Trauma for Te

Today I met Duana at the Gym to check out this new class called Body Vibe to see whether or not she wanted to add the class to her list of possible certifications. Today was Te's first experience in any daycare environment and about 35 minutes into the class - the daycare attendant was beckoning me from the class window to tell me that Te was crying and he wouldn't stop.
Initially I was feeling pretty optimistic that Te would enjoy the gym - it has kids and it has lots and lots of toys that Te doesn't have - and on the car ride over he seemed pretty excited. Te loves kids. So his mantra on the car ride was "gym, gym, gym" with definite glee in his heart. Again adding to my optimism about going to daycare was that Kobe & Devin would be with Te. When we got to the parking lot ironically Kobe & Devin were just showing up so Te was pretty excited to see his friends - he followed them right into daycareland. He was blind.
Like I said, the blinders came off about 35 minutes into class and I had to rescue Te from daycareland. The little bug was crying, standing and staring out the window. I think he was looking for the car - since the first thing he told me was car - meaning, "let's get the hell out of here lady!" I thought it possible to perhaps calm him down and convince him to stay, however, he was very very determined to get the hell out there and not look back. I had to retrieve my things from class and of course took Te with me - I had to go back to daycareland and pay for our one session - and the whaling began again. When we got to the car I had a discussion with him and I think it boiled down to being a little scared, not knowing where mommy was, and hanging out with a bunch of strangers. When we were leaving the parking lot Te proclaimed, "me no like gym."
So our first experience with daycare was obviously not a pleasant one - I am still optimistic - Te needs to socialize with people of his general age group. I think his immune system is getting stronger which encourages me to help socialize the little bug. In time with a few more 1/2 hour sessions I believe the gym will not be so traumatic - I think his behavior is common so not to be detoured from the little dude potentially having a great time.

Speaking of Gratitude

Every day I Thank God and I thank Te for choosing to share his life with us. I think about all the wonderful people Te has in his life and feel very blessed. He is growing so quickly and it's hard to refrain from wanting to stop time. He now speaks in sentences and his comprehension level is flat insane. He climbs like a champ - fearless, virtually fearless. As a parent and a child the teacher and the student goes both way - I am grateful God blessed me with the opportunity to grow spiritually through the experience of being a parent. Although an overwhelming experience if you try to wrap your mind around everything - truly a blessing to grow with one's child. Love makes the world go 'round, believe it, it's true - we are meant to see our reflection in each other knowing we are each connected to one another and we are One in spirit.

Drift Away

Uncle Krackers remix of Drift Away was mine and Jeff's "wedding song." The memory it evokes in my mind is my dad sitting on the picnic table bench with my cousin Rachel with a big-shit-grin and singing and swaying to the music. When I hear the song it lifts me up - it is such a wonderfully vivid image that it is one of the few I cherish. I have a lot of memories of my dad - I miss him dearly - and the other day when I was sick and needing a back rub I was desperately wishing for my daddy's hands. It almost feels surreal. I am present and know that my dad was of this earth plane - yet, it seems like a lifetime ago, which truthfully it is. There is so much to be learned from my dad's life, no matter how often I felt like he needed to be more responsible, as I reflect back I see his lesson to me is truly about living in the moment. Granted he had his bitches and moans - all in all - the guy knew how to get along with virtually everyone and always how to have a great time. Always picking on me - and offering me that sound voice of reason. I miss the middle of the night phone calls. I miss my dad. Read the lyrics and remember his song - it's a good one.

Drift Away by Uncle Kracker

Day after day I'm more confused
But I look for the light through the pourin' rain
You know, that's a game, that I hate to loose
I'm feelin' the strain, ain't it a shame

[CHORUS:]
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Won't you take me away
Beginin' to think, that I'm wastin' time
And I don't understand the things I do
The world outside looks so unkind
I'm countin' on you, you can carry me through

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away

Won't you take me awayAnd when my mind is free
You know your melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue
The guitars come through to soothe me
Thanks for the joy you've given me
I want you to know I believe in your song
And rhythm, and rhyme, and harmony
You helped me along, you're makin' me strong

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away

Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Give me the beat boys and free my soul
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away
Won't you take me away.

My dad was always my savior in a sense - a savior of my sanity, bringing me home and grounding me in the present moment. Aiding me in coming to my own revelations. Ironic how this song is symbolic of Jeff too - although very challenging at times - Jeff is a very grounding force in my life. I guess if I didn't have him or my dad to keep me sane I'd be in the clouds.

