Deadline

I can thank my friend Reham for talking me up and giving me a deadline. I could probably talk and talk forever about what I want to do with my pics from Africa and now she has me processing my presentation. I want to actually do a pretty large scale installation - and now Dana, the reporter who wrote the great story about me & Jeff, knows I have this "Africa idea" and plans on reporting about whatever I manifest in November. It has definitely been a work in progress in my mind - now I have to physically put it together - which means I have to start to identify with what South Africa and it's people meant to me, how it changed me, what we as individuals can do to help others, etc. It's a pretty monumental undertaking - I guess that means I have to start taking a day off from work just to get this thing built ...that's OK! I will inform all of you when it all starts to come together and those that are resourceful friends that can help - you'll be getting phone calls or emails here shortly!

It's been awhile

Well - I haven't been blogging consistently the past couple weeks because I haven't been on my computer at night as much as I normally am. In fact, I've kind of shunned the computer on the weekends as well so I don't get much photo editing or blog thinking writing done. Oh well. There has definitely been some exciting stuff going on in our lives. Most recently the Idaho Statesman ran a nice article on Jeff and I in the Sunday Life section. http://www.idahostatesman.com/387/story/125115.html It's nice to be recognized. This last week at Market I sold a couple mobiles and a chick painting so I need to get busy and work, work, work. Especially with the article coming out I should have a full booth to complement. I am also going to pursue a venue in Eagle for selling some of my personal art so we'll see how it starts to pay off!
Wednesday begins our six weeks of coming and going. We're headed to Sandpoint this weekend for a mini-reunion with friends and family. Next week we're home. The 22nd we're off to Salt Lake for a Nodzu wedding, home the 1st & 2nd; then off to Seattle for the BSU vs. UW game where we'll be fortunate enough to stay with my mom and visit with my sisters, nephews, and niece. Jeff will be exhausted from traveling for awhile after the 8th - he's not one for traveling so much - me on the other hand am extremely excited to see family and the country along the ride.

Super Fabulous Sunday

Yesterday the Temeister and me ventured up to the Beach on the Main Payette just south of Banks with my good friend Julie and leisured in the sun and river for about 2.5 hours. It was awesome to just getaway for a couple hours and out of town - it is amazing what it can do for my attitude. We hung out on the sandbar which is perfect for Te since it's so shallow, and perfect for me since on one side it's almost like walking into the deep end. He was so self-contained and easy it was perfect. We managed to get home with three hours to spare to prepare for the BBQ we hosted last night for Tom's birthday, my birthday, & LaDawn's birthday. I worked non-stop from the moment I walked through the door until Duana & clan showed up at 6pm. Te slept until 545pm so that was an added bonus. Te had a fun-filled day with the river, friends, and family. Devin & Kobe are his best buds - it is fun to watch their dynamics evolve - they'll be very much like brothers as they get bigger and older. I am grateful for my relationship with Dui - for myself and for Te. Celso even managed to make an appearance which made all the better. I'll get some pictures posted of yesterday. Sundays are now my designated days to go to the Payette with Te - minus next weekend when Julie, Te, & I will be attending the Goddess Fest for some palm reading or something of the sorts :) In the Fall Sundays will turn into hiking days. I also did not turn my computer on the entire weekend which was a feat in and of itself - but actually very very liberating, so I think it will also be a new practice.

Trade

Anymore when I take photos of Te he insists that it is his turn to take pictures. He knows the difference between my camera and his dad's camera and I am now starting to teach him about the different parts of an SLR camera - thus far we've learned "viewfinder." My camera is a bit heavy for a little tyke to hold so we always make sure the strap is around the neck and have faith it will be safe in little hands. I know the weight can be a little cumbersome because today when I was commuting to work on my bike I was questioning myself on why my bag felt heavier today, I remembered I had my camera and it is always loaded with a 28-200 lens. Anyways in order for me to get the two photos I got of Te yesterday morning he had to take about five pics of momma - the best one of Te's is posted here and you can tell the before and after shot once I made a compromise with Te that if he let me take his picture eating his peanut butter and nutella toasted sandwich for breakfast he could take a photo of me.

