says, "Why don't you just say wow mom?" So I went on and said "wow!" A few minutes later after Te has sucked down his strawberry soy milk from Moxie Java he says, "That was frickin' ass good mom!" My ears were like "what?" I said to Te, "What does frickin' ass good mean?" Te says, "It means delicious." My response is then, "Why can't you just say delicious?" Frickin' ass has become his words of choice the past couple days. I am trying really hard not to harp on the words being inappropriate because I don't want him to thinks it's funny and off limits and just continue to say it in spite. It's just like when he use to say "God" and I just kept correcting him with the right words and it turned into "goodness." So frickin' ass good is on the words to transform - especially before it harms the ears of his fellow classmates, teacher, aunties, papas, etc.
Along with that earlier in the week Te informed me that he has camouflage eyes. Do you know what camouflage eyes are? Camouflage eyes are eyes that can see and find anything. He then was watching a Mickey Mouse episode where they were trying to spot some sheep and Te told me, "Mom, Mickey doesn't have camouflage eyes like me."
Gotta love how they grow. More to come now that life is sort of settling down.
Along with that earlier in the week Te informed me that he has camouflage eyes. Do you know what camouflage eyes are? Camouflage eyes are eyes that can see and find anything. He then was watching a Mickey Mouse episode where they were trying to spot some sheep and Te told me, "Mom, Mickey doesn't have camouflage eyes like me."
Gotta love how they grow. More to come now that life is sort of settling down.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Surreal Life
Currently striving for sanity. This whole business transition - preparing for Art in the Park...going home to Sandpoint has only set me behind more which I knew it would. Te and I had a great time on the river - although I will admit I did not feel completely like myself. Last Wednesday night I pulled an all-nighter and thus had a total of 15 minutes of sleep before loading onto an airplane bound for North Idaho. I think the lack of sleep is getting to me. I keep running into obstacles and what does one do - you just do.
I went to Ziggy Marley at the Festival on Friday night. I was thinking about buying a ticket - but at $60 a shot with not much moola to spare - I opted to wait and see what God and the Universe presented me with. I was presented with an opportunity to get in for free so all well and good. However, I almost got my ass-kicked by a refrigerator size woman whom I accidentally poured beer down her back while trying to get to the front of the stage. (Sidenote: Karma was just reacting swiftly - I did deserve to get my ass kicked. Refrigerator girl wouldn't let us through and I pretended to bonk her with my beer bottle and the beer went down her back. Whoops.) Anyways - I was confronted with the reality that perhaps my husband and my son were walking on me. In hindsight I should of reacted more to the conversation - but again - with lack of sleep and not being my usual competent self I almost bought into the idea. It was weird. People making observations of Te on Thursday - in a new place, new people - and not wanting to listen to his mother. People minus knowing that Te has had very, very limited parent time because we have both been too damn busy. Jeff on the other hand if he does take advantage does not do intentionally. I know that I take on more for the simple fact of sanity. Jeff does not tolerate stress well - I do not tolerate Jeff's stressful self well...so I do more to keep the peace and to keep my sanity. I would rather carry the weight of the world then to ask Jeff because I can do a better job. My tolerance level is far greater than probably most - and some may see it as a weakness, but really, life is not worth the roller-coaster.
I can hardly wait for balance. Yesterday I was stressed about getting a job out that's about two weeks behind. Today same thing. Printing on the press and delving into a new art form or trade and just getting geared up. I desperately wanted to complete one job in one day - if I got two done - fucking sweet. However, obstacles as they may be are not worth fretting. I just succumbed to the fact that shit will get done when it gets done - I believe in timing - if people want to get bent that is completely their choice. I can acknowledge it but not own it. The only thing I want to own is learning to see the beauty in all things at all times.
Art in the Park is two weeks away. Football starts next weekend. Te goes to meet his first teacher on Wednesday and then he starts preschool on the 2nd of September. Papa Tom is off to England on the 3rd - I really believe after Art in the Park sanity will surface. I'll keep you alll posted.
I went to Ziggy Marley at the Festival on Friday night. I was thinking about buying a ticket - but at $60 a shot with not much moola to spare - I opted to wait and see what God and the Universe presented me with. I was presented with an opportunity to get in for free so all well and good. However, I almost got my ass-kicked by a refrigerator size woman whom I accidentally poured beer down her back while trying to get to the front of the stage. (Sidenote: Karma was just reacting swiftly - I did deserve to get my ass kicked. Refrigerator girl wouldn't let us through and I pretended to bonk her with my beer bottle and the beer went down her back. Whoops.) Anyways - I was confronted with the reality that perhaps my husband and my son were walking on me. In hindsight I should of reacted more to the conversation - but again - with lack of sleep and not being my usual competent self I almost bought into the idea. It was weird. People making observations of Te on Thursday - in a new place, new people - and not wanting to listen to his mother. People minus knowing that Te has had very, very limited parent time because we have both been too damn busy. Jeff on the other hand if he does take advantage does not do intentionally. I know that I take on more for the simple fact of sanity. Jeff does not tolerate stress well - I do not tolerate Jeff's stressful self well...so I do more to keep the peace and to keep my sanity. I would rather carry the weight of the world then to ask Jeff because I can do a better job. My tolerance level is far greater than probably most - and some may see it as a weakness, but really, life is not worth the roller-coaster.
I can hardly wait for balance. Yesterday I was stressed about getting a job out that's about two weeks behind. Today same thing. Printing on the press and delving into a new art form or trade and just getting geared up. I desperately wanted to complete one job in one day - if I got two done - fucking sweet. However, obstacles as they may be are not worth fretting. I just succumbed to the fact that shit will get done when it gets done - I believe in timing - if people want to get bent that is completely their choice. I can acknowledge it but not own it. The only thing I want to own is learning to see the beauty in all things at all times.
