The Phoenix is Rising

It’s been such a long time since I listened to my own subtlety’s. My song, my rhythm, my breath. I have been lost for so long ~ completely and voluntarily giving up my own self-knowledge for just a mundane dance. Too afraid to know myself, too afraid to love myself. To completely release my fear of vulnerability to be free. Freedom. They say freedom is in the mind ~ its a state of being. I see this...I see this now and not through a creative mind...but a creative mind.

I am digging deeper to know who I am. To love who I am. To be who I am. I want to know my core. I cannot explain this random babble other then the fact that I truly feel blessed to be alive. To see actual beauty within myself. To see me and to love, love, love to BE. Playing has a way of allowing us to BE free.

The Journey has begun. August 1, 2009. The rear-view mirror has been very auspicious!

A bit detached

The past few weeks I've been feeling a little detached from my life. Not something intentional ~ but something worth noting. I've been so overwhelmed with working, crappy drama that I normally avert from, trying to get paid on receivables and so forth that life has been a bit too much.

My older sister Michelle and her boyfriend Joe came for a visit these past few days. I was able to visit a little not a lot due to my current print workload. However, yesterday I finally listened to all my own talk about "living in the now" and decided to set my work aside in the afternoon and get a short respite. We went to Skinny Dipper hot springs and met the man, Ken, who actually developed it. It was quite an interesting afternoon involving a bit of good cardio, bathing in the springs and drinking in the beauty of the day with good conversation. I even drank a "Mil's Best!" (Union made at that) to top it off.

Then today - back to the grind and back to feeling like a grumpy bitch. I know the end of the tunnel is close - hopefully two more weeks and I will have some of my personal liberty back and I can start hiking regularly, getting the garden ready for the season, clean my house and start some spring sprucing.

I think it was Osho who said it's harder or more difficult to live in misery then ecstasy. You have to work at being miserable. So here's to working towards ecstasy. I can do the grind and think of all the exciting things that are close on the horizon.