35....

Whoa - I cannot believe I am 35. I don't feel 35. In fact, I don't think you ever really feel your age. Like my dad - I use to get so frustrated with him because I thought he should act more his age - or at least more grown up, and appear responsible. However, when I reflect back now - it's like how? Yes, you can be and act responsible at any age - but there is no harm in seeing the world through a child's eyes, or hearing with a child's ears - as Bernie Seigel would say "you will realize how funny life really is." So here's to my dad, as I age, I realize how much I really just want to feel childlike in my body. Meaning, seeing and experiencing life with a not so serious attitude. Life is short - it's meant to be a wonderful ride. Light and dark are the same, just reflect on the lessons you seek and set ego aside.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

New photos on the photo blog...http://changinghat.blogspot.com

Wow! A Title!

This week Te & I have had our fair share of quality time and I think it's reflecting in his responsive behavior. If I could stay home with my sweet man I would - every day - cause they grow super fast. Fortunate for him & daddy they get to spend their days together. However, this week I took Wednesday off since I was terribly sour on Monday & Tuesday and it helped my attitude a bit. All in all - we've had four activities outside of the house and without daddy where Te has had a fantastic time - a party, the river, the new park with water features, a play date with cousins. It's been more then good. As a result I think I was blessed today with his immediate responses to my commands or warnings which does not normally happen. Yes, I try to make him listen to me - but my boundaries are not as inhibiting as Jeff's - and I do try to let him just be. However, there are those moments in time where I just need him to listen to make my life easier. Since I've come home from Africa I have been way more consistent with shortening my boundaries a bit so that in the long term I don't drive myself insane due to me falling short in the early years. And I was blessed with progress today.

Aching for Change

I would say the most evident transformation from my experience to Africa has resulted in me not wanting to go back to the way things were. I have been aching for change in my life for probably more then a year, maybe two - but in the last 4 weeks it's like my mind is saying as well as my heart and my soul - change is now. The change I am aching for and embracing mostly falls on the work front. Working for family has it's ups and downs - and more often then not the ups far out weigh the downs. However, I am extremely underpaid for what I do, so with that said, I know my enthusiasm at work suffers which results in me being lackadaisical. If I want a raise then it falls in my lap to go out and solicit business so we can afford to give me a raise. If everyone was passionate about our business and actively trying to make the business grow and succeed perhaps my attitude would be different. But everyone is just doing it - going through the motions - that's it. Working hard for other people with really no reward. Yes, I am rewarded with the relationships I've created with our customers, I can continue to have those relationships without the overhead. The last couple days I have been more sour then usual, and before it starts affecting my relationship with my husband I need a pretty swift attitude change. I get sour with the biz, which I get sour with the in-laws, which I get sour with Jeff. Granted I should refrain from getting sour with Jeff - I just often times feel like I am in a rut and I am desperately trying to crawl out. I need to get rid of my sense of obligation to his family and pursue my passion. All will be fine and probably more grand if I reduce the amount of time I share at work. And if I make the time to get the hell out of town.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Te is such a sweet boy. Every day he amazes me with his stamina, sense of adventure, and his boy tendencies that keeps me on my toes. God Bless him. He is a good boy. A moment of quiet contemplation, a brief reprieve.