Art in the Park is two weeks away. Football starts next weekend. Te goes to meet his first teacher on Wednesday and then he starts preschool on the 2nd of September. Papa Tom is off to England on the 3rd - I really believe after Art in the Park sanity will surface. I'll keep you alll posted.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Time is like a River
Constantly changing, evolving, progressing...never stagnate...always exciting. Unlike being caught in a river - focused in the moment - time is something we are always trying to manipulate and control looking forwards and backwards but never being present. I am surely learning the meaning of "present." It is almost surreal how my days have been passing. There are moments where I feel I do not have enough time - and times where time stands still. Over the past two days with the hoopla of the transition of the business and planning Tom's party now done and over - I go to work and feel like time is practically standing still. And the stillness is truly a wonderful and blissful place to be at this juncture.
I do not have a clock plugged in so an hour has felt more like two or three hours of peace. Jeff brought a clock in early this afternoon and I do not know whether or not I want to plug it in. I work solely off my internal clock - I have ever since I quit mowing lawns and had to keep a schedule - twelve years ago. Now that I work for myself it's a completely different experience - actually quite fulfilling. Granted I don't know when the money will roll in to cover my life expenses I trust in the Divine and believe all will settle well. It's crazy how centered I finally feel - it proves perhaps I am on my right path. I see signs almost daily with constant deja vu and know that the lesson I am learning which I have been seeking is stillness in the moment. Appreciating where I am and infusing it with love and gratitude. Actually learning to nurture all things and reflecting on how all things, all animals, all everything is a simple soul reflection. The sour stuff is the sour part of us and you gotta learn to love the sour to really appreciate the goodness and richness of life. Love is power.
I do not have a clock plugged in so an hour has felt more like two or three hours of peace. Jeff brought a clock in early this afternoon and I do not know whether or not I want to plug it in. I work solely off my internal clock - I have ever since I quit mowing lawns and had to keep a schedule - twelve years ago. Now that I work for myself it's a completely different experience - actually quite fulfilling. Granted I don't know when the money will roll in to cover my life expenses I trust in the Divine and believe all will settle well. It's crazy how centered I finally feel - it proves perhaps I am on my right path. I see signs almost daily with constant deja vu and know that the lesson I am learning which I have been seeking is stillness in the moment. Appreciating where I am and infusing it with love and gratitude. Actually learning to nurture all things and reflecting on how all things, all animals, all everything is a simple soul reflection. The sour stuff is the sour part of us and you gotta learn to love the sour to really appreciate the goodness and richness of life. Love is power.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Short on Leisure Time
Today I learned to operate my newly acquired two-color press, once I figure out it's quirks I think I'll manage just fine. It's always fun to learn and do new things. I feel like I am constantly working - really - constantly working. Tonight I've had a few minutes to cruise the Internet to just check things out but my mind is so FULL of "to-dos" that I forget what I was just thinking about looking up. Sorta pathetic.
We are due to be out of our old location by the end of the month -it's going to bite us in the bum sooner then later. Our little shop now is getting stacked full of paper and other things that need to eventually migrate to our residence. I am tired of moving piles here piles there but we really have no choice.
My niece Chelsea showed up this past weekend so that has been a blessing. We had a decent show in the historic Idaho town of Roseberry over the 4th and now ZuCru will be kicking our asses too. I am not complaining really - just seriously overwhelmed with how all I do is work, work, work.
The garden is growing lovely so am excited to start enjoying the harvest. I think I am gearing up to take the locovore challenge. You would think being a vendor at the Farmers Market would make it an easy challenge - but as most vendors will tell you - they never get to shop. Now Chelsea can man the booth and I'll do some shopping!
Tata for now.
We are due to be out of our old location by the end of the month -it's going to bite us in the bum sooner then later. Our little shop now is getting stacked full of paper and other things that need to eventually migrate to our residence. I am tired of moving piles here piles there but we really have no choice.
My niece Chelsea showed up this past weekend so that has been a blessing. We had a decent show in the historic Idaho town of Roseberry over the 4th and now ZuCru will be kicking our asses too. I am not complaining really - just seriously overwhelmed with how all I do is work, work, work.
The garden is growing lovely so am excited to start enjoying the harvest. I think I am gearing up to take the locovore challenge. You would think being a vendor at the Farmers Market would make it an easy challenge - but as most vendors will tell you - they never get to shop. Now Chelsea can man the booth and I'll do some shopping!
Tata for now.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Te in Studio
June 1 was Te's first official turn in the potter's studio. Jeff thinks I need to practice turning more since I always have these brilliant ideas I want him to manifest - but he would prefer to manifest his own ideas. As I practiced turning a couple bowls Jeff officially introduced Te to clay. Yeah - Te already knows clay - he goes into the studio whenever he can to kipe slip chips (as I call them) from the recycle clay can so he can crumble 'em. And yes - Te plays with Play-Doh - playing with clay however is taking it to the next level. Te & Jeff rolled out slabs and cookie cut their little hearts out for well over two hours. Te would ball up all his clay leftover from cutting out shapes - run over to the slab roller - place his clay between the canvas sheets - and say "my turn." It's kind of fun to work the slab roller when you're 3. It's like driving a big steering wheel. Eventually Te started taking his completed pieces and throwing them on the bat on another table. He was becoming quite proficient in the studio. We'll use the little cookie cutter dinos, animals, and cars for glaze testing - put them on a string and hang them in Te's room. It was a rather fun Sunday evening. And I still have an idea I need to create which I was just reminded of as I post. Hmm. I started it that evening - then crushed it to start new. The facial expressions of Jeff & Te are pretty classic in the quick photo op I did. Enjoy. Life is good no matter where I stand.
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