Tonight I started listening and sorting through some of my music collection looking for songs that move you - to spin! Spinning - where you ride a stationary bike and sweat your ass off if you commit to getting stronger. Duana is instructing a couple spin classes a week now - so I am scanning my library for some good riding songs for her to peruse. It's actually turning into a wonderful experience. When Jeff and I were married I compiled a CD of music and it was part of our invitation - it is evoking great emotions and helping me to remember how much I do love Te's daddy, how grateful I am to have shared the experience with all our family and friends, how grateful I had the opportunity for my dad to walk me down the aisle and dance with me. That my mom and Bebot took the time to prepare one of the yummiest meals, grateful the Marley's love me enough to share the experience of the River with friends and family. I could go on and on - I guess this evening I am full of gratitude. Life is a blessing.

Perplexed

Life is such a hard thing to explain or wrap your mind around. I am always thinking about evolving and ascending - call me crazy - however, I do believe that it is possible. To be like a bodhisattva. One of my saying to Te on a regular basis is to "always remember where we come from and why you are here." I desperately want to keep the door open for him between the physical and spiritual worlds.
Yesterday I had a conversation with Auntie and was telling her about sustainable living. She said it's not a bad idea at this juncture in time - and then she seemed a little distressed. I kind of said huh, and she told me about reading this book called Jerusaleum, and how the end times are near. For many people the signs are probably apparent - I don't really know what the signs are since I don't read scripture and I seldom watch or see the news. All I know is when people talk about "end times" it can be a little scary and distressing. So this "end time" conversation was on my mind last night when I got home. Te must of picked up on how it made me a little uncomfortable because all night long he kept patting me on my chest and saying, "It's alright momma, it's alright."
I know it is alright and I also believe that the end of the world is not what many perceive. I believe the end of the world is the end of the old world and the old order, and we are entering into a new era of consciousness where life is driven by love and not fear. I believe many souls are coming to this earth to teach us that "Yes, we are in fact One. And aiding us in making a conscious shift towards Christ-like love." Our world is what we make it - and every day it ends for some and becomes something brilliant and new for others.
My persistence with trying to keep Te open to the spiritual realm may be working - especially after last nights "love-pats" and when we went to bed and he started talking about tiny ghosts. Although it makes me uncomfortable I really am OK with seeing spirits - especially if Te is talking to them and teaching us about a new way of seeing and believing.

Mean momma!

Thank God Te hasn't outrightly declared me a mean momma today - my level of tolerance is extremely low. For the past three plus days I've been sick and even today I still have remnants of feeling like shit. Period. This morning I had to have myself a two-year-old tantrum in bed when Te insisted on me getting up. I wish there was one morning when mommy could sleep in and Te would just get up with daddy. After my two-year-old tantrum to start the day I've been a bit pissy to my kid. I hope he doesn't hold grudges. Thus far, he doesn't appear so. I've had to growl at him a couple times and that gets his goat and makes him cry, and then tell me "me hold mommy." These little people amaze me the amount of love they have even when you get grumpy.

Shots in the Arms

So the adventure began today as I sought a couple shots in the arms in anticipation of my travel to South Africa. After a half hour wait and another half hour dicussion of recommended vaccinations Nurse Patty finally filled me full of DTap, Hep A & B, and adult MMR booster. I will go back to Central District Health in a month and get my second shot of Hep A & B, typhoid pills, and a polio booster. I was originally not going to get typhoid; however, she said if I was an adventurous eater I might consider it. I am an adventurous eater so I have decided to opt in on the typhoid. I am not one for putting unnecessary substances into my body - yet at the same time - there is no need for me not too when I would much prefer not getting ill or unknowingly passing on something like Hep-A. Nurse Patty had some great suggestions for international travel and sent me home with a folder full of reading material. I had the pleasure of waiting in the lobby for an additional fifteen minutes to make sure I did not have any adverse reactions to the vaccinations. While passing time in the waiting room I was able to read an enlightening news article about AIDS in Newsweek that portayed the 25 years since it's discovery and a timeline of important points in AIDS history. Rather ironic I picked up a Newsweek article about AIDS when I will be traveling to a part of the globe where it has created a whole generation of orphaned children.