Surreal Life

Currently striving for sanity. This whole business transition - preparing for Art in the Park...going home to Sandpoint has only set me behind more which I knew it would. Te and I had a great time on the river - although I will admit I did not feel completely like myself. Last Wednesday night I pulled an all-nighter and thus had a total of 15 minutes of sleep before loading onto an airplane bound for North Idaho. I think the lack of sleep is getting to me. I keep running into obstacles and what does one do - you just do.

I went to Ziggy Marley at the Festival on Friday night. I was thinking about buying a ticket - but at $60 a shot with not much moola to spare - I opted to wait and see what God and the Universe presented me with. I was presented with an opportunity to get in for free so all well and good. However, I almost got my ass-kicked by a refrigerator size woman whom I accidentally poured beer down her back while trying to get to the front of the stage. (Sidenote: Karma was just reacting swiftly - I did deserve to get my ass kicked. Refrigerator girl wouldn't let us through and I pretended to bonk her with my beer bottle and the beer went down her back. Whoops.) Anyways - I was confronted with the reality that perhaps my husband and my son were walking on me. In hindsight I should of reacted more to the conversation - but again - with lack of sleep and not being my usual competent self I almost bought into the idea. It was weird. People making observations of Te on Thursday - in a new place, new people - and not wanting to listen to his mother. People minus knowing that Te has had very, very limited parent time because we have both been too damn busy. Jeff on the other hand if he does take advantage does not do intentionally. I know that I take on more for the simple fact of sanity. Jeff does not tolerate stress well - I do not tolerate Jeff's stressful self well...so I do more to keep the peace and to keep my sanity. I would rather carry the weight of the world then to ask Jeff because I can do a better job. My tolerance level is far greater than probably most - and some may see it as a weakness, but really, life is not worth the roller-coaster.

I can hardly wait for balance. Yesterday I was stressed about getting a job out that's about two weeks behind. Today same thing. Printing on the press and delving into a new art form or trade and just getting geared up. I desperately wanted to complete one job in one day - if I got two done - fucking sweet. However, obstacles as they may be are not worth fretting. I just succumbed to the fact that shit will get done when it gets done - I believe in timing - if people want to get bent that is completely their choice. I can acknowledge it but not own it. The only thing I want to own is learning to see the beauty in all things at all times.

Art in the Park is two weeks away. Football starts next weekend. Te goes to meet his first teacher on Wednesday and then he starts preschool on the 2nd of September. Papa Tom is off to England on the 3rd - I really believe after Art in the Park sanity will surface. I'll keep you alll posted.