Today is one of those days where I feel flooded with emotion - where I just want to scream and kick and cry - I miss my dad, I miss him - I miss him - I miss him. I don't know what triggers these types of days other then when I feel like I am stomping through this world and it feels like there is no one of this plane who understands me. I was just listening to a song while the credits ran on the movie, The Wild, and I started to cry. Te asked me, "What's wrong momma, you sad? Are you crying momma? why?" Through my tears I said, "I miss my daddy." Te then says, "You miss your daddy momma, he in Heaven. It be OK momma." As he takes a hand pats me on the shoulder and then embraces me with a hug. Then he tells me some more that it will be OK and then he offered up his Mater Truck for me to play with - just what my heart needs.

Veggie Tunnel

Posting an image of the progress of our vegetable tunnel that we built, planted, etc. with about 8 villager women and the farmer, Mr. Mlaba who owns the land. Mr. Mlabais the gentleman on the right actually dug dirt from his own garden to use in these bags for planting the spinach plants in the veggie tunnel. It looks like Theo on the left who was the gentleman who actually found the land for us to build our project. It was one of our most successful. When I get my photos organized and posted I will upload the process it took to build this sustainable tunnel.

Sidenote: Mr. Mlaba has the MOST incredible singing voice. The first day we completed work we gathered in prayer - but I was kind of clueless at the instance it was taking place - and he started singing praise and it just warmed you up and gave you goosebumps. It was such a beautiful offering of spirit.

Vicariously

Today I talked with my friend Allison, who traveled to South Africa with me, and found out she will be doing her Ameri Corp stint at Camphill Village in Capoke, NY. I am kinda, sorta jealous of her because is sounds like a very enriching and exciting experience. She's doing things I wish I had when I was her age - but instead was too scared of something or apprehensive to truly set myself free. Don't get me wrong, I would of flown, but someone would of had to push me a little and those who needed to push me to express myself probably didn't really know my innermost hearts desires. Really my problem was that for ten years after my grandma died it took me forever to heal. When I finally found peace I was settled into a relationship that kept me pretty well content. Now that I would really like to abandon ship and travel the world and our country practicing goodwill - I am limited in scope because now I have a family. One of my obstacles is not so much having a child, but having a husband who gets it but doesn't get it. It's one of those things that's a little hard to explain. He supports me in what I do and I would love to physically share these experiences with him, but he's not a traveler, he's a lot of what I am not and at times it's like banging my head against a brick wall. He just doesn't get it. Some people might call me selfish, others might call me selfless. I know that when I travel and leave Te with Jeff or my family I have faith that everyone will be more then OK, Jeff worries and thinks about things not being OK. How does someone overcome that worrisome pessimism? I am also of the mindset that Te can come along, but Jeff again puts up the armor and says no. I pray by the time Te is eight he'll have the opportunity to travel and share in my hearts desire and his dad will have more faith in the "OK". I know we have a lifetime ahead of us to share together, but I know already at a young age he has so much to give - and the sooner you can share something with them outside of themselves the door swings wider and the global community gets smaller. I learned at a young age from my grandma about giving back, I also learned the trait from my Aunt TT. Te will learn it first in his community - then spread his wings as his community grows as he grows. So even though I can't go to CampHill like Allison, I can go to Camphill and visit Allison and that's what I plan to do, Te in tow.

Something Wonderful

Today I received a delightful email from my South Africa friend Debbie who put my art project in motion. Originally the plan was for my project to take place when we had the Youth Exchange with the United Church Boarding School in Yeoville, Johannesburg. However, they forwarded our itinerary just a couple days before departure and it appeared we would have no time to implement the project because the kids would be matriching (testing) and in between testing they had ALL sorts of activities planned. So I left my canvas in Centocow when we departed for the city and told Debbie what the project was about. Ironically a couple days before I told her about my project she had been visiting with the nuns at the mission and the nuns had commented on how they desperately needed something for their walls. So with that said, the wheels were in motion. Debbie said she would get the four canvases dispersed among some children and have them paint their interpretation of the senses of peace. The senses of peace being smell, taste, feel, see, etc. So this is a canvas in the works and according to the teacher this is the first time these students have ever used paints. I can hardly wait to receive my canvas that will most certainly be treasured in my house wherever I go.

Life rolling along

It's been ages since I've sat down to write. A lot has obviously happened in the last month. We were in and out of town the last six weeks so that would partially explain my writing absence. This summer has flown by with my trip to Africa and then these past six weeks of traveling to Sandpoint, Salt Lake, and Seattle. I am getting closer to formulating my thoughts about my Journey in June. I need to get my thank yous out to all the people who supported me in my project. I try to explain the experience but I really can't - the only way anyone will know what it's like is to travel there. So - in my attempt I am writing about what we did, including photos, and a couple stories written by our students. With a "thank you packet" perhaps I can illustrate the experience. Once I manage to get the thank you packet completed I will post a blog or a link from my developing web page.
Ironically a few weeks back I put the intention out there of "how can I go to Africa every year or every other year?" The Universe responded by introducing me to a few more people involved with organizations that travel to Africa and now I have to figure out how I can convince Jeff to allow me to continue this desirable pursuit.
So beyond Africa our summer has included spending Saturdays at the Market. We went to Sandpoint the 2nd weekend in August and had a little mini reunion among old friends. Merris had me rolling with laughter - I have not cried or laughed so hysterically where I couldn't breath in eons. The last weekend in August we spent in Salt Lake for Diane & Ray's wedding and a Nodzu family reunion. It was nice to actually see the WHOLE clan minus Uncle Tom (Guzman). Then this past weekend we were in Seattle for the BSU vs. UW game (which stunk) and we were able to share our time throughout the weekend with my mom & Beboot, niece, nephews, sisters, and brother-in-law. Te is now learning the families - names that is - before we went to Salt Lake I was rattling off all the names of the Nodzus and he told me to quit talking. There was like 50 of us. He's gotta learn the names, cause at Thanksgiving there is usually about 30 of us. The little people's names are easy to retain since that's the company he keeps - but when I showed him a picture of Tom and his siblings he referred to all of them as grandmas and papas. Go figure. More tomorrow.