It's A Small World After All

So Saturday night at Cheryl's wedding I was sitting down snacking and sipping a beer when I met Miles Pietsch. He told me I've probably seen him in Boise, or at least his brother Scott who is an acupuncturist who looks just like him - except he's 6'6". I talked with Miles through out the night and he seems to be good people. Tonight as we were setting up for First Thursday on the block before the Grove I looked over at a potter who was setting up her stuff as I talked to my friend Mike and said, "I'll be right back, I'm going to see if this guy is Scott." I walked up and talked to Erin (the potter, Scott's wife) and pointed to Scott and said, "Is his name Scott?" And she's like, "yea." So then I proceeded to tell them the story of Miles this past weekend - and who would of thunk 4 days later I would be shaking hands with his brother.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

One Blue Moon Saturday. This was a self-portrait taken the morning of Cheryl's wedding shortly after we finished hiking for the morning and relaxing in the hot tub sipping wine prior to her monumental wedding day - 14 years of patiently waiting for the time to be just right -for Joe that is.

Headstone

Friday, June 29, 2007 I was in Richfield, Idaho to document my cousin's (Ciara) wedding. It was the first time I'd been back to Richfield since we buried my dad - and the first time I saw his monument. I wish in hindsight I would of remembered to bring some flowers. I thought it was pretty classic that the locals were living it up with ol' Mikey as is evident by the Mardi Gras beads. I know there are many people who miss the three dimensional spirit of my dad. There are so many moments in my life that pass that I wish he was here as my sounding board and as my comforting shoulder. I know he comforts me. I had a dream a couple weeks ago - a night when I was wishing my dad was still on the earth plane. I remember having two vivid dreams that showed me images of him writhing in pain had he continued his existence beyond his scheduled date of departure. Then following those dreams I had another image of me sleeping face down on my bed (formerly my dad's bed) with my dad over the top of me with one hand on my shoulder while he bent over and kissed me on the back of my head. It was a message telling me that he is still with me. The kiss was where you would find the "angel kiss" so many children come into this world with - it was a nice blessing.

Rrroarr On

Boy, it's probably a good thing God blessed me with Te; otherwise who knows what this party chic would be doing. This past weekend I spent time in Richfield & Ketchum documenting both a cousin's and good friend's wedding. My first photo opp was Friday night in Richfield and this party girl was fairly mild and put herself to bed at midnight knowing Saturday was a full-planned day. I woke early Saturday and headed North to Ketchum for all the pre-func before the wedding & pictures. We spent part of the morning hiking and early afternoon soaking ourselves hopping between the hot tub and the river up Warm Springs close to Frenchmen's Hot Springs. Early afternoon was spent watching girls fix their hair and apply their make-up. We headed to Baker Creek, documented one of the most beautiful weddings, and then it was off to Apple's Grill & Bar for a full night of partying and getting one's groove on. I stayed fairly responsible while drinking up until the jello shots came out - and I think the liquor did me in. Once I got some liquor in me, my rroarr was on and I partied till a bit past day break. Sometimes I wonder about myself and my party-girl tendencies, but at least now I have a sweet boy that keeps fairly sane. Had my family been with me the night would of been cut short by eight hours - I'm sure of it. Anyways - it's always good to let yourself loose occasionally - and pray that God keeps one safe.

Image of Africa

I posted a handful of images on my photo blog: http://changinghat.blogspot.com from Africa. I have thousands of images to weed through - it may take me awhile.

I Cry For Africa

In all honesty I was not sure of the impact that Africa would have on me spiritually or emotionally. It is a beautiful place with beautiful people - where it feels like my heart bleeds. While I walked I probably did not appear so humble, nor while I talked. Since I've been home however, I am starting to realize the impact or footprint it impressed upon my soul. The first night I was home lying in bed - I cried - I cried for a country I already missed. A sort of loneliness in my heart, wondering when my next opportunity will come to fly home again. They say if you start going to Africa - you have to be prepared to make continuous trips - because Africa is home to all mankind.

