Sometimes sad news comes in waves...I've been riding many waves the past couple of months. This morning around 11am I received a phone call from my cousin Janene that my Great-Uncle Eddy passed the night before. It had been expected for awhile now, and last week they had hospice come in. A reminder all the same that life is short and sweet and you better drink it in while you can.
Around 130pm I received another call from Chrissy that our friend Jenny Guthrie had passed. This has us all in an utter state of shock. This is Jenny. Young, vibrant, 34. It's not normal. We are still waiting for the details of what happened. It was said she had been having headaches and she went into the hospital to get checked. They ran some tests and sent her home with Vicadin. She took some Vicadin, took a nap, and never woke up. She leaves behind a beautiful nine year old daughter, her mom, her dad, three sisters, a brother, a husband,a step-son, nieces and nephews - friends. She just celebrated her first anniversary.
Jenny Josephine Guthrie we will miss you.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Smokin'
The other night I smoked some weed and it helped me shift gears. It helped me shift from the over-the-top-fast-forward-no-time-for-roses speed to relax-feel-grounded-can tap into my emotions - and release mode speed. What is sort of ironic looking backwards to Saturday is the fact that a lady came through my booth at the Market and asked if one of our prints was a marijuana leaf. I told her no, it was a Japanese maple. We then pursued a conversation about her daughter who grows it for medicinal purposes in Northern California. This mother is an advocate for marijuana because of how it has helped her daughter deal with the pain that cancer has played upon her body. I told her I personally thought it should be legalized, she agreed - or not so much legalized she said, just not criminal.
To talk about it's healing property within my own personal soul is a good story for me to remember. Throughout my life I have dealt with many deaths - people close to me, friends and family. From 15 to 18 I experienced the death of my grandparents who raised me, four very close friends, and one schoolmate. Since then I have experienced a handful more. I have always had this knack for suspending my emotions.
Three years ago, my great friend, neighbor, and teacher passed at the ripe age of 97 and a half. I believe we must of had a past life connection or made some sort of agreement before descending on this Earth to one day make friends and I would help him towards his transition. The first day I saw my sweet friend, Harry Warr, was the day we looked at our house to purchase in 1997 and I saw this little old man with his sun hat on standing in the shade of his garage with a hoe in his hand. I remember telling God that I hoped he lived long enough for him to become my friend. Harry at the time of his passing, in June 2002, had become one of my very best friends. Reflecting back I think he was preparing me for the death of my father. Harry was old the day I met him - I knew he didn't have a long existence ahead of him - and I knew in order for me to truly learn from him I had to open my heart. I took care of Harry like a daughter would take care of her father - he was a bachelor, never married - and did not like to depend on his family. However with me and through our trusted friendship Harry felt comfortable leaning on me - I made an agreement with him that as long as I could care for him I would help him stay in his home. While on vacation in Ocean Shores, WA for my mom's 50th birthday Harry had a fall - broke his leg - and had to go into a nursing home to be rehabilitated. During his stay his younger brother Dorsey (95) had contracted pneumonia and was sick in the hospital for a week, and then passed. A day and half after Dorsey passed, Harry let go. Having a month a part helped ease the transition for both of us. Since Harry passed I selectively shut off my heart. Then came Te.
So going back to Saturday and taking a hit to relax I started thinking about my dad. What a beautiful and sincere soul he is and what lessons he has taught me about this life. I was chatting to Jeff about how much dad liked to dance - and it made me realize that I want to live my life where I feel like my spirit is always dancing and rejoicing. (I have not smelt the roses in moons - my plate is plenty full - I look forward to December where I will regain some sanity back. ) With that thought and my continuous philisophical babbling Jeff pondered if I was going to talk for an hour - I said no, and went downstairs to admire Te sleeping. I was already sad and crying a little - then I sat on my bed and sobbed with my whole body as I had a conversation with my dad in my head. I was reflecting on really how humorous it was that I was telling him everything I would be telling him in the physical world inside my head. As I sobbed over my emotions for my father I began to feel liberated, the sobbing was helping me release all the pent up sad emotions that I pack around my heart. I actually felt like I could breath easier if you will. I realized while sobbing that I need to do it more often, I need to feel completely with all of my being, that it is OK to be vulnerable, and that I need to have these emotions to heal. By allowing myself to have these emotions that I so willingly like to hide - it is helpimg me work towards attaining a fuller life. Call me crazy - all this babble from one hit - but that's what it takes to make this chic come down a level, to smell the roses, and really drink life in.
To talk about it's healing property within my own personal soul is a good story for me to remember. Throughout my life I have dealt with many deaths - people close to me, friends and family. From 15 to 18 I experienced the death of my grandparents who raised me, four very close friends, and one schoolmate. Since then I have experienced a handful more. I have always had this knack for suspending my emotions.
Three years ago, my great friend, neighbor, and teacher passed at the ripe age of 97 and a half. I believe we must of had a past life connection or made some sort of agreement before descending on this Earth to one day make friends and I would help him towards his transition. The first day I saw my sweet friend, Harry Warr, was the day we looked at our house to purchase in 1997 and I saw this little old man with his sun hat on standing in the shade of his garage with a hoe in his hand. I remember telling God that I hoped he lived long enough for him to become my friend. Harry at the time of his passing, in June 2002, had become one of my very best friends. Reflecting back I think he was preparing me for the death of my father. Harry was old the day I met him - I knew he didn't have a long existence ahead of him - and I knew in order for me to truly learn from him I had to open my heart. I took care of Harry like a daughter would take care of her father - he was a bachelor, never married - and did not like to depend on his family. However with me and through our trusted friendship Harry felt comfortable leaning on me - I made an agreement with him that as long as I could care for him I would help him stay in his home. While on vacation in Ocean Shores, WA for my mom's 50th birthday Harry had a fall - broke his leg - and had to go into a nursing home to be rehabilitated. During his stay his younger brother Dorsey (95) had contracted pneumonia and was sick in the hospital for a week, and then passed. A day and half after Dorsey passed, Harry let go. Having a month a part helped ease the transition for both of us. Since Harry passed I selectively shut off my heart. Then came Te.
So going back to Saturday and taking a hit to relax I started thinking about my dad. What a beautiful and sincere soul he is and what lessons he has taught me about this life. I was chatting to Jeff about how much dad liked to dance - and it made me realize that I want to live my life where I feel like my spirit is always dancing and rejoicing. (I have not smelt the roses in moons - my plate is plenty full - I look forward to December where I will regain some sanity back. ) With that thought and my continuous philisophical babbling Jeff pondered if I was going to talk for an hour - I said no, and went downstairs to admire Te sleeping. I was already sad and crying a little - then I sat on my bed and sobbed with my whole body as I had a conversation with my dad in my head. I was reflecting on really how humorous it was that I was telling him everything I would be telling him in the physical world inside my head. As I sobbed over my emotions for my father I began to feel liberated, the sobbing was helping me release all the pent up sad emotions that I pack around my heart. I actually felt like I could breath easier if you will. I realized while sobbing that I need to do it more often, I need to feel completely with all of my being, that it is OK to be vulnerable, and that I need to have these emotions to heal. By allowing myself to have these emotions that I so willingly like to hide - it is helpimg me work towards attaining a fuller life. Call me crazy - all this babble from one hit - but that's what it takes to make this chic come down a level, to smell the roses, and really drink life in.
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