Perspective

I have a lot to say about South Africa - however this post is not exclusive to my South Africa experience, that will come later. I just feel inclined to comment on how when one is extracted from their regular routine of things how priorities and perspectives are shifted. What I saw in South Africa did not shift my priorities and perspectives like it may have many others, it just extracted me from my regular routine of things and made me come home with new priorities, thus shifting my perspective. The month of May I was completely and totally out of control. I was very excited to have numerous photo shoots on top of working at TomKat and the Market, but I had zero time for family or pleasure. I knew that I would come home from South Africa safely - cause usually when I am packing the day I leave - it means life will continue as normal. Even up to the day I left Tom called me into the shop to work on some damn rush job prior to departure which seriously pissed me off. I am done with being a part of the "I demand it now" society. Being in South Africa our itinerary had us running every day - that is something I would change. Africa was awesome, the people, the places - all on a different schedule then us Americans. Our days were packed with needing to be somewhere and needing to be somewhere now. The only people I am going to allow to demand my attention now include my husband, my baby, and my family & friends. However, when I say family I do not mean TomKat since it is our family business. The people we help & service at TomKat are going to get their work in a timely manner - just not yesterday. So, we'll see if I keep my new perspective...I can't wait to go back to Africa.

Melting down

Boy! Today was an overwhelming day. I know there is only so much I can do before I leave and some things just have to wait. I think the past ten days has put me in a situation where I've been assessing all these responsibilities I have and how I need to start establishing boundaries and prioritizing what is truly truly important to me. I'm a giver - and I have a tendency to give and give and give and seldom ask to take. I don't even allow myself to take from myself. That has to change. I was in and out of the shop today desperately trying to get a job done by tomorrow and although I don't mind the job - the job is running me - limiting my commitment to my family, pleasure time with friends, and effectively packing for South Africa. I have for more then two years talked about taking one day off per week for time with Te. The time is now and I have to quit talking about it.

Last night was the first time my boy has ever said, "I love you." He says he loves things like pizza, but never I love you to Jeff or myself. So last night out of the blue Te says to me, "I love you." I tell Te back, "I love you." And Te again replies, "No, I love you." A running conversation for about five minutes. It was sweet and so what I needed to hear when the nerves and emotions are getting the best of me and causing me to meltdown to tears cause I am feeling so overwhelmed with responsibilities.

I know when I get back - shit is still going to need attending to - I'll have to take another vacation just to redeem my sanity. There may also be a little PMS in the ingredients list...

Hugs

My sweet friend Reham forwarded me this You Tube clip and it inspires me to want to hug everyone. What our world needs is more love and if I can be a vehicle for inspiring others to be led by their hearts then so I must follow my heart.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

Also if you take the time to watch the entire video -remember what it feels like to be loved - to be embraced. The real ringer for me, and I really do not know if every child works like mine with a pure heart, but my kid is a hugger. He loves to hug his friends, often time surprising them from the rear and everyone topples over. My son loves to hug his friends so much that depending on the day sometimes he has to be disciplined from sharing his love so exuberantly. It can be overwhelming. I hope that Te and the people he surrounds himself will continue to hug the shit out of each other - with so much enthusiasm that everyone feels the love.

And to all the kind and generous souls that make my heart swell with love and gratitude for supporting me and our mission team in our pursuit to do good in Africa, thank you, thank you, thank you. Today I received yet another check and I am really overwhelmed with emotion - it makes my heart sing. It is truly fabulous!

A hike with Te

9 days and counting

Two weeks from today I'll be going on a river trip with hippos and crocs and then traveling off to Shakaland for a stayover. The anticipation is over-the-top. I can hardly contain my excitement. I know I'll miss my family and especially my sweet boy, but I'll come home and have so much exciting adventure and lessons of love to talk about. I had a revelation the other day while laying down with Te as I put him to bed that I would more then likely cry myself to sleep a couple nights cause I know I will miss him so. For two weeks I won't be able to hug and kiss on him, but my profound ability to love will be shared with many more children who don't get the hugs and love they need or want from parents who do not exist. So many things to do in preparation since I always do things under the gun. I need to make myself about four lists so I know what's going on here, what I need to do and bring to prepare for Africa, what I need to do to help Jeff - make sure all my child care is lined out. It's mind-boggling, however, what doesn't get done will have to wait and in all reality not really a pressing matter.